TTT - Top Ten TV Shows

It's time to link up with the Broke and the Bookish again!

This week, just for something different, we're not talking about books at all. We're talking about our favourite movies or TV shows. And let's be honest - TV shows are far more fun to talk about because you don't have to pick something else to watch after two hours. You just move on to the next disc/season/whatever. WIN. 

1. Orange Is The New Black

A recent addition to my list. I've been hearing great things about it for the past couple of years, but never got around to watching it. I think I was hoping that it would air down here and save me the trouble of locating it, seeing as Netflix isn't a thing in Australia. But unfortunately it's only screening on Foxtel at this point, which I don't have. So I caved and tracked down a copy instead. And it is PHENOMENAL. Every single character is utterly incredible (except Larry, who's a douchebag), it's brilliantly written and brilliantly acted, and it's equal parts hilarious and moving. Not to mention being one of the most diverse shows on television. Basically? You should watch it.

2. Orphan Black

Same actress three times, yo.

Look, Tatiana Maslany is a freaking powerhouse, okay? She plays half a dozen completely unique characters, all with their own speech patterns and mannerisms and styles of movement. And sometimes, she even plays one of her characters impersonating another and you're able to tell that it's Rachel impersonating Sarah or Sarah impersonating Alison or Helena impersonating Sarah impersonating Beth. It's incredible. Plus, you know, great stories, great supporting cast, great writing. 

3. Veronica Mars

I wasn't so keen on the third season of VMars, partly because it ended on such a vague note, but the movie earlier this year made me fall in love with the show all over again. It's funny and sassy and heartbreaking and just really, really good. And yes, I ship LoVe like there's no tomorrow. 

4. Sleepy Hollow

Admittedly, there's only been one really short season of this so far. But I absolutely loved every second of it. I mean, the fact that basically only ONE of the half dozen major characters is a white guy is pretty incredible. It's fun and creepy and the acting is great. And there's so much attention to detail with historical accuracy - the way Ichabod stands, how he fights, what he wears, his terms of address is all historically accurate and it makes my inner historian so very happy. Plus, Orlando Jones is AMAZING at interacting with the fandom. 

5. Firefly

Yeah, yeah. I said recently that I was breaking up with Joss Whedon. Despite his problematic aspects, Whedon's shows are still massively entertaining. And Firefly, by merit of only having just over half a season worth of episodes, exists in its own little special bubble wherein Whedon didn't get too much time to do things that made me stabby. While it was a massive flop on TV thanks to Fox showing it totally out of order, it's now achieved cult status, and with good reason.

6. Fringe

I was a big fan of The X-Files back in my high school days, and this fabulous show fitted neatly into that hole. And it's an ideal show for marathoning - I really struggled to watch it on TV because there were so many wibbly wobbly timey wimey elements to keep track of from week to week, but when you marathon it, everything suddenly slips into place. The characters are amazing, there's more of that Tatiana Maslany playing-multiple-versions-of-the-one-character stuff going on for most of the cast, and it's surprisingly funny and moving for a show about supernatural weirdness and fringe science. 

7. Elementary

I've talked before about how I really didn't enjoy Sherlock and how I loved Elementary from the get-go, so it's probably no surprise that it's made this list. Despite it airing on TV here, I've been a bit forgetful of late and still haven't finished watching all of season 2. But Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu (and the supporting cast) are so fantastic that I couldn't not include it in my top ten. Plus, the credits are fabulous.

8. Community

Yes, it wavered during its fourth season when Dan Harmon wasn't involved. But this show is just so much fun. Amazing characters, hilarious scripts, and far more feels-tastic moments than you'd expect from a comedy. And so many completely amazing themed episodes. 

9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy and I have had a rough road recently, due largely to recapping every episode for Snark Squad and the crap that we dealt with in the comments. But I'm pretty sure that sometime in the relatively near future, I'll start to feel the urge to revisit some of my favourite episodes again. Because it's so much fun and there are so many incredible characters and storylines.

10. Doctor Who

This is at the bottom of the list because while I love it a lot, I've had a lot of issues with the way Steven Moffat's been running/writing the show over the past few years. There've only been a handful of episodes that I've enjoyed since David Tennant left, but I'm hopeful that Peter Capaldi and his ability to throw his weight around a bit more than Matt Smith could will help in the new season! 

So. What are your top ten TV shows??

K xx

Breaking up

If you've been around these parts for a while, you'd know that I have something of an obsession with all things Joss Whedon (except Dollhouse. Never Dollhouse...). BUT.

(And this is a big but. Not to be confused with MY big butt)

As a result of spending the past TWO YEARS blogging about Buffy and Angel over on Snark Squad, I'm a little bit exhausted thanks to all the crap that tends to accompany Whedon's shows. So Whedon and I? We're breaking up for a little while. At least until The Avengers: Age of Ultron comes out next year.

Here's why:


K xx

Movie Monday: Serenity

I honestly can't believe it's taken me this long to cover today's installment. Because it's pretty damned fabulous. Not *quite* as fabulous as the TV series that started it all, but a better ending to things than Fox gave us, that's for sure!!

