200 miles on trains is too many miles

Previously: we went to the zoo and the red panda was actually doing stuff!! 

The following morning, I bid Sara a sad farewell as she headed off to work. Then I got myself organised, and walked half way across Portsmouth to the Historic Dockyard. I must have looked very confident about where I was going, because I got asked for directions twice. Thankfully, one person was looking for something that I'd just walked past five minutes earlier so I was able to help! The other one was less successful, however.

After about half an hour, I made it to the Dockyard. I'd been planning on seeing the HMS Victory as well as the Mary Rose, but given that I was planning on catching a train at about 1pm and it was already after 10am, I didn't really have the time. Or, you know, the money. They tried to sell me on an annual pass at the gate, but my accent combined with my "..........seriously??" face must have worked enough that they backed off pretty quickly. Also, there was a TARDIS there and literally no explanation for it. I *may* have flailed briefly before realising that it was almost certainly a prop.

Ultimately, I decided to go with the Mary Rose. The last time I saw the Mary Rose was probably 1994, and it was still just basically a big room that you walked through while they sprayed the ship with water and a separate museum building. Now? There's a fabulous museum incorporating the ship at the centre, spread across three levels and filled with information about all the different parts of the ship as well as the people who sailed on it.

At the moment, it's kind of hard to see the scale of the ship itself. They've finally finished spraying it with polyethylene glycol, and the ship is being dried so there are big drying tubes everywhere, and you just peep in at the ship at various points.

So that part was ever so slightly disappointing, but the museum itself was AWESOME.

All the exhibits were fascinating, and I loved how they were centred around various members of the crew, complete with facial reconstructions. But I think my favourite part was learning about the galley - how the stoves worked, how the food for each mess was kept separate, how they were able to have open fires and make bread and all kinds of stuff ON A FREAKING WOODEN SHIP.

I also may have sniggered more than was warranted over what these daggers looked like without their long-gone blades:

Eventually, I came to the end of the museum and made my way to the cafe for a fortifying double chocolate muffin and a sit down before walking back to Sara's. I passed HMS Victory, HMS Warrior, and Spinnaker Tower on the way:

After another half hour walk, I staggered up the four flights of stairs to Sara's apartment, drank a massive glass of water, went for a wee, grabbed my suitcase, headed back down the stairs, and dragged my suitcase the kilometre to the train station. It was about as fun as you'd anticipate. I was a little worried that I'd miss the train I'd planned on catching, but I made it with enough time to buy a ticket and chill out for five minutes before jumping on the train.

It took about two hours to get to Waterloo, and thankfully the train was almost empty for most of the trip so I didn't feel guilty for taking up a block of four seats with all my stuff. When I got back to London, I then had to trek from Waterloo to London Bridge to get the house keys from C, then head back to his place to dump all my stuff.

I had a whopping 45 minutes in which to collapse on the sofa before heading out again to meet C at Kings Cross and jump on a train to Cambridge. The train was crowded with commuters, so we ended up spending the trip sitting very uncomfortably in a luggage rack. Upon arrival in Cambridge, we hightailed it down the road to The Cambridge Blue. We were meeting up with friends of C's from Melbourne who happened to be in Cambridge for a couple of days.

I have literally no idea what I ate, because it was months ago, but I seem to remember it being delicious. Also, shout out to the girl behind the bar who didn't bat an eyelid when I walked up and said "My brother wants a pint of something hoppy, and he said "surprise me"..." because C was sitting between a small child and the wall and couldn't order his own damned beer.

After a couple of hours, the small child was getting cranky, so we said our goodbyes and headed back to the train station to discover that we'd just pissed a train and there was a half hour wait for the next one. Obviously, I went to the M&S at the station and bought up on Percy Pigs. It shouldn't have taken that long to get back to Kings Cross, but TWICE on the way back, the train lost power. The first time, all the lights went out and we were all just sitting there on a stopped train wondering if we were about to be attacked by Dementors*.

Then the driver made an announcement along the lines of "I have no idea what's going on, but I'll try and work it out", and then proceeded to wander through the train with a torch opening panels and investigating things. We finally rolled - literally. It was like the train was running on fumes - into Kings Cross about 45 minutes later than we should have. Thankfully, we didn't have far to go to get back to C's, where I promptly collapsed into bed. Which isn't surprising considering my Fitbit tells me I walked 18.35km that day!

Basically, this. 

*may just have been me.

K xx

Next time, I suck at navigating and go to the theatre. 

Movie Monday - Jupiter Ascending

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat, Movie Monday is back! Okay, fine. It's like a one-off thing so that I can fangirl flail, but whatever.

So a week or so ago, I roped Ness and her boyfriend into seeing Jupiter Ascending with me. I'd seen on Tumblr and heard from friends that it was essentially the worst film of ever, but that it's so bad it comes back around again and it's actually fabulous.

I was massively sceptical, let me tell you. But we got discount tickets, so what the hell, right? And I'm so glad I saw it because it. was. FABULOUS.

