Yes, friends, it's that time of year again! I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights live tweeting up a storm. Live blogging on top of that was a little too much to ask, so as with last year you're getting a wrap up post instead.
Sadly, there wasn't a whole lot of crazy this year. There weren't even many songs that stand out as being particularly awful. There WERE a bunch that were just kind of...odd??...so we'll talk about those instead.
MY FAVOURITES
Guy Sebastian - Tonight Again (Australia)
Okay, I'll admit: I'm a little biased here. Yes, Australia (inexplicably) competed for the first time, and I absolutely loved Guy Sebastian's song.
Bojana Stamenov - Beauty Never Lies (Serbia)
This is FREAKING AMAZING. On stage costume changes, a super sparkly Adele-esque lead singer, a catchy tune, and fabulous lyrics. A big fat A+ from me.
Mans Zelmerlow - Heroes (Sweden)
This was the favourite, and there's a good reason why it won: those visuals are STUNNING. I was a little afraid that it wouldn't stand up without the visuals behind it, but I've been pleasantly surprised by how catchy it is with just the audio.
Loic Nottet - Rhythm Inside (Belgium)
In the semi-final, all I could focus on was the over the top lighting and how it feels like it belongs on the Orphan Black soundtrack. But by the time the final rolled around, I was really excited when they turned up on stage.
Nadav Guedj - Golden Boy (Israel)
It pains me to put this on this list. Because let's face it - this song is pretty terrible. But it's a TOTAL earworm that warrants chair dancing whenever you hear it. AND HIS SHOES!!!! What even. Dammit, Israel.
Nina Sublatti - Warrior (Georgia)
If anything at Eurovision screamed "girl power anthem", it's this. Fabulous.
THE ONES THAT ARE GROWING ON ME
Ann Sophie - Black Smoke (Germany)
I didn't love this in performance. But I've listened to it a few times since downloading the album, and I enjoy it more and more each time.
Electro Velvet - Still in Love With You (United Kingdom)
I think when I saw this on TV, I was so ridiculously overwhelmed by the set and the outfits and EVERYTHING LIGHTING UP that I couldn't really pay attention to the song. It's definitely better without the visuals.
Lisa Angell - N'oubliez Pas (France)
SBS added subtitles for the non-English songs, and it meant that I knew just how depressing this song really is. The beige-dressed Les Miserables wanna-bes at the end didn't help. But without the visuals and the subtitles, it's pretty good.
Maraaya - Here For You (Slovenia)
Another one that suffered from distracting visuals. I mean, her headphones and the interpretive dancer with one leg glued to the floor playing an invisible violin? What the eff. But I think I've listened to it four times today, and it grows on me more each time.
Voltaj - De La Capat (Romania)
So this song is about kids who've been left behind when their parents moved internationally for work. Essentially, it's depression central. But it's a surprisingly good song. And, you know, it helps that it's in Romanian so you have no idea what the words are...
JUST STOP
BOGGIE - Wars for Nothing (Hungary)
Every time I hear this song, it sends me to sleep. Sorry not sorry.
Edurne - Amanecer (Spain)
Look, it's not a terrible song. But the staging just made it hilarious.
Elina Born and Stig Rästa - Goodbye to Yesterday (Estonia)
They stared at each other so intently when they were singing that I can't hear the song without seeing it in my head, and...yeah. Plus, the lyrics are kind of creepy...
Elnur Huseynov - Hour of the Wolf (Azerbaijan)
Dude. No. Ditch the interpretive dancers, and stop singing about wolves, yeah?
Genealogy - Face the Shadow (Armenia)
This whole thing came across as a coven of witches trying to recruit new members.
The Makemakes - I Am Yours (Austria)
WHAT DID THAT PIANO EVER DO TO YOU??? And what the hell is your guitarist wearing ohgod my eyes.
Trijntje Ooserhuis - Walk Along (The Netherlands)
Girl. You are wearing the love child of a bin bag and an academic gown. WHY.
Did you watch Eurovision this year? Who were your favourites?
K xx
Showing posts with label complete insanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complete insanity. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Monday, May 12, 2014
Eurovision wrap up
Yes, I know it's Monday and I should be talking about movies. But Honey Badger don't care because I had three days of back-to-back Eurovision awesomeness over the weekend, and I feel the need to talk about it.
Unlike 2012 and 2013, blogging AND tweeting all three nights seemed far too much like hard work. Tweeting won out. And now that it's all over, it seems like far too much hard work to recap every single act from the three nights. So instead? I'll just give you my favourites and my "WTF EVEN IS THIS??" picks, in no particular order because ranking things is hard.
FAVOURITES
Austria
There's a reason why Conchita Wurst won. I wasn't sure about the song when she performed at the semi-final, but it turns out it's a total earworm and I've been singing it ever since. Clearly, the crowd felt the same because at the final, you could hear the crowd singing along with her during the chorus. I really want it to be the theme song for the next James Bond movie.
Portugal
They didn't make the final, sadly, but this is pretty much everything you could want from Eurovision - cracked out insanity, that element of I-have-no-idea-what's-going-on thanks to it not being in English, sparkly costumes, ridiculous dance moves, and a catchy tune.
Malta
Look, they're basically the Maltese version of Mumford and Sons, but there's a reason why Mumford and Sons are so popular. This may rapidly turn into an emergency dance party song.
Switzerland
This dude wins the prize for staring down the camera while singing. No matter which camera they used at the final, he was all over it. Plus, it's hella catchy.
Finland
Sure, they're all about twelve years old but this one is just so catchy that I suspect it will be on high rotation for quite a while.
Iceland
The Wiggles meet Eurovision! The dancing is particularly fabulous.
Ukraine
As if I could pass up a back up performer who's basically rolling around in a giant hamster wheel.
Montenegro
I have no idea what the song is about, but I was on board the instant I saw that girl on rollerblades in the background. Who knew you could make it look that much like ice skating?!?!? INSANITY.
WTF EVEN IS THIS??
France
There's a reason why you ended up with a mere two points, France. And their dancing reminded me a lot of Pop! from Music and Lyrics.
Hungary
Oooof. This is on the WTF list for a completely different reason to most. The song is really catchy, and the performance by the back up dancers is amazing. But who goes to Eurovision with a song about child abuse and domestic violence?!?!?!!? O.o
Romania
A fake circular piano??? I can't even. Add in the fact that the guy reminds me a lot of Jon Lovitz - who creeps me out - and the fact that the girl is doing some weird crossover arm nonsense and I came out of this one very confused.
Russia
How on earth did they get on stage with their ponytails joined together like that??? The presence of non-Jedward twins = NOPE.
Italy
I don't even remember what the song was like. I was too busy being concerned about my burnt out retinas. Add in an awkward shot of her groin, a keytar, and a really pitchy opening and I was solidly on the nope train.
Poland
Sweet mother of Jeebus, Poland. There are children watching this show.
Georgia
I have literally no idea what in the sodding hell was going on here. If you'd told me they'd been rescued from a commune outside San Francisco, I would honestly not be surprised.
Moldova
I actually loved this one when it aired, but the more I think about it, the more insane it is. It's clearly influenced by Game of Thrones. But why on earth does she rip her hair off???
So there you have it. Another year of Eurovision over. And we're heading to Austria next year!
Did you watch Eurovision this year? Who were your favourites and who was on the top of your WTF list?
K xx
Unlike 2012 and 2013, blogging AND tweeting all three nights seemed far too much like hard work. Tweeting won out. And now that it's all over, it seems like far too much hard work to recap every single act from the three nights. So instead? I'll just give you my favourites and my "WTF EVEN IS THIS??" picks, in no particular order because ranking things is hard.