Reasons why Serenity is awesome:
1. The opening scene with River.
2. Nathan Fillion. Oh captain, my captain.
3. The scene where Mal's talking to Inara on the wave, and the rest of the crew are busy shipping them.

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4. Alan Tudyk. Excuse me while I cry all the ugly cries.
5. The conversation between Mal and Wash after the primary buffer panel falls off the ship.
6. Simon and Kaylee. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
7. Gina Torres.
8. River fighting reavers. Holy hell, the choreography in this scene is incredible.

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9. Morena Baccarin.
10. The soundtrack. Dear God, the soundtrack.
11. Summer Glau. She. Is. FABULOUS.
12. That during Mal's conversation with Inara on the wave, you can see a bunch of scars, all of which were incurred during the series.
13. Jewel Staite.

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14. Badass Inara during the fight at the training house.
15. Sean Maher.
16. The aerial battle between the reavers and the Alliance.
17. Adam Baldwin. Especially his attachment to grenades.

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18. The scene between Simon and River after he gets shot. ALL THE UGLY CRYING.
19. Ron Glass. More ugly crying.
20. Mal fighting the Operative above the engine room.
21. Sarah Paulson. She may only be in one scene, but what a brilliant and terrifying scene.

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22. It's Joss Whedon.
23. The cinematography is pretty freaking gorgeous.
24. Chiwetel Ejiofor. Goodness, he's fabulous.
25. River as co-pilot at the end.
26. That typical Whedon "Haha, you thought it was all over but I'm about to kill your favourite character with no warning!" moment. Sigh.

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Plus, the following quotes:
- "I aim to misbehave."
- "I'm a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar."
- "I don't care what you believe, just believe in it."
- "You take care of me, Simon. You've always taken care of me. My turn."
- "Where are you hiding, little girl?"
- "We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!"
- "No grenades."
- "Everything's shiny, Cap'n. Not to fret."
- "She's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true."
- "Bullet in the brain pan, squish."
- "What was that?" "Did you see that?" "Was that the primary buffer panel?" "It did seem to resemble..." "Did the primary buffer panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?" "Looks like." "I thought Kaylee checked the entry couplings. I've a very clear recollection of it." "Well, if she doesn't get us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting." "Define "interesting."" "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die?" "This is the captain. We're having a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then...explode."
- "Do you know what your sin is, Mal?" "Aw, hell. I'm a fan of all seven."
- "I swallowed a bug."
- "In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you." "With me? You mean to say...as...sex?" "I mean to say." "Hell with this. I'm gonna live!"
- "You wanna run this ship?" "Yes!" "Well...you can't."
- "Don't pay anybody in advance. And don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine, they fall right out of the sky."
- "Shiny. Let's be bad guys."
- "Dear Buddha, please bring me a plastic rocket and a pony and..."
- "Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed."
- "You do that, you'd best make peace with your dear and fluffy Lord."
- "At last. We can retire and give up this life of crime..."
- "Can't stop the signal, Mal."
- "Ain't logical. Cuttin' on his own face, rapin' and murdering - Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight... Or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman, or if I'm gettin' paid - mostly only when I'm gettin' paid. But these Reavers... last ten years they show up like the bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where's that get fun?"
- "Ready to get off this heap, back to civilised life?" "I, uh... I don't know." "Good answer."
- "So...trap?" "Trap." "We goin' in?" "Ain't but a few hours out." "Yeah, but...remember the part where it's a trap?"

So. Thoughts?

K xx

Do you hear the bloggers sing?

Previously: it took me 16 hours of flying in middle seats to get from Orlando to Phoenix, and it was the uber-suck. On the plus side, Gina was there to meet me at the end of it.

My first day in Phoenix was a pretty quiet one, on account of having spent sixteen hours in planes/at airports the previous day. Instead, Gina and I hung out on the sofa watching the Food Network while her kids played and said hilarious things and were generally adorable. Gina introduced me to the wonders of Sandra Lee, and we both snorted with laughter at the facial expression of the woman who had to try Sandra's cocktail creation.

Other things that happened:

• I flipped my hair over the back of the sofa and straight into a burning candle. Which kind of defeated the point in Gina lighting the candles in the first place.
• Kid #1 telling jokes: "What do snakes eat for breakfast? MAC AND CHEESE!!" Me: "Well, who WOULDN'T want mac and cheese for breakfast?!"
• I fell in love with Gina's shower. Seriously, you guys. It's the best shower EVER. Made better by the fact that the shower at our hotel in Orlando barely did more than trickle in a pathetic way, even with the hot tap on full.
• Gina: "I kind of want to take you to Outback just because it would be funny".
• We watched the pilot of Firefly, and Gina's husband JD said "What??" a lot. 
• Me: "So I saw an episode of that show, Pawn Stars..." Gina: "WOW. That sounds SO much worse in an Australian accent..."
• Kid #3 wandered in with his blankie and his thumb in his mouth, changed the channel on the TV, hid the remote control, and looked at me all "What you gonna do about it? Huh?" and then ran away.
• I gave Gina a packet of Timtams, and over the course of the day, all three of her kids ran into the room, went "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" and then cried when told they were for grown ups. 
• We watched Paula Dean deep fry chicken and serve it in a giant scone/biscuit/thing with a pasta salad made with tinned mushrooms and a whole bottle of storebought Italian dressing. We both had the same grossed out expression by the end of it. 
• I spent a LOT of time going "Holy crap, this house is enormous". Because seriously. It is. 

