For those who've read it, let's get going on semi-final 2!! Once again, you can see all the acts here or here (The former is mostly preview videos, and the latter may only work in Australia). And once again, all images were sourced from the individual country profiles here.
Serbia - Zeljko Joksimovic
The violinist looks like she's trying not to cry. Or falling asleep? I can't tell. The singer guy looks kind of like a Serbian version of Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Uh. Is the clarinettist man wearing a skirt?? And why are the violin women trying to straddle each other?! Also, is the singer guy wearing gumboots?? And a t-shirt under his tuxedo?? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. I guess the song's okay? It's kind of Il Divo-esque.
F.Y.R. Macedonia - Kaliopi
Oh hey, it's the missing Kardashian sister!! Only she can sing, so clearly has a talent. Unlike the rest of them... Another violinist who's falling asleep. Is this how we're meant to identify schmoopy love songs? Oooh. Now it's all rock anthem-y. Nice. Although now she kind of sounds like she's trying to sing opera to a rock beat... Holy cow. What a scream. Or insanely high note?? Could go either way.
The Netherlands - Joan Franka
Flames!!!! And a Native American headdress??? WHAT. She sounds kind of out of tune with her guitar. Oh, and now there's an accordion. Of course. I can't get over her ridiculous headdress. And her back up singer appears to be dressed as Pocahontas. But her band are dressed like they've escaped the Great Depression. Or maybe District 12... If it weren't for these ridiculously offensive outfits, I might like this.
Malta - Kurt Calleja
Okay, there's a DJ. And secret handshake-y weirdness. Very Europop. Ooh, funky dance moves! Is that the Melbourne Shuffle?!?!? Wow. I'm impressed that the drummer can shimmy and drum at the same time. Uh. Is Kurt wearing one fingerless glove? HE IS. WHY. WHYYYY??? OMG. The DJ does acrobatic dancing. FIREWORKS, WHEEEE!! Hopefully the first of many!
Belarus - Litesound
Synchronised walking! OMG. What is your hair, sir? And why are you wearing chainmail?? Kind of catchy, but their bizarre Mad Max-esque outfits are horribly distracting. Ahahaha, all the guitar players are lying down on their mic stands. OF COURSE. More synchronised walking. FIREWORKS.
Portugal - Filipa Sousa
Wow, that's quite the shiny dress!! With one hell of a slit up the side. Don't move too fast, honey. You'll flash all of Europe. It's like Angelina's Oscars dress all over again, only sparkly. She's clearly very passionate about what she's singing. Lots of Rachel Berry singing-with-your-eyes-closed-and-pushing-your-emotions-away-from-you stuff. Her back up singers look like bouncers from a Vegas casino...
Ukraine - Gaitana
STROBE LIGHTS APLENTY!! And giant screens. And OH MY GOD WHAT IS SHE WEARING. A headdress of enormous pink flowers, and a floor length dress made entirely of white fringed leather. It's very dancey though, so that's an improvement on the mopeyness we've had so far this evening. Her back up dancers outfits are equally hilarious. Holy cow, that's a high note and a half. Ahaha, now she has Sims doing back up dancing on the giant screens. Is that cheating when you're only allowed six people on the stage? Aaaand end with fireworks.
Bulgaria - Sofi Marinova
This already looks like bad karaoke. In thigh high white leather boots. With a fog machine working overtime. Those earrings must be painful. They're ENORMOUS. The sheer number of strobe lights involved is giving me a headache. Uhhhh. Now there are giant catherine wheel fireworks. OF COURSE. When it's just you on the stage, you have to keep people's attention somehow!
Slovenia - Eva Boto
Another 16 year old. She appears to be wearing a tablecloth. Oh wait. That was her backup singer. Eva appears to be wearing a lace curtain with plastic flowers glued to it. These outfits are amazing. ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGES!! Well. Removal of capes. Not quite the same. But I'll take it. The song is...okay, I guess. KEY CHANGE. They're abusing the wind machine a little bit.
Croatia - Nina Badric
She appears to be holding a giant black garbage back along with the microphone. Oh. My bad. It's just the train of her dress. And now there are men weaving calf length skirts and gumboots doing interpretive dance. Oh, hey. She's wearing the other half of Kurt from Malta's glove - hers is just fingers! Okay, now the guys have a giant white sheet and they're playing tug of war. WHY.