FAVOURITES
Austria
There's a reason why Conchita Wurst won. I wasn't sure about the song when she performed at the semi-final, but it turns out it's a total earworm and I've been singing it ever since. Clearly, the crowd felt the same because at the final, you could hear the crowd singing along with her during the chorus. I really want it to be the theme song for the next James Bond movie.
Portugal
They didn't make the final, sadly, but this is pretty much everything you could want from Eurovision - cracked out insanity, that element of I-have-no-idea-what's-going-on thanks to it not being in English, sparkly costumes, ridiculous dance moves, and a catchy tune.
Malta
Look, they're basically the Maltese version of Mumford and Sons, but there's a reason why Mumford and Sons are so popular. This may rapidly turn into an emergency dance party song.
Switzerland
This dude wins the prize for staring down the camera while singing. No matter which camera they used at the final, he was all over it. Plus, it's hella catchy.
Finland
Sure, they're all about twelve years old but this one is just so catchy that I suspect it will be on high rotation for quite a while.
Iceland
The Wiggles meet Eurovision! The dancing is particularly fabulous.
Ukraine
As if I could pass up a back up performer who's basically rolling around in a giant hamster wheel.
Montenegro
I have no idea what the song is about, but I was on board the instant I saw that girl on rollerblades in the background. Who knew you could make it look that much like ice skating?!?!? INSANITY.
WTF EVEN IS THIS??
France
There's a reason why you ended up with a mere two points, France. And their dancing reminded me a lot of Pop! from Music and Lyrics.
Hungary
Oooof. This is on the WTF list for a completely different reason to most. The song is really catchy, and the performance by the back up dancers is amazing. But who goes to Eurovision with a song about child abuse and domestic violence?!?!?!!? O.o
Romania
A fake circular piano??? I can't even. Add in the fact that the guy reminds me a lot of Jon Lovitz - who creeps me out - and the fact that the girl is doing some weird crossover arm nonsense and I came out of this one very confused.
Russia
How on earth did they get on stage with their ponytails joined together like that??? The presence of non-Jedward twins = NOPE.
Italy
I don't even remember what the song was like. I was too busy being concerned about my burnt out retinas. Add in an awkward shot of her groin, a keytar, and a really pitchy opening and I was solidly on the nope train.
Poland
Sweet mother of Jeebus, Poland. There are children watching this show.
Georgia
I have literally no idea what in the sodding hell was going on here. If you'd told me they'd been rescued from a commune outside San Francisco, I would honestly not be surprised.
Moldova
I actually loved this one when it aired, but the more I think about it, the more insane it is. It's clearly influenced by Game of Thrones. But why on earth does she rip her hair off???
So there you have it. Another year of Eurovision over. And we're heading to Austria next year!
Did you watch Eurovision this year? Who were your favourites and who was on the top of your WTF list?
K xx
Monday, May 20, 2013
Movie Monday: Eurotrip
In honour of the amazing fabulousness that was Eurovision, there was only one movie I could see fit to watch this week: EUROTRIP. Yes, it's completely and utterly ridiculous, and mostly found entertaining by teenage boys, and filled with some truly terrible acting. But I love it for completely inexplicable reasons.
Reasons why Eurotrip is awesome:
1. Matt Damon cameo of amazingness.
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| Source |
3. Vinnie Jones. There are no words for how much I love Vinnie Jones in this movie.
4. The scene on the train with the creepy Italian dude.
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| Source |
6. Insanely awkward break ups.
7. Fighting the robot guy at the Louvre.
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9. The opening credits.
10. Bert. He's great.
11. Scotty Doesn't Know.
13. The country introduction montages.
14. Soccer hooligans.
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| Yup, that's Vinnie Jones opening beer bottles with his eye sockets. Also, source. |
16. English swearing.
17. Mieke's little brother. OMG.
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| Source lost to the depths of Tumblr |
19. Cooper's phonecalls with his boss at the law firm.
20. Bratislava and stereotypes of Eastern Europe.
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| Source |
22. Hanging out in the Pope's apartment.
23. Scotty as Pope.
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25. The outtakes and additional scenes in the end credits, especially Joanna Lumley.
Plus, the following quotes:
- "This isn't where I parked my car!"
- "I'm never drinking again."
- "Mi scuzi..."
- "Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore."
- "You guys are the worst twins ever."
- "Cooper... Take off the Pope hat..." "Oh, no, it's okay, I'm Catholic!"
- "This is the biggest sausage fest on earth..." "It's the International House of Sausage!"
- "What the hell is that?" "A traveller's moneybelt! Frommer's says as long as you have one of these, no one can rob you of anything!" "Except your dignity..." "No, you just put that in your...wait, what?"
- "Why are you wearing my bathrobe?" "Oh, I'M SORRY. But somebody PISSED all over mine last night!"
- "Dear Mike, greetings from your American pen pal." "Scotty, girl scouts have pen pals. Listen to yourself, all right? You met a "cool guy" on the Internet? This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know he's gonna want to arrange a meeting, where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van and make a wind chime out of your genitals."
- "Dear sweet mother of God. We're in Eastern Europe..."
- "Oh, Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some GIRL."
- "Yeah... um, listen. We're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon?" "Oh yes! Very soon! They are building it now!"
- "You didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country?" "They would have stopped paying me. Seemed easier."
- "Enjoy Bratislava. It's good you came in summer; in winter it can get very depressing."
So. Have you seen it? Did you think it was the dumbest movie ever? Or a secret piece of genius?
K xx
So. Have you seen it? Did you think it was the dumbest movie ever? Or a secret piece of genius?
K xx
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The most wonderful time of the year, part 3
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's finals night!!!!!!!! :D
If you missed the semi-finals, you can check out my posts here and here. You can see all the acts on Youtube here, and all pictures are sourced from the individual country pages here.
We're starting with a choir singing an anthem written by some of Sweden's best known artists. And there's some kind of flag parade going down, like it's the Olympics or something. Only most of them are wearing white, because IT'S EUROVISION. Also, it's taking all the fun out of how insane the outfits will be. For shame, Sweden. FOR SHAME.
And now, on with the performances! I'll do proper stuff for the Big Five and Sweden, and a couple of lines for the rest, as they've already performed in the semis. On with the show!!
France - Amandine Bourgeois
We're starting with a choir singing an anthem written by some of Sweden's best known artists. And there's some kind of flag parade going down, like it's the Olympics or something. Only most of them are wearing white, because IT'S EUROVISION. Also, it's taking all the fun out of how insane the outfits will be. For shame, Sweden. FOR SHAME.
And now, on with the performances! I'll do proper stuff for the Big Five and Sweden, and a couple of lines for the rest, as they've already performed in the semis. On with the show!!
She's wearing an insane fringed leather dress and it's kind of blues-y. Couldn't be more different from last year's French entry, but I'm kind of liking it. Although she sort of reminds me of Veruca from Buffy, so now I don't know how to feel. Gah. Nicely rock-y and very minimalist in terms of visual effects. A good start to the night!
Lithuania - Andrius Pojavis
I think I like this better than I did in the semi-final. The lyrics are still kind of insane though.
Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov
Georgia - Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani
On to the voting! Hurrah, awkward satellite linkups from all over Europe. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm not going to go through the individual results because we've be here FOREVER. So let's cut straight to the good stuff.
The winner is...*drum roll*...DENMARK!!! It's ever so slightly disappointing because she was the favourite, but at least it was a decent song. And hopefully this means more people playing the fife into the future!! Still, I'm sad that Romania weren't higher up the points than they ended up...