The following day, we headed out to the Desert Botanical Gardens, where I promptly discovered that I'd left my wallet behind and had to be all "Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina, can you pay for me to get iiiiiiiiiiiiin??". Pure class, that's me. Once inside the grounds, Kid #2 endeared himself to me forever by dancing around Gangnam Style style while singing the Indiana Jones theme music. Because why the hell not?! 

Anyway, the gardens were really cool and filled with sharp pointy things and educational opportunities. 

Four Seasons themed art - Spring

Summer

Autumn

Winter

After we ran out of cacti to look at, we headed over to the Hole in the Rock for a picnic lunch, a mosey around, and a look at the view. Oh, and on the way there, Kid #2 (who, I should mention, had held my hand about half the way around the Botanic Gardens of his own accord) piped up "Hey Mommy? Next time we go here, can your friend NOT come with us?", which caused me to giggle non-stop for about five minutes. But I digress. THE VIEW:

Once we'd all looked at the view and all three of the kids had looked at me like I was crazy for taking pictures of a plastic velociraptor (Yes. I forgot my wallet, but remembered Clever Girl...), we headed back down to the car and headed over to JD's office to drop the kids off. Because Gina and I had important places to be, yo. 

What important place would that be? A screening of Les Miserables. At 3.30 in the afternoon. With Eileen and M. And it was freaking AMAZING. Why? Because we were the only people in the theatre, so the following things happened:

• We gave each of the songs a letter grade as they happened
• We turned "Do You Hear the People Sing?" into a sing along. The best part is that it happened organically, much like in the film. Eileen started, then Gina joined in, then M and I jumped firmly on the bandwagon of "THIS IS A THING THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN", because obviously. 
• The added-in-so-it-could-be-nominated-for-the-Best-Music-Oscar song started, and I stood up and went "Well, time to pee because this song SUCKS". 
• Crying during Eddie Redmayne's performance of "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" was actively encouraged.
• We established that "Bring Him Home" is awful and should be pitched at least an octave lower than it is. 
• M informed us that she would like to lick Eddie Redmayne's freckles. 
• We gave Aaron Tveit's death scene a round of applause.
• It was quite possibly the greatest thing ever. Internet friends FTW.

And once we'd finished our private, snark-filled screening of Les Mis, we headed over to Outback because Eileen and M thought it would be equally hilarious to take the Australian to Outback. There was a hashtag and everything, because we're cool like that. 

I called bullshit on about 90% of the menu (apparently Alice Springs is known for its quesadillas. WHUT), and then when it came time to order and the waitress couldn't understand my accent, the other three started giggling. Which then progressed to full blown hysterics when I asked for American cheese (only because she listed them so quickly that I couldn't remember the other options). The poor waitress was horribly confused.  

Then I ate my burger with cutlery because it was enormous and I'm a fucking lady well brought up, and Gina lost her shit all over again:

Stolen shamelessly from Gina's blog

Several hours and one shared Chocolate Thunder from Down Under later, the evening came to an end. Albeit with plans to meet up the following night for Mexipalooza. 

Up next, Gina and I get up at stupid o'clock for a very special reason.

K xx

Have you ever noticed all babies look like Winston Churchill?

Yes, it's time for the FINAL installment of "Kirsti rewatches The X-Files and has a lot of thoughts about it", because THIS IS SEASON 9, PEOPLE!!!! I'm going to be honest, I didn't like season 9. There was no Mulder, the cases were kind of lame, the ending was a major anticlimax, and I honestly think it would have been better if they'd gotten rid of Scully altogether and just made it the T-1000 and Monica Show. Because the UST between those two was one of the few things that kept me watching this season.

ANYWAY. On with the ranting.

• There are new credits. My brain can't cope with this. Mulder is gone. My brain can't cope with this either. Wait. WAIT. Is Monica face nomming CARY ELWES????? OH MY GOD, SHE IS. And now Lucy Lawless is in it?????? What ARE you, season 9? Oh, and Scully's baby appears to have telekinesis. OF COURSE. 

CARY ELWES!! Also, source.

• Uh, okay. Lucy Lawless appears to be some kind of mermaid thing. Oh. Or not. She's just a super-soldier who can breathe underwater. Ugh, Jayne is still alive?? I thought they killed him off at the end of last season. SIGH. Scully's baby is apparently a super-soldier too. I sense this being a theme this season. Snore... WHAT THE FUCK. LUCY LAWLESS JUST RIPPED OFF JAYNE'S HEAD WITH HER BARE HANDS AND HIS HEADLESS BODY RIPPED OUT HER HEART. 
• Some guy just shot his own wife thinking she was an intruder. This is why guns are a bad idea, y'all. And now there are snakes coming out of the wife's dead body. Whut. And now there's a woman with a face full of syringes. And it's gross. Oh God. Some guy just projectile vomited all over T-1000. Like, 20 litres of projectile vomit. It was like that scene in Team America, except with an actual person rather than a marionette... And this whole thing was a giant scheme to break the vomiting dude out of prison? I AM CONFUSED.