Source

Sure, the storyline is totally over the top ridiculous. I mean, there's space capitalists who own entire planets and treat humans as livestock. Space werewolves with anti-gravity boots that are basically flying rollerblades. Sean Bean as a character with dubious morals. An illegal immigrant cleaner being the reincarnation of the head of a powerful space capitalist family. James D'Arcy turning up, because apparently it's now the law for him to be in literally everything that I like. Eddie Redmayne wearing what Tumblr describes as "a tits out dressing gown with arm wings" whispering his lines in a Godfather-esque fashion while wandering around a space cathedral in the heart of Jupiter (the planet, not the character). Half of Chicago getting destroyed and no one remembering a thing. Bees. CHANNING TATUM WITH BADLY BLEACHED BLONDE HAIR AND A TERRIBLE GOATEE.

BEES. Also, source.

It sounds, as I'm sure you'd agree based on the previous paragraph, like a total and utter trainwreck. Hell, in a lot of ways it feels like fan fiction written by a 14 year old girl with $175 million dollars thrown at it. Which SHOULD be an unmitigated disaster.

And yet, it's massively entertaining. The script is full of intentionally ridiculous moments that are totally hilarious ("I love dogs", for example). The cinematography is stunning. The costumes are utterly glorious. Jupiter (the character, not the planet) goes from "I hate my life" to "holy shit snacks, what the hell is happening?" to "excuse me while I bandage your bleeding chest with a feminine hygiene product" to "I'm a badass self rescuing space princess who's maybe kinda sorta in love with a dude with wolf DNA".

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There's a ton of gender role reversal, including on the poster. Jupiter is front and centre, staring straight into the camera. Caine's gaze is on Jupiter, in an approximation of the traditional tits and ass pose that so many women are forced into on sci-fi and action posters. In the film, Jupiter's the one who makes the romantic advances. Caine's the one seen in a sexualised light. She's the one who overpowers the villain. She's the one who saves the world. She wears her hair in a ponytail most of the time because it's hard to kick ass and save the world when your hair's in your face. And it is magical.

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In short? It was everything I wanted from a movie. And you should go and see it immediately.

Have you seen it? What did you think?

K xx

Fluffy little feetsies

Previously, Sara and I went on the Harry Potter Studio Tour and it was totally magical (ha) from start to finish. 

The Monday morning dawned moderately warm and something heading in the general direction of sunny. Because England. We got ourselves sorted out, then hit the road heading to Sara's brother's house to pick up her niece. We met Sara's sister and her baby son, then loaded up the cars with babies and all the paraphernalia that goes along with babies and headed to Marwell Zoo.

It gave me a world of childhood flashbacks, because I'm pretty sure we went to Marwell Zoo a time or twelve when we were living in the UK back in the early 90s, though I'm sure it's changed a lot since then.

We started off with a trip to the penguins, where the wee one made a new friend:

Then we wandered over to the giraffes. There was a baby one, which was totally adorable.

After rather a long time hanging out with the giraffes, we went in search of Sara's favourite animal: the bongos. We couldn't see them anywhere in their enclosure, or in the indoor section, but we DID find this rather hilarious sign:

Finally, being the tallest of the group by a good three inches, I managed to find the bongo by peering over a tall fence. It had squidged itself into a corner up against the fence where it was guaranteed a nice rest.

By the time we got past the zebras (hiding in the shrubbery on the other side of their enclosure), the babies were getting squirmy so we figured it was time to stop for lunch. Which featured Pom-Bears (someone please bring them to Australia immediately) and a bird pooping in the baby carriage...

Our afternoon of animal viewing was rather more successful than the morning. Our first stop was the red panda, my all time favourite, and for the first time in approximately a million trips to various zoos around the world, the red panda was wandering around like a happy little camper. I was absolutely thrilled and could happily have spent the rest of the afternoon watching him wander around. I think the wee one felt the same way, because she kept squealing with excitement.

Eventually, I dragged myself away and we paid a visit to the coati, who were also having a jolly old wander around before heading through the reptiles, the monkeys and the lemurs.

We stopped for an ice cream break on the basis that the babies tooooootally needed to be fed, then we hit what was easily the highlight of the trip. I know, something actually managed to trump the red panda. I was as shocked as anyone. Yes, it was the end of the day and approaching - one assumes - feeding time for the snow leopards. So they were incredibly active. Well. Mostly.

There was a huge crowd of people on one side of the enclosure taking photos, and we realised that there was another viewing area. So we headed up there to find that it was deserted. And one of the leopards was pacing back and forth in front of the glass. So I was standing RIGHT THERE in prime position to get some pretty damned fabulous photos. Sorry, Man With a $10,000 Camera who ran up two minutes later. My entry level SLR and my kit lens trumped the pants off you. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

LOOK AT ITS FLUFFY LITTLE FEETSIES!!

Ahem.

Needless to say, I was pretty thrilled. We saw a few more animals on our way out, like the hippos and the anteaters and the tapirs, but most of them were pretty unexciting after actually seeing the snow leopards doing things.