Moldova - Aliona Moon
Time for the insane costumes to commence!! I still hate her hair with a fiery passion. She brought her A game though, so at least the singing didn't suck.
Finland - Krista Siegfrids
Oh God, here we go. I'm pretty sure her shoes have gotten even more insane in the past few days. Honestly, I'm a little disturbed by how catchy this song is. Bonus points for the onstage costume change!
Spain - ESDM
Bagpipes. Which, you know, Spain is totally famous for... She has crazy sparkly eyeshadow going on, along with excessive use of the wind machine. It's kind of rock-y and I think I love it. Plus, their guitarist is wearing a bowtie. Bowties are cool. Her dress looks a little bit like it had an unfortunate encounter with a lawnmower. But it wasn't a sad tragic ballad, so...WIN.
Belgium - Roberto Bellarossa
I didn't think it was possible, but I think he's singing with his eyebrows even more than he was the other night. Wowsers. I still don't really understand why his back up dancers are so corporate-looking, but I think the song has grown on me.
Estonia - Birgit
Apparently she's preggers, which at least explains her slightly insane cone-like dress. Although I don't know why the footage starts in black and white and then switches to colour...
Belarus - Alyona Lanskaya
I think the cameraman's drunk - the footage here is totally insane. Also, she's sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiightly flat and it's killing me.
Malta - Gianluca
I think I like this more than I did the other night too. Maybe he seems more relaxed or something? IDK. He's still insanely squinty from smiling though. The bit where he went out to interact with the crowd was AWFUL though. Seriously pitchy.
Russia - Dina Garipova
The repetition of "ified, ified, ified" at the start of the song is still crazy awkward. Still, it's a song about peace, and Eurovision goes crazy for that shit.
Germany - Cascada
I can never work out how I feel about Cascada, because a lot of their songs end up as Body Pump tracks... ANYWAY. That is one HELL of a shiny dress. SMOKE MACHINE. She also seems a little flat and it's making me cringe. It's a pretty catchy song though, and I'm chair dancing which always results in bonus points, but usually leads to songs getting almost no points in the voting. So...there's that.
Armenia - Dorians
Still going with no. Too much double denim. And hand close ups. Someone really needs to talk to that cameraman.
The Netherlands - Anouk
I still can't tell if she's crazy pitchy or if this song is just legitimately insane. It kind of sounds like it belongs in a moody teen movie involving a boy with a crooked smile and someone with paranormal powers.
Romania - Cezar
Cezar, you are the personification of Eurovision. I love you. And I'm kind of obsessed with your song. And you nailed that performance.
UK - Bonnie Tyler
Oh, Bonnie. If you were singing Total Eclipse of the Heart, I would be totally on board with your presence here. Sadly, you're not. At least it's an improvement on last year's Engelbert Humperdinck?? Wow. Bonnie, honey. This is pretty awful. The UK *really* doesn't want to win, do they?! It's entirely possible that this is WORST than Engelbert. I didn't think it was possible. She HAS broken out the wind machine and a levitating stage, so I guess that gets her like half a point...
Sweden - Robin Stjernberg
He's dressed in all white and has Jedward hair. Things are off to a good start. The stage is flooded with smoke and he has back up dancers doing acrobatics. The amount of make up he's wearing is slightly terrifying though. His song's not bad, but it's crazy repetitive. Fireworks AND a curtain of sparks falling from the roof. He definitely brought his A game!
Hungary - ByeAlex
Ugh. Still hipsters, still a boring song, still all kinds of nope.
Denmark - Emmeline de Forest
I still love this song and her Ronan Keating lookalike on the fife and side drum. AND they just released sparkly confetti in the arena! Denmark are going above and beyond tonight.
Iceland - Eythor Ingi
Thor! I didn't notice last night, but he has awesome jewellery going on. And he just did a seriously hard core "throw the mic stand out of the way" move. Awesome.
Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov
This is still awesome, and I still don't understand how the guy in the box is doing all the stuff he's doing. Because it's hella impressive.
Greece - Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis
Oh Greece. You're still insane and confusing and brilliant. Love every second of it.
Ukraine - Zlata Oglavich
The eight foot tall man in a Braveheart costume is still insanely confusing. She appears to have kicked her dance moves up a notch since the other night. Although she still can't really move in her silly mermaid dress.
Italy - Marco Mengoni
The last of the big five. He's singing in Italian, so I have no idea what's happening. It's all very minimalist, and I'm not sure what to make of it. Yet another impressive set of eyebrows, but at least he's not using them as back up performers. I'm kind of loving his blue/green/teal suit though!
Norway - Margaret Berger
Her hair is as awful as it was during the semi-final, but the song is still awesome. And her dress is pretty great.
Time for the only duet of the night. I think the song's grown on me? I think. I can't really tell, to be honest. Maybe if I wasn't distracted by her insanely sparkly dress I'd like it better.
Ireland - Ryan Dolan
The final song of the evening brings us tattooed shirtless men in very shiny trousers. I'm still a little disappointed that it's not Jedward for the third year in a row. Sigh. The song's not terrible, but the crazy dance moves are hilarious.
And we've got last year's winner, Loreen, as the interval entertainment. Awesome! Although I'm not quite sure why she's got wings... Oh. Because she was going to get hauled up into the air. OF COURSE. And an ABBA tribute, although no actual ABBA. Sad panda.
The winner is...*drum roll*...DENMARK!!! It's ever so slightly disappointing because she was the favourite, but at least it was a decent song. And hopefully this means more people playing the fife into the future!! Still, I'm sad that Romania weren't higher up the points than they ended up...
See you all in Copenhagen next year!!
K xx
Saturday, May 18, 2013
The most wonderful time of the year, part 2
If you missed last night's post covering semi-final 1, go and check it out before you read this.
For those who've read it, let's get going on semi-final 2!! Once again, you can see all the acts here (The former is mostly preview videos, and the latter may only work in Australia). And once again, all images were sourced from the individual country profiles here.
Here's hoping Malmo delivers us less ballads than last night, or I may just cry...
Latvia - PeR
OH MY GOD. The Latvian version of Jedward. They're wearing the sparkliest suits ever. And are alternating between singing, rapping, and bouncing around like idiots. Also, they have a keytar player. And a guy whose guitar has an iPad in it?? Awesome. We're already off to a better start than last night!! The song's incredibly repetitive but pretty catchy. WHEEE, STAGE DIVING!! That was kind of great, in a trashy Europop way.
San Marino - Valentina Monetta
It's the girl who sang the Social Network song!! Only she's ginger this year. One wonders if her song any better than last year's trainwreck... Um. She's waving a giant glowing ball around the stage. So while the song is less awful, I'm still pretty confused. She appears to be wearing a nightie borrowed from Morticia Addams, with a nice ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGE!!!! billowy cloak of doom effect. Pretty great compared to last year.
FYR Macedonia - Esma & Lozano
A t-shirt with a tuxedo? Uh. Sure? And OH MY GOD you have to watch the video for this because her dress is freaking insane. It's like the crazy baby of a sari and a flamenco dress. Awesome. The song is...I honestly have no idea. It's like a combination of 12 different factors and I can't work out what they add up to. I think I like it though.
Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov
You'll be thrilled to know that his eyebrows are less terrifying than in that picture. Which is a relief. For some reason, he's on top of a perspex box with a person in it. And said person is doing acrobatic stuff in the box. Ohhh. I think the person is meant to be his shadow. That's pretty cool!! And he's kind of adorable. And now there's a girl in a billowy dress with an insane train. And the box is getting filled with rose petals or confetti or something. I'm kind of loving this. Way to bring it, Azerbaijan.