I'm sorry. I couldn't not show you. Source

• OMG. Some guy just slit Monica's throat. Except...now she seems fine? And now T-1000 has been shot in an alley, even though he's standing in Monica's apartment. I call wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey nonsense. Ooooh, now Monica is being accused of shooting T-1000 because the bullet was from her gun. T-1000 is awake, but can't breathe on his own, and is using Morse code to communicate. Raaaaaaandom. CARY ELWES SAVES THE DAY!!! And now Monica is pulling the life support on T-1000, and he died but that set the timelines right again so now they're both alive and it's like the whole thing never happened. Yay??
• Oh dear. Some kind of Jackass ripoff. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeuw, some guy's head is SUPER squished and there are flies coming out of his eye sockets. And now there's a sleazy entomologist. SUE SYLVESTER IS THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WTF. Sue Sylvester and her teenage son are bug people who can spit spider webs and who like to eat people?? I'm very confused. You know, just for a change...

Ew. Source

• Voiceover from Scully talking to the baby about soulmates while photos of Mulder and Scully over the past nine years play on the screen. She and Mulder are sneakily emailing each other, which is kind of hilarious because their email addresses are queequeg0925@hotmail.com and trust_no1@mail.com.  Oh, Scully. Don't invite a random stranger into your house and then be surprised when that stranger tries to steal your baby... Ahaha, John Locke from Lost is playing a shady NSA agent. With a pedo moustache. Ooh, apparently Mulder's return was predetermined and it's like NOW. Except that not, because John Locke turned up at the train station and started shooting everyone, which meant that the train Mulder was meant to be on didn't stop. Which means that Scully has cry face. Jesus, woman. Just pick him up at the next station... UGH, T-1000 shot John Locke, but now they can't find him and T-1000 thinks he was a super-soldier. Which seems to have been proved correct, because he just got sucked into the wall of a quarry and exploded thanks to his metal skeleton being magnetised to the ore. Gross.
• T-1000 just woke up in Mexico with amnesia to find some dude stealing his shoe. This should be good... He now seems to be working for Mexican people smugglers because they paid for him to get out of a Mexican jail. WHUT. Ahaha, he just dropped a car on some guy's foot, making him shoot himself in the leg. Awesome. Aaaaand his amnesia seems to be caused by a witch doctor. Of course.
• Some guy just had a premonition that he was going to get skinned alive. AND THEN HE WAS. Worst. Premonition. EVER. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. Why is T-1000 in Monica's bedroom at 2am?? Oh. Apparently they're at a motel and he could hear her having a nightmare through the wall. DAMMIT. I thought there were more #secretsexytimes going on. Apparently the people-skinned-alive weirdness dates back to 1868, and people get killed in fours. And Monica was there in her past lives (WTF??) which is how she knows that the murderer is the detective in charge of the case. Yay.

File under "Things you don't want to have a premonition about". Source.

• Hmm. Illegal border crossing to smuggle rubbings of the alien ship from the end of season 6 into the US. And now it appears that there's a spaceship being uncovered in the Middle of Nowhere, Canada. OF COURSE. And now Scully's baby is making a chunk of the spaceship hover. So obviously, her solution is to give the baby to the Lone Gunmen. Which, not surprisingly, led to some woman from the spaceship excavation shooting out the window of their Kombi van and taking the baby from them. 
• Even though this is part 2 of the previous episode, we're now in Desert Storm. Apparently there were super-soldiers in Desert Storm. But of course... Back in Canada, the crazy spaceship excavating guy thinks that a) God is talking to him through the spaceship, and b) Scully's baby is a miracle child. And that they need to kill Mulder to fulfill a prophecy about the baby. OH HAI, HARRY POTTER!! Ahahaha, the baby's crying made the spaceship light up, pull itself out of the ground, and fly away. LOL, WHUT.
• Oooooh, flirty flirtiness going on between Monica and T-1000. Aaaaand then she was in a car crash. Which means she's now having some kind of Meredith Grey "I'm dead and hanging out in a hospital" moment. Mixed with some kind of "In My Time of Dying" thing from Supernatural. Back in the real world, she's brain dead and T-1000 is saaaaaaaaaaad. Turns out her doctor is drugging patients into braindeath so he can harvest their organs. WHUT. T-1000 is crying and asking for help from some random girl at the hospital who can apparently travel to the spirit world or something?? YAY, Monica's aliiiiiiiiiive!! And T-1000 is arresting the creepy doctor. WHEEEEE. 

Sucks to be Monica... Also, source.

