Another year over. What?!

I honestly can't even begin to process the fact that it's the 31st of December already. RIDICULOUS. Anyway, instead of doing my usual year in review post with a million links to a million posts that no one will actually bother to click through to, I figured that I'd do this year's wrap up in vlog form.


Happy New Year, y'all. I'll catch you in 2014!!

K xx

Best of 2013: The worst of everything

Right. We've talked about the best stuff I've read/watched/listened to this year. Now let's talk about the flip side of the coin. You know, the stuff that months later we're all still complaining about because it was just SO. INCREDIBLY. BAD that you don't want anyone else to subject themselves to it. Yeah. That stuff. Let's talk about that stuff.

Robin Thicke - "Blurred Lines"
Let's just jump right to it, shall we? This song is the biggest piece of misogynistic bullshit to hit the radio airwaves in years. It should be destroyed immediately, and Robin Thicke should be shot out of a cannon with no safety equipment as punishment for its existence. Don't even get me started on the video clip. And to think, last year I was complaining about Flo Rida's Whistle. That song has NOTHING on Blurred Lines.

Bachelorette
Oh my God, this film was awful. I hated every single character in it with a fiery passion, it wasn't funny, and I really wish I could have the two-ish hours of my life back.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 #8 - Last Gleaming by Joss Whedon et al.
Volume 7 of the season 8 comics was pretty damned awful. But it was this, the final volume of season 8, that I hated most of all. I'd waited a long time to read it because I couldn't bring myself to actually spend money on it after how completely insane volume 7 was, so I had to wait until it became available at the library. And then I hated it with such a fiery passion that I actually screamed and threw it clear across the room after I read the last page. I've heard that season 9 is better, but I just can't bring myself to start reading it...

Agents of SHIELD
Look, it's not so much that this is bad so much as that it's really really boring. Maybe my expectations were too high, but it's Marvel and it involves Joss Whedon, so I was kind of expecting greatness. Instead, I got something that was decidedly mediocre. I don't care about any of the characters, the storylines in the episodes I've seen have all been decidedly average, and Coulson seems completely out of character when you compare him to the MCU. When I can reach the end of an episode and be so bored that I tuned out completely within the first five minutes? Your show is meh-tastic.

Apocalypse Now, Redux
I'm pretty sure this was the longest movie on the face of the earth. I only watched it because it's on the AFI 100 Years 100 Films list, and I really wish I could have the millionty hours of my life back. Because in addition to being indescribably bored (really, Coppola? An extra FORTY NINE MINUTES OF FOOTAGE was necessary??), I ended up completely and utterly traumatised because NO ONE WARNED ME ABOUT THE BUFFALO SCENE AND MACHETES TERRIFY ME. I was literally dry heaving while watching that scene.

Eyre House by Cait Greer
We've already talked about this one. I don't really have anything to add that I haven't already said!

Land of the Lost
I should have known that I'd hate this film when I discovered that it starred Will Ferrell and Danny McBride. Unfortunately, I decided to watch it anyway. Big mistake.

Graceling by Kristin Cashore
I wanted to like this. I know a lot of people who absolutely loved it. I, unfortunately, was not one of them. There's a difference between a strong female character and a female character who hates everything feminine and all the implications of her gender. Katsa grated on my every nerve, and her "NOPE, NEVER GETTING MARRIED OR HAVING KIDS OH WAIT THAT GUY LOOKS HOT WITH HIS SHIRT OFF SEXYTIMES AHOY!!" was beyond ridiculous.

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special
Sigh. I had such high hopes for awesomeness after it was announced that David Tennant and Billie Piper were coming back for this. Instead, what we got was boring, retconned, hit-the-giant-reset-button typical Moffat nonsense, complete with penis jokes and irritating one dimensional female characters. I think the thing that I was most disappointed about was that it wasn't a celebration of a show that's been running for 50 years. It was a celebration of The Guy Who's Been Running The Show For The Past Few Years. And once you add in the complete lack of communication between David and Billie, I was firmly on Team Why Did You Do This To Me, Moffat? Thank God for that unexpected appearance by Tom Baker, or the whole thing would have been a complete nope-fest.

In short, these things made me make this face:

Source

So. What are your worsts from this year?