Finland - Krista Siegfrids
Apparently her back up dancers are known as "Team Ding Dong". LOL WHUT. Oh dear God. She's in a wedding dress and pink booties. And one pink glove. This is........awful. Even by Eurovision standards. It sounds like it was written by Anastasia Steele... They just pinned a giant sheet on her head. FIREWORKS!!! And ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGES!!! Her back up dancers just went from purple crushed velvet tuxes to pink bridesmaid's dresses. And a girl-on-girl kiss at the end. Because...of reasons?? IDK.
Malta - Gianluca
Apparently this dude's a medical doctor as well as a singer. Who's not?! Awwww, he has a ukelele player. It's kind of John Mayer-esque... He's very squinty, but he looks like he's having a good time, so I guess that's what matters? Another song where we have the lyrics on the screen. How thoughtful. Apparently the song is about not procrastinating. Whut. It was kind of catchy, but lacking in ridiculous theatricality.
Bulgaria - Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankulov
There are a shit ton of drums on stage right now. Along with Bulgarian bagpipes. One of the drummers has an EPIC mullet. Awesome. She seems a little out of tune. The backing singers look INSANELY bored and kind of awkward. Okay, now it sounds like the introductory music to Compass... Are they drumming with glow sticks???? ...There is now a guy carrying a giant face mask. Like, GIANT. I have no idea what to make of it.
Iceland - Eythor Ingi
Bonus points for having "Thor" in his name. It's clearly hard to sound plaintive while singing a ballad in a language full of choking sounds... It's all very minimalist, but I kind of like it. He seems to be fighting the urge to rock out, which would be kind of great. He's got back up singers now, and is rocking out a little. You know, as much as you can while singing a ballad. Again with the weird hand close up at the end. I think the cameraman has a fetish...
Greece - Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis
Apparently we're about to get Greek music in a ska style. Uh, okay... The song is called "Alcohol is Free", which LOL. All of them except the old dude are wearing...Greek kilts?? IDK. And they just dropped the bass and now everyone's rocking out. Kind of like their song is the Greek version of the Harlem Shake. I think I like it. I'm particularly impressed by the guy who can RUN around the stage while playing the accordion. Because those things aren't light! Speaking of lights, all their instruments have LEDs around the edges. Awesome.
Israel - Moran Mazor
Oh my God, Israel is doing a ballad about love rather than something about peace?? I can't even begin to process this. Or the fact that her dress is split to the naval and is like 50% cleavage... Seriously, I can't even focus on her song (which is in Hebrew, and therefore features lots of spitty noises) because I'm scared she's going to have a costume malfunction. MASSIVE KEYCHANGE. And her female back up singer has hilarious hair. And AGAIN with the hand close up. Someone needs to have words with this cameraman.
Armenia - Dorians
Apparently this song is written by the guitarist of Black Sabbath. AWESOME. The smoke machine is working overtime, and the lead singer is wearing one hell of a hipster man scarf. He also appears to have a tea towel hanging off the back of his jeans, and a scary pair of eyebrows. Another hand shot. And another ballad with a slightly more rock beat. FLAMES ON STAGE. And a guitar solo! I'm not loving the song - it's kind of like the winner's single from [insert country here] Idol.
Hungary - ByeAlex
Ohhhh honey. Could you be more of a hipster??? Good grief. And his guitarist has Jedward hair. Ten seconds in, and I kind of hate this song. It seems a little like bad karaoke - like he doesn't quite have the voice to carry it. With a different singer it might be okay. But it's falling flat for me at the moment.
Norway - Margaret Berger
We're starting off with a seizure inducing light display. She's in a Pretty White Virginal Dress, but it's a bit badass-y with silver studs down the sides. She kind of sounds like she should be in Buffy, playing at the Bronze. I kind of like it. Although I want to brush her ratty looking fishtail braid... The song was pretty great in the end.
Albania - Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko
Flames AND the smoke machine? We're off to a good start! It's more rock-based than your traditional Eurovision song. Mostly I'm just revelling in the Not Ballad-ness of it all! There's not enough head banging at Eurovision, if you ask me. A GUITAR THAT SHOOTS SPARKS. Excellent. I approve.
Georgia - Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani
The guy that wrote this wrote last year's winning song. Hmm. Interesting... The smoke machine is working overtime. Her dress looks like it was stolen from the Queen. I feel like this is one of those songs that grows on you. But right now, I'm not really feeling it. Although they've added a massive key change and a shower of sparks from the ceiling, so that definitely takes things up a couple of notches! Aaaaaaaand the wind machine's just picked up to blow her dress everywhere.
Switzerland - Takasa
The old guy in the photo up there is NINETY FIVE. Awesomeness. There's a marching drum, a flying V guitar, a double bass, and a trombone. And it's a rock song. How can you not be on board with that?? Their female singer has awesome shoes. I want them. And the guitarist is pretty cute. But the song was kind of meh. They're a Salvation Army band, that pretty much tells you all you need to know!
Romania - Cezar
Is it just me, or does he look like a Romanian version of Rupert Everett?? The smoke machine is working overtime. And his costume is HILARIOUS. He has an insane range though. He's currently singing contralto and HOLY HELL. He also has some guys doing a weird interpretive dance in front of him. Now he's rising up into the air and is singing higher than I can. Whut. FLAMES!! Awesome - it's kind of like watching Dracula sing falsetto. AMAZING.
Well. Malmo definitely kicked it up from last night! Which is something of a relief. Hurrah for less ballads!!
Who's made it through to the finale? Let's find out!!!
1. Hungary
2. Azerbaijan
3. Georgia
4. Romania
5. Norway
6. Iceland
7. Armenia
8. Finland
9. Malta
10. Greece
Are you watching the big finale tomorrow? Who would have your vote given the opportunity?? And - most importantly - are you hoping that ABBA turn up at some point???
K xx
For those who've read it, let's get going on semi-final 2!! Once again, you can see all the acts here (The former is mostly preview videos, and the latter may only work in Australia). And once again, all images were sourced from the individual country profiles here.
Here's hoping Malmo delivers us less ballads than last night, or I may just cry...
Latvia - PeR
San Marino - Valentina Monetta
FYR Macedonia - Esma & Lozano
Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov
Finland - Krista Siegfrids
Malta - Gianluca
 |
| SBS didn't have a picture. Thank God for the Beeb. |
There are a shit ton of drums on stage right now. Along with Bulgarian bagpipes. One of the drummers has an EPIC mullet. Awesome. She seems a little out of tune. The backing singers look INSANELY bored and kind of awkward. Okay, now it sounds like the introductory music to Compass... Are they drumming with glow sticks???? ...There is now a guy carrying a giant face mask. Like, GIANT. I have no idea what to make of it.
Iceland - Eythor Ingi
Greece - Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis
Israel - Moran Mazor
Armenia - Dorians
Apparently this song is written by the guitarist of Black Sabbath. AWESOME. The smoke machine is working overtime, and the lead singer is wearing one hell of a hipster man scarf. He also appears to have a tea towel hanging off the back of his jeans, and a scary pair of eyebrows. Another hand shot. And another ballad with a slightly more rock beat. FLAMES ON STAGE. And a guitar solo! I'm not loving the song - it's kind of like the winner's single from [insert country here] Idol.