• Clearly this is some kind of set-in-the-past opening, because a teenage girl just said "You can't think Milli Vanilli is cool, I will disown you!". And now there are exploding heads. Gross... Apparently it's some kind of flashback to when T-1000 was a patrolman in New York. Oooh, now Scully's accusing T-1000 of planting evidence. Nooooo, Monica. Don't go in the sewers!! Didn't Scully warn you about the fluke monster??? 
• Ahahahahahaha, BURT REYNOLDS. Monica is using numerology to solve a string of murders. Scully's all "LOL, WHUT??". Ahahah, the boss man was all "Monica is awesome because she found a serial killer", and then she started talking about numerology and the power of numbers and everyone gave her "Stay away from the crazy person" looks. Awesome. Now Scully and Monica are locked in a parking garage at midnight playing chequers with Burt Reynolds. WHAT IS THIS EPISODE?!?!?!

WTF. Also, source.

• Hey, Perky Blonde Fangirl Agent is back!!! And she's found an X-File. WIN. Now Scully is autopsying a dead cat on her kitchen table using cooking utensils. GROSS. This is going to be something to do with the creepy kid making monsters come to life. Yup. I was right. Also, this kid is SUPER creepy. 
• Oh God. A Lone Gunmen focused episode? This is The X-Files equivalent of the Ghostfacers episodes in Supernatural. Wait. They killed off all three of the Lone Gunmen with a weird shark virus thing?? WTF. 

Lamest funeral ever. Also, source.

• Awww. Scully is singing "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog" to the baby. Now some super scarred guy has broken into the X-Files office to steal stuff, and he was using Mulder's key card. T-1000 thinks it IS Mulder. Scully's not convinced. But the DNA test says that it is. Now scarred guy is sneaking into the baby's nursery and injecting him with something. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, scarred dude is AGENT SPENDER!!!!! (aka Mulder's half brother and Cigarette Smoking Man's son, if you've forgotten) And he injected the kid with some kind of metal, which means he's no longer part alien. But apparently the aliens will always keep hunting for him. So Scully's giving up the baby for adoption. This should be sad, but mostly I'm relieved. 
• Oh dear. T-1000 and the tinkly pianos of life changing events are in an abandoned building. And now the wall is bleeding. WTF. Scully has a creepy as fuck student at Quantico who has a murder wall thing going on in his bedroom. I foresee him secretly being a serial killer. T-1000 wants creepy serial killer student's help on his son's case. Ahahah, Robert Patrick's wife is playing T-1000's ex-wife. Awesome. Oh dear. Now it turns out that creepy serial killer student was in New York when T-1000's son was killed, and now they're arresting him. Ooooh, apparently Cary Elwes was/is taking money from mobsters and said mobster was involved in the death of T-1000's son. Oh. Apparently T-1000's son saw the mobster after he got abducted by a pedo and so the mobster killed him. Aaaaaand Cary Elwes just got his murder on. Awesome. At least T-1000 now has closure?? He and his ex/real wife are scattering their kid's ashes at the beach. Monica came with him and now there's hugging. Like, can't-live-without-you kind of hugging. I think I'm starting to ship them. THIS IS BAD. 

NOW KISS. Source.

• Oh my God. There is an exact duplicate of the Brady Bunch house. WTF. And now there are creepy versions of Bobby and Cindy Brady wandering around. Ahahaha, T-1000 has "WTF, Monica likes The Brady Bunch???" face. It seems like there's some kind of telekinesis thing going on. T-1000 is now stuck to the ceiling of the attic. And now the telekinetic guy is floating Skinner in midair in his office. Ahahaha. But apparently when the guy uses his power, it kills him, and his power goes away when he's happy. That is officially the lamest power EVER. 
• It's the big two hour finale!!! MULDER'S BACK, BITCHES. And there are underground tunnels and Hummers and now I want to watch The Avengers... Ugh, Jayne's back AGAIN??? Silly Mulder, don't break into a super-soldier facility. Mulder threw Jayne off a balcony onto a bunch of electrical cables and now he's frying. LOVELY. Oh dear. The military have brainwashed Mulder, and now he's hallucinating dead people, starting with Krycek, then Mr. X and The Lone Gunmen. Ahahaha, Mulder is making Hannibal Lecter jokes. Scully is not impressed. Ooooh, William is OUR son now, is he? #secretsexytimes Mulder was sentenced to death for "killing" Jayne, but T-1000 and Skinner broke him out of jail and now they're on the run. On the run to an Anasazi pueblo where there's a wise man who can help them. And the wise man is actually Cigarette Smoking Man? I AM DONE WITH THIS SHOW. SERIOUSLY. T-1000 and Monica have turned up at the pueblo to help Mulder and Scully. Jayne has turned up to kill everyone. Cigarette Smoking Man just told Mulder and Scully that the final alien invasion will happen on 22 December 2012. Guess I don't have to buy anyone any Christmas presents!!! Hahaha, the pueblo has the weird ore in it that blew up John Locke, and now Jayne's going the same way. Awesome. Aaaaaaand we end with Mulder and Scully cuddling on a motel room bed in the dark. Which, seriously????? They didn't find out anything, they didn't stop a single conspiracy, and they're still on the run. I CAN'T EVEN. I am officially done. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. 

Jayne go bye-byes. Also, source.

To make it up to you guys, here's a hilarious video that Pink Gingham Girl sent me of all the times Scully said "Oh my God" throughout the course of all nine seasons. Because LOL FOREVER.

You're welcome.