After a fairly disastrous trip to the bathroom - turns out babies and those airport style hand driers don't get along - we headed for home where we offloaded the babies and went to the pub for some much needed drinks and dinner.

Next time, I finally see some of Portsmouth and head back to London. 

What's your favourite at the zoo?

K xx

Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts

Previously: Sara and I went to Stonehenge and Bath, and had an incredibly nutritious lunch of scones and chips. 

Warning: this post is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally photo-heavy. But it's worth it. Trust me.

The day after we went to Bath somehow turned into a nothing day. We both woke up late, and decided that we should finish watching North and South before we did anything else. Eventually, we figured that we should do SOMETHING besides sit on the sofa all day, so we drove into town and had a late lunch before wandering around the shops for a while. I'd been planning on getting a new between-seasons coat while I was in England, so technically we were on the look out for that. Me being me, I came home with a pair of raspberry patent heels. FAR more important than a stupid coat!

I mean, seriously. 

We headed home via the supermarket to procure pizza and cider, and had dinner in front of Doctor Who before spending the night watching Prisoner of Azkaban. It was low key and relaxing and fabulous to not be running around all over the place for a change.

The next morning, we were up bright and early and on the road before 10am. Frankly, I'd been excited about our final destination for this particular day since about JULY, and it didn't disappoint. We started off with a trip to Windsor, because if we were going to spend all that damned time on the M25, you can bet your arse we were going to break up the trip.

Parking was a monumental bitch, as you can imagine if you've ever been to Windsor, but finally we found a parking spot and headed into the castle. After parting with a small fortune, we headed inside. And honestly? The public areas were a lot smaller than I remembered them being when I was a kid. It didn't help that the chapel was closed because it was Sunday, but I remember there being far more to see and do than just the state rooms and Queen Mary's doll house. *shrugs*

I'd also forgotten about the almost-constant low flying planes en route to land at Heathrow, which must be nice and relaxing for the queen!!

Once we'd exhausted the possibilities at the castle and decided that we didn't need a stuffed toy corgi from the gift shop, we wandered back into town for a spot of lunch before stopping at a supermarket to procure some snacks. Then we hit the road and basically flailed our way up the M25 to our final destination: The Harry Potter studio tour.

It.

Was.

AMAZING.

I mean, I thought I'd died and gone to Heaven when I went to Wizarding World of Harry Potter. And sure, this didn't have awesome rides. But it WAS non-stop amazingness from basically the moment we walked in the door. The very first thing you see (besides giant photos of the cast, and half a Ford Anglia coming out of the wall) is the Cupboard Under the Stairs.

From there, they show you a short film, and then you head into the Great Hall. If you're planning on going, I'd highly recommend going on your birthday, because of reasons.

I could happily have stayed in the Great Hall for another 20 minutes or so because it's so amazingly detailed, but there was tons more to see.

The first half of the tour is smaller sets, like the Gryffindor Common Room and Dumbledore's office, lots of costumes, and a ton of fun props, like the Horcruxes, Hermione's Timeturner, quidditch supplies, and the Triwizard Cup.

DanRad is tiny. Seriously. 

It took us at least an hour to get through it all, and it was marvellous. It's astonishing how much detail was created for props that get a couple of seconds of screen time.

Then you head outside to some of the exterior sets - Number 4 Privet Drive, the bridge at Hogwarts, and the Potter's cottage from Godric's Hollow. There's also the Knight Bus, which is pretty fabulous, and some more of the big chess pieces.

You can also get butter beer, which is pretty delicious in small quantities but is quite likely to make you feel sick if you drink more than a few sips.

The second half of the tour is all about the animatronics and the models that they used, and it's pretty damned fascinating.

From there, you get to walk up Diagon Alley, which felt oddly like returning to Wizarding World of Harry Potter (even though when I was there, it was only Hogsmeade...):

And then it was onto the last major stop, which was my absolute favourite - the scale model of Hogwarts that they used for all the exterior shots. It's absolutely ENORMOUS.

See those people over there on the right? Yeah. ENORMOUS. 

I could happily have stood there staring at it all day, because it's utterly astonishing. The lighting slowly changes from day to night, and all the lights in the castle come on.

How could we not take a terrible selfie?! 

Eventually, we dragged ourselves away from the magnificence that is Hogwarts and headed towards the gift shop. The last room you pass through is filled with wand boxes. There are over two thousand of them, and they bear the names of all the cast and crew, which is pretty fabulous.

Hell, even the gift shop was magical. I spent rather more than I'd planned, but came out with a Ravenclaw t-shirt for myself, and a wand for Little Miss A (Totally worth it).

Eventually, our wallets rather lighter than planned, we headed back to the car and drove back to Portsmouth. We wandered down the road to the pub for dinner, and spent the rest of the night watching Goblet of Fire. Because really, what else would we do after such a Potter-tastic day?!

Next time, we acquire a couple of small children and head to the zoo. 

K xx