Hungary - ByeAlex
Norway - Margaret Berger
Albania - Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko
Georgia - Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani
Switzerland - Takasa
Romania - Cezar
Well. Malmo definitely kicked it up from last night! Which is something of a relief. Hurrah for less ballads!!
Who's made it through to the finale? Let's find out!!!
1. Hungary
2. Azerbaijan
3. Georgia
4. Romania
5. Norway
6. Iceland
7. Armenia
8. Finland
9. Malta
10. Greece
Are you watching the big finale tomorrow? Who would have your vote given the opportunity?? And - most importantly - are you hoping that ABBA turn up at some point???
K xx
Friday, May 17, 2013
The most wonderful time of the year
That's right, children. IT'S EUROVISION TIME!!!!
And you know what that means - it's time for three straight nights of me blogging my way through Europop, onstage costume changes (PLEASE let there be more than last year), and excessive use of wind machines. HURRAH.
Eurovision 2013 is coming to you from Malmo, Sweden. I'm kind of excited that they're starting with a "Lots of different countries cover last year's winning song", because that song is STILL near the top of my most commonly played songs in iTunes. Not sure about the children's choir singing it though...
Anyway. Let's get on with the show!! (All images taken from the country pages here.) If you didn't watch it, you can see all the songs here.
Austria - Natalia Kelly
Oh dear God, shiny silver jeans. They look really uncomfortable. Also, she looks terrifyingly like Melina Kanakaredes. The song is kind of blah. She's a good singer, it's just not a particularly memorable song. KEY CHANGE. Of course it coincided with a seizure-inducing lighting display. Aaaaaand some use of the wind machine to finish. Obviously.
Estonia - Birgit
I have no idea what this song is about, because it's in Estonian. But it's a ballad, so probably something sappy. Also, she's wearing an ENORMOUS white dress that makes her look like one of those cakes with a doll shoved in the top of it. And excessive use of the wind machine. Because it's practically obligatory. SMOKE MACHINE!!! And back up singers in snazzy three piece suits.
Slovenia - Hannah
Okay, apparently she's American but now lives in Slovenia. YES, CRAY CRAY DANCERS WEARING FACE MASKS. And leather pants, because you can't have one without the other. I'm actually kind of loving this song, despite its overpowering techno beat. The back up dancers are now doing weird push ups and squats. It's Gangnam Style combined with an aerobics class. Oooh, added acrobatics. Nice. It kind of makes Hannah fade into the background though.
Croatia - Klapa s mora
The Croatian version of Il Divo in the house! Singing a ballad, because OBVS. Their costumes are pretty awesome though - kind of like Napoleonic era naval uniforms, but with longer coats. The song is about what you'd expect from the Croatian version of Il Divo, although it seems pretty repetitive.
Denmark - Emmeline de Forest
Apparently this is the favourite. We're starting with a Ronan Keating lookalike playing the fife. And we have another Pretty White Virginal Dress. And bare feet. I guess it worked for Loreen last year? Oooh, and we're continuing the Napoleonic theme as Ronan and another guy are now playing the side drum. Emmeline herself looks kind of like a less ginger version of Isla Fisher. The song's pretty catchy, I can see why it's the favourite. And now we're alternating between the side drums and something resembling a timpani, but on its side?? AAAAAAAAAAAND IT'S RAINING FIRE. WELCOME TO EUROVISION.
Russia - Dina Garipova
I'm kind of sad that last year's grannies aren't performing again. Instead, we have the Russian winner of The Voice. Another ballad? What the hell, Eurovision? Bring back the cheesy Europop, dammit! She looks a little like she's wearing a dressing gown. That said, she's got a pretty good voice. And back up singers in all white, because OF COURSE. She looks bizarrely like Khloe Kardashian, though. Oh. Her male back up singers just threw huge glowing balls into the audience. Uhhhhhhh????
Ukraine - Zlata Ognevich
First of all, the butterfly in her hair in that picture is bizarre. ANOTHER ballad? Uuuuuuuuuuuugh. Also a man who's eight feet tall (literally) and dressed like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. WHAT. Her back up singers just appeared out of the floor, Hunger Games style. EXCESSIVE SMOKE MACHINE USAGE. At least they've pushed things up a notch by giving the ballad a decent beat? Yet another Pretty White Virginal Dress. Which is apparently so tight that the only movement she can make is to move her hips from side to side... Aaaand FIREWORKS to finish.
The Netherlands - Anouk
Apparently this girl is the Alanis Morrisette of the Netherlands. And now she's singing a ballad. Either she's REALLY pitchy or this song has insanely wacky key changes every two bars. I genuinely can't tell. And it's either the wind machine or the weight of all the mascara she's wearing, but she can barely keep her eyes open. Hmm. I'm not sure how I feel about this song. Too many ballads back to back has drained my spirit.
Montenegro - Who See
I...have no idea what is happening here. There are rapping astronauts, overuse of the smoke machine, and some kind of compressed air shots?? And seizure inducing strobe lights,. And a girl singing the chorus who looks like a robot version of Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. I can't even. Still, at least it's not a ballad?
Lithuania - Andrius Pojavis
Another ballad, but this time with a rock beat and a leather jacket. That's progress, I guess?? He's doing a lot of singing with his eyebrows, which is kind of hilarious. I want to like it, but it's kind of like average karaoke. GRATUITOUS ABS SHOT!! I don't even know what to make of the song because he's singing about being in love with someone, but then talks about his shoes. It's kind of like the first year they were allowed to sing in another language again, and they all ran their songs through Babelfish at the last minute and none of the translations made sense...
Belarus - Alyona Lanskaya
She just appeared out of a giant disco ball in a tiny fringed dress and HELLO EUROVISION. Her back up dancers are wearing all white or crazy fringed dresses and there are fireworks and smoke machine effects, and she seems like she's a quarter tone flat, and seriously, you guys. THIS is what Eurovision is all about. KEY CHAAAAAAAAAANGE. And FIRE BALLS. Sorry I'm so capsy, but there've been so many ballads tonight that it's a welcome change of awfulness. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Moldova - Aliona Moon
Back to the ballads again. This time with piano accompaniment and a glowing dress a la Carrie Underwood at the Grammys. Her hair is rather more insane though. She has the obligatory male back up dancer in all white AND the obligatory stage full of smoke machine effects. Um. She now appears to be lifting up into the air on some kind of pedastal that's hidden under her dress, which is crazy long, so she now looks like she's three metres tall. WEIRD. How the hell is she going to get down from there?!
Ireland - Ryan Dolan
I have to say, I'm kind of sad by the lack of Jedward this year. That said, three years in a row of Jedward would probably have been a little excessive... He DOES have back up dancers playing the bodhran in tight silver trousers though, so.........there's that?? He should probably also considering not plucking his eyebrows QUITE so much, because they're scaring me. It's upbeat, but kind of forgettable. Aaaaaand an explosion of sparks at the end.
Cyprus - Despina Olympiou
She appears to be wearing lingerie, which is a little awkward. Aaaaaand it's yet ANOTHER ballad because apparently Eurovision hates me this year. It's all very minimalist which, when it comes to Eurovision, is code for "totally forgettable". Sorry, Cyprus. You do not get douze pointes from me, regardless of how many key changes you add in. There was also a weird close up of her hand at the end. What.
Belgium - Roberto Bellarossa
Another one who's doing a lot of singing with his eyebrows. Why do you do this, people?? It's weird. His back up dancers appear to be feeling him up, which is a little awkward because he looks to be about twelve. He has his lyrics on a screen behind him, which is thoughtful because it's hard to hear him over the backing beat and the fact that I can't focus on anything but his insane eyebrows.