K xx

We all have potential for greatness

Twelve years ago today (because I'm old as dirt), I finished high school. Well, technically I finished my last CLASSES at high school and cleaned out my locker and cried a lot because OH MY GOD I HAVE TO BE A GROWN UP NOW (total lie. I'm still not a grown up). I still had to sit all my exams, and go back to school a bunch of times for band rehearsals for speech night and then attend graduation and all of that nonsense. But for all intents and purposes, my high school career finished 12 years ago today.

With the end of high school (which, for the Year 12s of 2012 has just happened), you hear a lot of motivational speeches and stuff about inspirational people. So I figured I'd take the opportunity to share with you guys some of the people that *I* find inspiring. They fall into two categories:

Fictional women who kick arse. Literally. 
- Buffy Summers. This will come as no surprise to those of you who read Snark Squad (And if you don't read Snark Squad, you should really start). Buffy's pretty awesome. She risks her life on a daily basis, she fights to save others even when she's terrified, and even death can't keep her down. Plus, she does it all in heels while being snarky.

- Donna Noble. In everyday life? She's a bit bumbling, a little chubby, lives with her mother, and works as a temp. But when she starts travelling with the Doctor? She grounds the Doctor, helps to save the planet numerous times, and she was the most important woman in the universe.

- Zoe Washburne. Zoe is one HELL of a badass. She's a soldier through and through, loyal to her husband, her ship and her captain. She fights for what she believes in, no matter how terrifying the circumstances. And she deadpans her way through it all.

- Dana Scully. When I watched The X-Files as a teenager, I always thought Scully was really boring in comparison to Mulder. But rewatching it over the past few months? Scully is brilliant. She rescues herself from danger on countless occasions, gets kidnapped by lunatics half a dozen times without developing a serious case of agoraphobia/PTSD, cuts up dead bodies at stupid o'clock in the morning, is WAY more snarky than I remember, and does it all while wearing really unflattering 90s pantsuits.

- Natasha Romanoff (aka The Black Widow). Holy crap, is she awesome. She holds her own against a multitude of superheroes with no special powers other than the ones she's worked her butt off to develop. She's afraid when she needs to be, but won't let her fear stop her. And she does whatever she has to to save the people who matter to her. Plus, she outmaneouvered Loki.

Actual people who are amazing.
- Tom Hiddleston. The title for this post is actually a Hiddles quote. In addition to being a fantastic actor, he worked his arse off to get into Cambridge, he's fluent in five languages (including Latin and Ancient Greek), he once brought soup to a reporter on the red carpet after seeing them tweet about how cold it was outside, and he's quite possibly the most eloquent and well-spoken person I've ever come across.

- John and Hank Green. If you're not aware of these two (John is an award winning novelist, and Hank is his younger brother, and a talented musician), they started vlogging in 2007 as an experiment - for twelve months, they would cease text based communication, and instead record daily vlogs to each other. Five years later, they're hugely popular, and have an incredibly dedicated community. But here's the thing - they engage with their community to "decrease world suck", raising money and awareness for causes all around the world. They're unapologetically nerdy, and their motto is "Don't forget to be awesome."

- Joss Whedon. This one's probably not a surprise, considering three of the characters in the above list have had some kind of involvement with him. Joss Whedon likes to break the rules. The network says his characters can't swear on TV? He has them swear in Chinese. He directs a Disney movie? It includes the phrase "mewling quim". The writer's strike shuts down the whole of Hollywood? He writes and films a musical with three big name stars for $10,000 and makes it available for free on the internet. He's not afraid to kill off the most popular character in a show. And one of my favourite quotes is from him - "Be yourself. Unless you suck."

- Maggie Smith. Did you know that she was undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer during the filming of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? She was bald and sick as a dog, but she was determined to see it through to the end and finish playing Minerva McGonagall. If anyone in the world is in Gryffindor? It's Maggie Smith. Also? She's phenomenal as Lady Grantham in Downton Abbey.

- Jennifer Lawrence. She's a brilliant actress, but the real reason I love her? She's kind of a huge dork. She's the girl who waves to the crowd and then goes "Oh shit, I forgot to shave my armpits" (seriously. That happened). She's the girl who's all "Oh, how did I get in shape for this movie? I laid in bed eating French fries." And she's the girl who tells reporters on the red carpet about how much she needs to pee. She's not afraid to be herself, and that? Is awesome.

So. Who inspires you??

K xx

Dead men don't tip, Agent Scully

Holy hell. It took me foreeeeeeeeeeever, but I've FINALLY finished watching The X-Files season 8. To be honest, I've been rapidly losing interest for a while now, but I'm determined to finish the final season because I hate not knowing what happens at the end of a book or movie or TV show (yes, I'm the girl who reads the last page of the book. At least that way if I get hit by a bus, my ghost won't have to wander around for all eternity wondering what happened at the end!).

Scully's face pretty much sums up my feelings about this season. Also, source.

So. On with the show!