Sweden - Loreen
This is the favourite, apparently. STROBE LIGHTS APLENTY. Again. Abuse of the wind machine. Again. She appears to still be wearing her dressing gown. And now she's grabbing her own boobs. What else! She kind of looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt singing a techno version of Celine Dion. I can see this song being used as a shoulder track at Body Pump quite easily. I have no idea if that's good or bad... SNOWING ON THE STAGE. Except that it kind of looks like someone popped a beanbag in the rigging. And now there's a contestant from So You Think You Can Dance backing her up. Or maybe he's a Swedish ninja? I just can't tell.
Georgia - Anri Jokhadze
MONK ROBES. And leftover snow from Sweden. Hahaha. Don't slip, Anri! Uh. His back up singers are wearing burlesque outfits. WHAT. Wait. He's not wearing his monk robe any more. THERE WAS AN ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGE AND THEY DIDN'T SHOW IT. I AM IRATE!!!! Gah. Ooh, fire!! And he's playing a giant drum. The fog machine is paying for itself on this one. Holy crap. The dancer stole her outfit and her hair from Rihanna. Oh, and now he's playing the piano. Awwwkward endings...
Turkey - Can Bonomo
Starting with fireworks. Excellent. BILLOWY CLOAKS OF DOOM!! Is he pretending to be a Whirling Dervish? Oh. I understand, anchors on the background screens. They're dressed like sailors. FROM THE WORLD'S WEIRDEST NAVY. It's like a bunch of vampires are suddenly on a chain-gang. Aaaand now they're using their cloaks to make a boat. Of course.
Estonia - Ott Lepland
Ahaha, he won Estonian Idol and played Zac Efron in Estonian High School Musical. And he's wearing a waistcoat over a t-shirt. Bless... He's pretty cute though. Although he can't seem to keep his eyes open. He's got a pretty good voice. And can raise an eyebrow while he has his eyes closed. Impressive skill, dude. He's keeping one hand on his heart at all times. Is this the new Estonian national anthem?? Oh. Now he has his arms out like Jesus on the cross. Alrighty then.
Slovakia - Max Jason Mai
Holy crap. If his pants were any lower, there would be penis on screen right now. STROBE LIGHTS. This is like the year that metal band from Finland, Lordi won, dressed like monsters. Only not. Am I watching Eurovision or the trailer for Rock of Ages?? His hair is enormous. DUDE. DON'T EXERT YOURSELF. Your pants will ACTUALLY fall off. His band aren't bad. He's...not great. Sorry, Max... At least it's something different!
Norway - Tooji
Oooh, fancy acrobatic choreography. And fog. AAAND the crowd goes wild! Is this Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black?? It's pretty catchy though. And the choreography is fun. FIREWORKS AND FIRE!! Double threat. I'm doing a little dance in my chair. I guess that means it's pretty good?? I wouldn't object to hearing it again tomorrow night, at any rate.
Bosnia & Herzegovina - Maya Sar
Singing and playing the piano while wearing a dress stolen from Morticia Addams. Okay then. She's got a nice voice, but she's spending an awful lot of time looking incredibly worried. And she's abusing the wind machine a little bit. Not a whole lot more to say, really.
Lithuania - Donny Montell
Um. What is that sparkly blindfold thing?? Good Lord. He's knee deep in fog. That poor fog machine has been working overtime! Seriously, what the fuck is this blindfold?? He looks like he's about to face a drag queen firing squad. Ohhhh, "love is blind". I see (ha) what you did there. YES. He's ditched the blindfold. And done a single handed cartwheel. Kind of looks like a young John Barrowman. Despite the gimmicky-ness, this is actually kind of okay. Very Eurovision, but a decent way to end the songs for the evening.
Aaaaand it's results time. Which ten countries will make it through to tomorrow night's final??
1. Lithuania
2. Bosnia & Herzegovina
3. Serbia
4. Ukraine
5. Sweden
6. F.Y.R. Macedonia
7. Norway
8. Estonia
9. Malta
10. Turkey
Well. There we have it! I'm kind of bummed that Anri and his on-stage costume change didn't make the cut. But I guess at least we have Turkey and the vampire navy to look forward to tomorrow night...
Are you watching the big finale tomorrow? Who would have your vote given the opportunity??
K xx