Serbia - Moje 3
I...have no idea what these girls are wearing (possibly cupcake wrappers??), but they have awesome 1940s hairdos, so they get bonus points for that! And I kind of want their awesomely coloured patent shoes. The song is typical Europop, which is an awesome change from the four million ballads we've sat through tonight. But it's not great.
Aaaaaaaand that's it for the performances for semi-final 1. Who's through to the finals? Let's find out!!
1. Moldova
2. Lithuania
3. Ireland
4. Estonia
5. Belarus
6. Denmark
7. Russia
8. Belgium
9. Ukraine
10. The Netherlands
Did you watch it? Were you pleased with the results? Or were you, like me, disappointed by the TOTAL LACK OF ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGES?????
See you tomorrow night for semi-final 2!!
K xx
And you know what that means - it's time for three straight nights of me blogging my way through Europop, onstage costume changes (PLEASE let there be more than last year), and excessive use of wind machines. HURRAH.
Eurovision 2013 is coming to you from Malmo, Sweden. I'm kind of excited that they're starting with a "Lots of different countries cover last year's winning song", because that song is STILL near the top of my most commonly played songs in iTunes. Not sure about the children's choir singing it though...
Anyway. Let's get on with the show!! (All images taken from the country pages here.) If you didn't watch it, you can see all the songs here.
Austria - Natalia Kelly
 |
Estonia - Birgit
 |
Slovenia - Hannah
 |
Croatia - Klapa s mora
 |
Denmark - Emmeline de Forest
 |
Russia - Dina Garipova
 |
Ukraine - Zlata Ognevich
 |
The Netherlands - Anouk
 |
Montenegro - Who See
 |
Lithuania - Andrius Pojavis
 |
Belarus - Alyona Lanskaya
 |
Moldova - Aliona Moon
 |
Ireland - Ryan Dolan
 |
Cyprus - Despina Olympiou
 |
Belgium - Roberto Bellarossa
 |
Serbia - Moje 3
 |
Aaaaaaaand that's it for the performances for semi-final 1. Who's through to the finals? Let's find out!!
1. Moldova
2. Lithuania
3. Ireland
4. Estonia
5. Belarus
6. Denmark
7. Russia
8. Belgium
9. Ukraine
10. The Netherlands
Did you watch it? Were you pleased with the results? Or were you, like me, disappointed by the TOTAL LACK OF ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGES?????
See you tomorrow night for semi-final 2!!
K xx
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
In which people are weird
So I've been wanting to talk about some of the seriously bizarre Google searches that have led to my blog for a while now. But I was slightly concerned that putting them all in a post would lead to a whole stack MORE people finding my blog through seriously bizarre searches. So I figured I'd vlog about it.
So of course, I recorded the vlog one afternoon, and the very next day, the internet went "Oh, hai. You have a vlog to upload? Try this suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper slow dial up speed internet for the next three weeks. Lol, sucks to be you!", and it's been languishing on my hard drive ever since.
But the internet is now back, and I've FINALLY been able to upload it!
So here we have me making a fool of myself on camera once again. And as always, I'd like to thank Youtube for picking the most spectacularly flattering screenshot of EVER to use as the cover for this. I have a major case of duckface going on...
K xx
So of course, I recorded the vlog one afternoon, and the very next day, the internet went "Oh, hai. You have a vlog to upload? Try this suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper slow dial up speed internet for the next three weeks. Lol, sucks to be you!", and it's been languishing on my hard drive ever since.
But the internet is now back, and I've FINALLY been able to upload it!
So here we have me making a fool of myself on camera once again. And as always, I'd like to thank Youtube for picking the most spectacularly flattering screenshot of EVER to use as the cover for this. I have a major case of duckface going on...
So yes. What's your favourite insane search term that's led people to your little corner of the interwebs???
K xx
Sunday, May 27, 2012
The most wonderful time of the year, part 3
It's finals night, kids!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! (Although also a small dose of SAD FACE, because it means Eurovision will be over until next year...)
If you missed the semi-finals, you can check out my posts here and here. You can see all the acts on Youtube here, and all pictures are sourced from the individual country pages here.
Ooooh, Azerbaijan is starting the night with fireworks on the harbour - awesome!!! Looks pretty spectacular. And very Eurovision. My God. There is some insane interpretive dancing in light up costumes going on right now. Have to love the home country's opening acts! And now there are a bunch of women in very pretty blue dresses doing some traditional Azerbaijani dancing. Oh man. Now there are guys wearing light up vest playing light up drums. But of course! FLAMES. Now there's some kind of Azerbaijani Riverdance. And a big dose of crazy eyes from the guy out in front. Wowsers. WATERFALL OF FIRE!! Wheeeeee!!!
Awwww, and now last year's winners are back to perform the song that brought Eurovision to Baku. As the announcers have been saying all weekend, he's the Azerbaijani version of Charlie Pickering. All the hosts are wearing head to toe white outfits. EXCELLENT. What else would you expect from Eurovision, where you take a drink for every white suit?!
And now, on with the performances! I'll do proper stuff for the Big Five and Azerbaijan, and a couple of lines for the rest, as they've already performed in the semis.
United Kingdom - Englebert Humperdinck
Dammit, now I want to watch Princess Bride. Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdiiiiiinck!! Ahem. This performance is kind of like going to see someone in Vegas - they're past their prime and trying to recapture their fame, and it's all just a little bit sad. Aaand now they've grabbed a couple from So You Think You Can Dance and chucked them into the background doing a Latin dance. Ooooh, waterfall of fireworks. And catherine wheels! Waaaaaaay too much vibrato on the final note. Sorry, Humperdinck. You did a decent job, but I'm not sold.
Hungary - Compact Disco
They still sound like a group that would perform at the Bronze in Buffy. I don't remember his jacket having one gold lapel the other night... A solid performance.
Albania - Rona Nishliu
That's still a lot of hair. And she still reminds me of the women from The Fifth Element. She's got a pretty incredible set of pipes though. Shame it looks like she glued an intestine to her chest...
Lithuania - Donny Montell
That stupid blindfold is still annoying me. but it's the closest to an on-stage costume change we're going to get. SAD FACE. Wait. What are all the stripper images on the background screens?? Did NOT see those last night!
Bosnia & Herzegovina - Maya Sar
Oh, honey. At least TRY and look happy? I know your song is moody and deep, but seriously. Hahaha, she had her eyes closed when the wind machine came on, and it made it look like she wasn't expecting it.
Russia - Buranovskiye Babushki
The Grannies!!! They seem more relaxed than they were in the semi-final. They're still completely adorable. I hope this song is number 1 all over Russia. I'm actually singing along now. That's how great it is.
Iceland - Greta
The guy is still crazy intense and creeps me out a little. She's still very smiley. The more I hear this song, the more it reminds me of Evanescence...
Cyprus - Ivi Adamou
Huh. The outfits look less bridesmaidy than they did the other night. Shorter skirts, maybe?? Ivi looks like she's having a blast. I still see myself making this a total guilty pleasure song. I kind of love it.
France - Anggun
Holy crap, that was quite the set of abs in the background. Accompanied by white leggings. There are a stack of these blokes. They're doing acrobatics. EXCELLENT. I'm not quite sure what Anggun is wearing. Like an armour corset with a mesh floor length skirt?? Aaaaand now the hot guys are carrying her around the stage. WAIT. ARE BITS OF THIS SONG IN ENGLISH??????? THIS NEVER HAPPENS. EVER. Wow. Acrobatic breakdancing. And now the wind machine has stolen her skirt and is blowing it up in the air. Interesting...