• Mulder is gone, and Scully's having nightmares about him. Aaaaaaand now the T-1000 from Terminator 2 has turned up. His name may be Agent John Doggett, but I'm just going call him T-1000, because I can't not. Scully just threw water in his face. AWESOME. Aww. Now Scully's hiding out at Mulder's and is lying on his bed hugging one of his dirty shirts. Honey, that's a little weird... Uh, apparently Mulder was dying from a weird brain disorder. And now he's kidnapped the psychic chess playing kid from season 5-6, and T-1000 has Mulder at gunpoint. TO BE CONTINUED.
• WTF. Mulder just jumped off a cliff and went splat. Oh. It wasn't Mulder. It was the Alien Bounty Hunter. Who's now impersonating Scully. This is very confusing. Two Scullys on screen at the same time. Oh. T-1000 saved the day. And has now been assigned to the X-Files. And Scully's having a little teary. 
• WTF. There is some kind of giant angry bat person thing eating people... DAVID DUCHOVNY IS NO LONGER IN THE CREDITS AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY. Scully has very...wide...hair in this episode. And now T-1000 is fighting a giant bat person in a lake. Seriously, WTF. 

BAT PERSON. Also, source.

• Um. A bus full of people just stopped in the middle of nowhere and the people on board started clubbing each other to death with rocks. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. Ahaha. Scully is using a digital camera, and after you take a photo it brings up an hourglass symbol because it takes so long to save it to the card. Oh, gross. There's some kind of body swap deal that involves putting giant creepy worms into your spine. They've put it into Scully and she is piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed. Oh, double gross. T-1000 came to the rescue and CUT HER BACK OPEN TO GET THE WORM OUT. *gags forever*
• Okay, this episode started with "All the Pretty Horses" playing, and it made me sleepy because that was my bedtime song as a kid. ANYWAY. Some kid disappeared for ten years, but is exactly the same ago. And he's REALLY creepy. And now he's going after his younger brother with a huge knife, and NYARGH. Hmm, T-1000 had a missing kid of his own once upon a time, so he's all about feeling the pain. The guy who abducted the kid ten years ago just dug up his skeleton in his back garden. SO WHERE DID THIS KID COME FROM?!?!?! O.o Oh dear, now the younger brother has vanished. But they found him thanks to the creepy kid, who seems to have been some kind of corporeal ghost??

Creepy small child. Also, source.

• Hmm. There's some kind of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey shit going on here. Time is passing as it should, except the days are happening in reverse order. Apparently this dude - who's a friend of T-1000's - killed his wife and is in jail for it, but has no memory of doing it. Ugh. T-1000 to the rescue AGAIN?? Is this going to be a theme? Because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 
• Uh, ew. An entire room of dead cult members, and some dude with an axe who has an eye in the middle of his forehead. WTF. So apparently you use drugs to open your third eye (literally), and that makes people around you hallucinate stuff and then they die that way. WHUT. Ahahaha, and now T-1000 has an eye in the middle of his forehead. He's dreaming that he has blood on his hands and that he's chopping off Scully's head. And he just woke up to find her in his bedroom. AND THAT WAS THE END OF THE EPISODE. I have literally no idea what just happened. 

So this happened. Source.

• So there's a dude who can see through walls. And he's using his ability to a) spy on his brother's secretary, and b) kill drug dealers and steal their money. It was even less exciting than it sounds. 
• Some dude just crashed his car into his dead brother, and the car split around him. Aaaaand Scully just found the dude's head in a garbage bin and it appears to have been used as a bowling ball. LOVELY. Ahahahahahaha, dead brother is a cyborg. OMFG. SCULLY AND T-1000 ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW MEN MADE OF METAL ONLY HAPPEN IN THE MOVIES. Brilliant. 
• A fat man at an airport in India is being stalked by a beggar with no legs who's creepy as fuck. The fat man just gave him 50 pesos. IN INDIA... Wait. The beggar with no legs wore the fat man like a suit to get into America????? THAT IS HORRIFIC. And the fat man has now bled to death from his butthole. LOVELY. Ahahahahaha, Mike from Twishite is in this episode. Awesome. Apparently the beggar dude is going around killing people who are dicks. It's like one of the Trickster episodes of Supernatural, except WAY more terrifying/gross.

Source

• Uh, Mulder is back and he's blowing people's brains out. Oh okay. T-1000 is investigating a case that Mulder investigated just before he disappeared. It's to do with an Indian folk legend wherein some creepy dude eats you alive, then pukes you back up, then you're cured of any diseases you might have. Mulder was trying to save himself from his brain condition thing, but saw the pain in the beastie's eyes and tried to kill it to save it from itself. Except apparently it's the Incredible Hulk and it can't die. T-1000 just got shot and the beastie ate him, and now he's having a "How the hell do I write up this case??" moment. DUH - "I got eaten. The end."
• Mmmmm, electrocuted people on trains. LOVELY. Aaaaaaaaaaah, BOB KELSO!!! And Captain Gates from Castle. And Robert Stark from Life. Awesome. Eeeuw. Calcium based sea creature that grows through sweat and can electrocute you and burn off your skin. WHUT. 
• Some poor woman just gave birth to an alien baby and then got murdered by her doctors. And now Scully is paranoid that SHE'S going to have an alien baby. Incidentally, despite the fact that six months have passed, Scully doesn't look pregnant AT ALL. Oh, now she's having Mulder flashbacks. Apparently HE FOUND HER OVA IN A SECRET GOVERNMENT LAB AND TOOK THEM TO A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. If that doesn't scream #secretsexytimes, I have no idea what does. Now Scully's at the most blindingly white doctor's office ever, and has stumbled into a room of foetuses in jars. AND YET SHE DOESN'T GO AND FIND A NEW DOCTOR. Flashback #2: she asked Mulder for his sperm. He said that he "wouldn't want this to come between us" (God, just have sex already!!) and then said yes. Yaaaaaay, Mulder baby!!! Oh God. Scully's only 14 weeks pregnant??? This is the longest year of EVER. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, ADAM BALDWIN!!! (aka Jayne from Firefly. I'm gonna call him Jayne because I have no idea what his character's name is) Flashback #3: Awww. Her Mulder baby didn't take. Now there's crying and hugging. "Never give up on a miracle". Yeah, Mulder. A #secretsexytimes miracle.