Italy - Nina Zilli
Ooh, Big Five performances back to back! Interesting... Starting off with a saxophone. How very 80s. She's kind of an Italian Amy Winehouse, but less drugged out (too soon?). Hell, she even SOUNDS like Amy Winehouse! The song's kind of catchy. One of her back up singers looks like Lister from Red Dwarf. And her dance moves make it look like she needs to pee. Awkward... She was pretty good, I have to say!
Estonia - Oot Lepland
YES!! He did the eyebrow lift with his eyes closed again. I kind of love you, Oot. He's got a pretty great voice. It's not surprising he won Estonian Idol, really! He looks like he's having far more fun than the other night. Definitely a good performance.
Norway - Tooji
Zoolander meets Jacob Black. I may be chair dancing again. I'm not sorry. They're still good. The crowd loves it. I'm not surprised by any of this.
Azerbaijan - Sabina Babayeva
The host country are up! Let's see what they've got. A girl dressed like an angel. Okay then. The fog machine is working overtime again. I think Sabina's channelling Celine Dion. Her back up singers are using their skirts as props. I'm actually finding the male back up singer really irritating. He's overwhelming her AND looks like he's sitting on the floor in a straight jacket. I'm sure he's NOT, it just looks that way. The crowd goes crazy, but...eh.
Romania - Mandinga
Aaaah, playing the plastic bagpipes while moonwalking. We all do it. Right?! If anyone in this show were to have a wardrobe malfunction, I think it would be this girl. Ooh, the accordion flashes. That's a bit random.
Denmark - Soluna Somay
I still like this. But on a second run through, it sounds like something that would fit VERY nicely on the soundtrack of Dawson's Creek... The double bass player is wearing a singlet top under her corset. Apparently she realised she was in danger of slipping a nip on stage the other night!
Greece - Eleftheria Eleftheriou
Uh. Was her male back up dancer doing the worm on the ground the other night?? I'm sure I'd remember that. There are a LOT of pelvic thrusts in this song. I guess it's appropriate for a song called Aphrodisiac...
Sweden - Loreen
Strobe lights are go! The crowd's going wild for the favourite. She's certainly making the most of the lighting crew. I like this better tonight than I did last night. Although I still don't understand why it's snowing... SLOW MO FINISH!!
Turkey - Can Bonomo
Yay, the weird vampire chain-gang sailors! Lots of eye liner. It's still weird. I can't stop paying attention to the crazy back up dancers for long enough to listen to what the singer is saying...
Spain - Pastora Soler
Another Big Five entry. She's wearing white - it's the Eurovision way. It appears to be a toga and a lot of illusion netting. The Fug Girls would probably cut it off at midthigh and add ice skates. The background screen is raining. Ahaha, she's wearing body glitter. How 1999! She's got a pretty spectacular voice though. WIND MACHINE and a back lit white dress. At least she's not 16? Holy crap, that's a long note.
Germany - Roman Lob
The last of the Big Five. Awwww, he's adorable. I quite like this. Not a winning entry by a long shot, but something that you probably wouldn't turn off if it came on the radio. Although it seems a little bit low for him. Like he's struggling slightly with the lower notes? I'd probably vote for him just because he's cute though. Huh. Apparently it was cowritten by Jamie Cullum, which explains why it sounds radio ready!
Malta - Kurt Calleja
Oh, Kurt. You and your one glove. Put this up an octave and Kurt from Glee could take over quite nicely. And do a better job, I suspect... "This is the night for Malta!!" Oh Kurt. I think not.
F.Y.R. Macedonia - Kaliopi
She still looks like a Kardashian. She's still got an amazing voice. I think I like it better than I did in the semi-final. Maybe she's nailing the rock/ballad combo better? And she could still shatter glass with that scream.
Ireland - JEDWARD!!!
They're quite spectacularly terrible, but I kind of adore them. I think it's that they can't QUITE get their dance moves in sync. Also, I keep ending up with this song stuck in my head. It's like the new rickrolling. Ahahaha, awkward twin high fives. EXCELLENT.
Serbia - Zeljko Joksimovic
Oh hey. It's the world's most serious violinists. I remember this guy's instrumentalists more than him and his song. I'd say that's a bad sign...
Ukraine - Gaitana
Wow, her trumpet player is really struggling tonight... She appears to be nailing it though. Drag queens around the world are already planning their outfits to replicate this one. Hey, Gaitana? Sack your trumpeter. I have no idea what's going on. But he is TERRRRRRRRIBLE.
Moldova - Pasha Parfeny
Oh hey! It's Moldovan blacksmith Colin Farrell trying to pick up at a wedding! I don't remember his back up dancers showing that much of their knickers in the semi... Seriously. I don't not remember half of these ridiculous dance moves. It's kind of great.
Well. That's the end of the performances! Oh thank God. The hosts have changed out of their blinding white outfits. Aaaand it's raining confetti in the Crystal Hall. Half time act. Let's see what they've got. Oh good grief. The President of Azerbaijan's son-in-law. This promises to be terrible. Sweet mother of God, that's a lot of violins. And flaming torches. Storming Dracula's castle, perhaps?? Thor appears to be manning the drumkit. The President's son-in-law is being lowered down from the ceiling. He's kind of cute for a guy who needs a leg up from his father-in-law. Well. That was...interesting.
On to the voting! Hurrah, awkward satellite linkups from all over Europe. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm not going to go through the individual results because we've be here FOREVER. So let's cut straight to the good stuff.
The winner is...*drum roll*...SWEDEN!!! By a landslide. And the runner up is the Grannies from Russia - HURRAH!
What did you guys think of the final? Who would you have voted for, given the chance??
See you all next year for Eurovision 2013 in Stockholm. Or, you know, tomorrow for Movie Monday...
K xx
If you missed the semi-finals, you can check out my posts here and here. You can see all the acts on Youtube here, and all pictures are sourced from the individual country pages here.
Ooooh, Azerbaijan is starting the night with fireworks on the harbour - awesome!!! Looks pretty spectacular. And very Eurovision. My God. There is some insane interpretive dancing in light up costumes going on right now. Have to love the home country's opening acts! And now there are a bunch of women in very pretty blue dresses doing some traditional Azerbaijani dancing. Oh man. Now there are guys wearing light up vest playing light up drums. But of course! FLAMES. Now there's some kind of Azerbaijani Riverdance. And a big dose of crazy eyes from the guy out in front. Wowsers. WATERFALL OF FIRE!! Wheeeeee!!!
Awwww, and now last year's winners are back to perform the song that brought Eurovision to Baku. As the announcers have been saying all weekend, he's the Azerbaijani version of Charlie Pickering. All the hosts are wearing head to toe white outfits. EXCELLENT. What else would you expect from Eurovision, where you take a drink for every white suit?!
And now, on with the performances! I'll do proper stuff for the Big Five and Azerbaijan, and a couple of lines for the rest, as they've already performed in the semis.
United Kingdom - Englebert Humperdinck
Dammit, now I want to watch Princess Bride. Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdiiiiiinck!! Ahem. This performance is kind of like going to see someone in Vegas - they're past their prime and trying to recapture their fame, and it's all just a little bit sad. Aaand now they've grabbed a couple from So You Think You Can Dance and chucked them into the background doing a Latin dance. Ooooh, waterfall of fireworks. And catherine wheels! Waaaaaaay too much vibrato on the final note. Sorry, Humperdinck. You did a decent job, but I'm not sold.
Hungary - Compact Disco
They still sound like a group that would perform at the Bronze in Buffy. I don't remember his jacket having one gold lapel the other night... A solid performance.