Honey. Find a new doctor. Also, source.

• Scully's having nightmares about Mulder being experimented on, and is freaking out that he's dead. Now she's crying on Skinner's shoulder. Good GOD, people. Have some manager/employee boundaries!! Now there's some random FBI agent called Monica who thinks Mulder's joined a cult and just THINKS he's been abducted. Uh, whut. Oh. She gets "feelings" and believes in spiritual weirdness. Aaaaaand she has a past with T-1000. Awww. Scully carries round a really worn and folded picture of Mulder with her. Oh dear. Now they've found Mulder's dead body, and Scully is trying to chase a spaceship down on foot. She failed, and now she's screaming "THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" at the sky. I'm sure it's meant to be serious, but it just comes across as hilarious. Aaaand to be continued. 
• Awww. We open at Mulder's funeral. Scully is PROPER crying. Cut to three months later, and Scully is FINALLY looking pregnant. Wheeee, INSTA-BABY! Fisherman have just found Billy Miles' body in a fishing net. And now he's moving on the autopsy table, and there is serious grossness. As a result of Billy not being dead despite three months at sea, Skinner and T-1000 are digging up Mulder's body in the middle of the night. He's not dead! And it on a ventilator! And Scully's crying into his stomach. Uuuuuuuuuuuugh, Krycek is back. AGAIN. Oh dear. Mulder may be harbouring a virus that wants to turn him into an alien killing machine. But T-1000 saved him. Aaaaand now Mulder's awake, and Scully's crying and Mulder pretended to have amnesia because deep down, he's kind of a dick. 

STOMACH CRYING. Also, source.

• Mulder appears - unsurprisingly - to have PTSD. But on the plus side, he's not dying of a brain thing any more. Scully, meanwhile, is a blimp and a half. Except that apparently she's not due for a couple of MONTHS. Ahahahaha - "Whoa. What's this? The hard drive is taking up a whole 10GB of memory!!". OH NO, NOT 10GB!! OMFG. The Lone Gunmen are Team #secretsexytimes - Langley just said to Mulder that they suspect his involvement in "a certain event *stares at Scully's pregnant belly*". Oh. And Jayne is an alien scumbag. Of course. 
• Some dude just got fired, then saw a car crash, then a dude who was on fire climbed out of the crashed car and walked into his body. And now he's killed his boss. BEST. DAY. EVAH. Ugh, and Monica is back. Awww. Mulder just gave Scully a baby present and THERE IS A LOT OF FLIRTING GOING ON RIGHT NOW. I have no idea what the fire dude thing turned out to be, because I was distracted by Mulder being all belly-touchy and Scully grinning like an idiot. In other news, the present he gave her was a really creepy looking doll.
• UGH. The black oil again. 
• Eeeeeeuw, a giant worm beastie. T-1000 has a new partner because Scully's on maternity leave. She's blonde and peppy and I don't like her...WAIT. She's the accountant who processed all of Mulder and Scully's travel expenses. SHE'S A FANGIRL. Awesome. Sadly, her experience with the slime monster thing was enough that she wanted to go back to accounting. 

Peppy blonde fangirl. Also, source.

• There is current sperm on the screen with a Mulder voiceover. Uh, EW. Apparently Scully is carrying a speeeeeeeeeecial baby. A human child with no human frailties. I have no effing clue what that means.  Okay, it's official. They've used the word "barren" FAR too many times in this episode. 
• A METAL VERTEBRA FROM A DEAD BODY IS TURNING ITSELF INTO A SPINE. WHUT. Apparently Scully's chip was used to make her pregnant with an organic super soldier baby thing? Krycek just turned up and tried to kill Mulder. But Skinner killed Krycek instead. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, ABOUT FREAKING TIME TOO!!!!!!! Awww. Scully had the baby (with a TON of alien super soldier people standing around her...). Apparently a light led Mulder to the baby, and then the Lone Gunmen turned up with gifts. Oh JEEZ... AAAAAAAAAH!!!! She and Mulder are face-nomming. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 

Source

Tune in next time for me doing a happy dance because season 9 means IT'S FINALLY OVER. 

K xx