Albania - Rona Nishliu
That's still a lot of hair. And she still reminds me of the women from The Fifth Element. She's got a pretty incredible set of pipes though. Shame it looks like she glued an intestine to her chest...
Lithuania - Donny Montell
That stupid blindfold is still annoying me. but it's the closest to an on-stage costume change we're going to get. SAD FACE. Wait. What are all the stripper images on the background screens?? Did NOT see those last night!
Bosnia & Herzegovina - Maya Sar
Oh, honey. At least TRY and look happy? I know your song is moody and deep, but seriously. Hahaha, she had her eyes closed when the wind machine came on, and it made it look like she wasn't expecting it.
Russia - Buranovskiye Babushki
The Grannies!!! They seem more relaxed than they were in the semi-final. They're still completely adorable. I hope this song is number 1 all over Russia. I'm actually singing along now. That's how great it is.
Iceland - Greta
The guy is still crazy intense and creeps me out a little. She's still very smiley. The more I hear this song, the more it reminds me of Evanescence...
Cyprus - Ivi Adamou
Huh. The outfits look less bridesmaidy than they did the other night. Shorter skirts, maybe?? Ivi looks like she's having a blast. I still see myself making this a total guilty pleasure song. I kind of love it.
France - Anggun
Holy crap, that was quite the set of abs in the background. Accompanied by white leggings. There are a stack of these blokes. They're doing acrobatics. EXCELLENT. I'm not quite sure what Anggun is wearing. Like an armour corset with a mesh floor length skirt?? Aaaaand now the hot guys are carrying her around the stage. WAIT. ARE BITS OF THIS SONG IN ENGLISH??????? THIS NEVER HAPPENS. EVER. Wow. Acrobatic breakdancing. And now the wind machine has stolen her skirt and is blowing it up in the air. Interesting...
Italy - Nina Zilli
Ooh, Big Five performances back to back! Interesting... Starting off with a saxophone. How very 80s. She's kind of an Italian Amy Winehouse, but less drugged out (too soon?). Hell, she even SOUNDS like Amy Winehouse! The song's kind of catchy. One of her back up singers looks like Lister from Red Dwarf. And her dance moves make it look like she needs to pee. Awkward... She was pretty good, I have to say!
Estonia - Oot Lepland
YES!! He did the eyebrow lift with his eyes closed again. I kind of love you, Oot. He's got a pretty great voice. It's not surprising he won Estonian Idol, really! He looks like he's having far more fun than the other night. Definitely a good performance.
Norway - Tooji
Zoolander meets Jacob Black. I may be chair dancing again. I'm not sorry. They're still good. The crowd loves it. I'm not surprised by any of this.
Azerbaijan - Sabina Babayeva
The host country are up! Let's see what they've got. A girl dressed like an angel. Okay then. The fog machine is working overtime again. I think Sabina's channelling Celine Dion. Her back up singers are using their skirts as props. I'm actually finding the male back up singer really irritating. He's overwhelming her AND looks like he's sitting on the floor in a straight jacket. I'm sure he's NOT, it just looks that way. The crowd goes crazy, but...eh.
Romania - Mandinga
Aaaah, playing the plastic bagpipes while moonwalking. We all do it. Right?! If anyone in this show were to have a wardrobe malfunction, I think it would be this girl. Ooh, the accordion flashes. That's a bit random.
Denmark - Soluna Somay
I still like this. But on a second run through, it sounds like something that would fit VERY nicely on the soundtrack of Dawson's Creek... The double bass player is wearing a singlet top under her corset. Apparently she realised she was in danger of slipping a nip on stage the other night!
Greece - Eleftheria Eleftheriou
Uh. Was her male back up dancer doing the worm on the ground the other night?? I'm sure I'd remember that. There are a LOT of pelvic thrusts in this song. I guess it's appropriate for a song called Aphrodisiac...
Sweden - Loreen
Strobe lights are go! The crowd's going wild for the favourite. She's certainly making the most of the lighting crew. I like this better tonight than I did last night. Although I still don't understand why it's snowing... SLOW MO FINISH!!
Turkey - Can Bonomo
Yay, the weird vampire chain-gang sailors! Lots of eye liner. It's still weird. I can't stop paying attention to the crazy back up dancers for long enough to listen to what the singer is saying...
Spain - Pastora Soler
Another Big Five entry. She's wearing white - it's the Eurovision way. It appears to be a toga and a lot of illusion netting. The Fug Girls would probably cut it off at midthigh and add ice skates. The background screen is raining. Ahaha, she's wearing body glitter. How 1999! She's got a pretty spectacular voice though. WIND MACHINE and a back lit white dress. At least she's not 16? Holy crap, that's a long note.
Germany - Roman Lob
The last of the Big Five. Awwww, he's adorable. I quite like this. Not a winning entry by a long shot, but something that you probably wouldn't turn off if it came on the radio. Although it seems a little bit low for him. Like he's struggling slightly with the lower notes? I'd probably vote for him just because he's cute though. Huh. Apparently it was cowritten by Jamie Cullum, which explains why it sounds radio ready!
Malta - Kurt Calleja
Oh, Kurt. You and your one glove. Put this up an octave and Kurt from Glee could take over quite nicely. And do a better job, I suspect... "This is the night for Malta!!" Oh Kurt. I think not.
F.Y.R. Macedonia - Kaliopi
She still looks like a Kardashian. She's still got an amazing voice. I think I like it better than I did in the semi-final. Maybe she's nailing the rock/ballad combo better? And she could still shatter glass with that scream.
Ireland - JEDWARD!!!
They're quite spectacularly terrible, but I kind of adore them. I think it's that they can't QUITE get their dance moves in sync. Also, I keep ending up with this song stuck in my head. It's like the new rickrolling. Ahahaha, awkward twin high fives. EXCELLENT.
Serbia - Zeljko Joksimovic
Oh hey. It's the world's most serious violinists. I remember this guy's instrumentalists more than him and his song. I'd say that's a bad sign...
Ukraine - Gaitana
Wow, her trumpet player is really struggling tonight... She appears to be nailing it though. Drag queens around the world are already planning their outfits to replicate this one. Hey, Gaitana? Sack your trumpeter. I have no idea what's going on. But he is TERRRRRRRRIBLE.
Moldova - Pasha Parfeny
Oh hey! It's Moldovan blacksmith Colin Farrell trying to pick up at a wedding! I don't remember his back up dancers showing that much of their knickers in the semi... Seriously. I don't not remember half of these ridiculous dance moves. It's kind of great.
Well. That's the end of the performances! Oh thank God. The hosts have changed out of their blinding white outfits. Aaaand it's raining confetti in the Crystal Hall. Half time act. Let's see what they've got. Oh good grief. The President of Azerbaijan's son-in-law. This promises to be terrible. Sweet mother of God, that's a lot of violins. And flaming torches. Storming Dracula's castle, perhaps?? Thor appears to be manning the drumkit. The President's son-in-law is being lowered down from the ceiling. He's kind of cute for a guy who needs a leg up from his father-in-law. Well. That was...interesting.
On to the voting! Hurrah, awkward satellite linkups from all over Europe. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm not going to go through the individual results because we've be here FOREVER. So let's cut straight to the good stuff.
The winner is...*drum roll*...SWEDEN!!! By a landslide. And the runner up is the Grannies from Russia - HURRAH!
What did you guys think of the final? Who would you have voted for, given the chance??
See you all next year for Eurovision 2013 in Stockholm. Or, you know, tomorrow for Movie Monday...
K xx
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