K xx

Best of 2013: Music and TV edition

I had intended to split this across yesterday and today, but yesterday was graduation, so I was eeeeeeeeeever so slightly busy. Here, have a picture of me looking incredibly dubious about the sleeves on my Masters wizard robe:

ANYWAY.

Let's start with TV shows, because there are only four new (to me) shows that I've loved this year and I'm pretty sure I've already blogged about how much I loved them:
1. Veronica Mars;
2. Orphan Black;
3. Elementary;
4. Sleepy Hollow.

Onto music. As I probably mentioned this time last year, I'm not really a big music person. I can't stand the radio, I rarely get all "Wow, I relate to this so much" about songs, and I generally have a policy of "Does this song make me happy? If yes, listen to song on a never ending loop. If no, skip song every time iPod attempts to play it" approach to things. Which means that I have a tendency to listen to the same 120 songs over and over again even though I have over 2,000 songs in my iTunes library. ANYWAY. Here's some stuff that got added to my "Press repeat" playlist this year, many of which I've been completely late to the party on:

Adele - Someone Like You
Neon Trees - Everybody Talks
Scouting for Girls - Millionaire


P!nk - Try
The Basics - Just Hold On
Darin - So Yours


David Guetta feat. Sia - Titanium
Mike Mains and the Branches - Stereo
The Basics - Hey Rain


Darin - Nobody Knows
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Friday on My Mind
The entirety of the Pitch Perfect soundtrack


Ollie Murs - Troublemaker
The Basics - Home Again
Emmelie de Forest - Only Teardrops


Yes, Eurovision is completely and utterly responsible for three of the songs on this list, and the gym is responsible for several more. Oh, and Ylvis has also been on high rotation in recent months. Because OBVIOUSLY.

What have you been watching/listening to a lot this year?

K xx

Nerdtasticness

Remember this time last year when I had Must Be Thrifty, her boyfriend Cheap Geek, and our high school bestie L over for Mexipalooza? Almost a year to the day later, the four of us were together again. With an additional 80 or so people, because MUST BE THRIFTY AND CHEAP GEEK GOT MARRIED!!!!!! And it was quite possibly the most geek-tastic event I've ever had the pleasure of attending.

First of all, Cheap Geek and his family entered to The Imperial March from Star Wars. As played by MBT's nephew's bossa nova band. Awesome. Said band also provided much of the music for the evening, which included the theme from Super Mario, a selection of songs from The Lion King, the Doctor Who theme, the Futurama theme, and the cantina theme from Star Wars. In short, the music was made of solid gold win.

Also made of win? The teapot that was used to serve the tea for the semi-traditional Vietnamese tea ceremony:

The table decorations consisted of old boardgames, a variety of teapots filled with flowers, and completely hilarious books - there was a cowboy book on our table called "The Leather Slapper" and the verso listed other books from the same publisher, which included "The Two-Fisted Cowpoke", which had half the table cackling with laughter. One of the other books on our table? A guide to Chinese cookery from the early 1950s. It included this delicious sounding recipe...

Excuse you, that is acceptable as NOTHING EVER.

The food was TO DIE FOR. I honestly thought that the vast quantities of hors d'oeuvres that graced the buffet with their presence over the course of an hour or so were dinner. But no. They were just the entree. And were followed by a main course, cheese plates, dessert, and wedding croquembouche. Complete with Lego MBT and Cheap Geek on top, because OBVIOUSLY.

In keeping with the "normal weddings are boring" theme, the bride and groom had a first lawn bowl (the wedding AND the reception were at a bowls club) instead of a first dance, and instead of tossing the bouquet, we played bouquet bingo, complete with wedding related bingo calls!

It was definitely the most relaxed wedding I've ever been to - the bride was mingling with guests when I arrived - and also one of the most enjoyable. It may not have fitted what a lot of people think a wedding should be, but pff. It was awesome, and it totally fitted Must Be Thrifty and Cheap Geek!!

Congratulations, guys. Hope you're having a spectacular honeymoon.

K xx

Movie Monday: The "2013 to date" edition

Real life went ahead and rudely (except not really because it involved family, good friends, and amazing food) got in the way this past weekend, meaning I didn't have time to watch a movie for today. So I figured that seeing as how we're now half way through the year, I'd pick out the best five movies I saw in the first half of this year in the order in which I saw them.

Lincoln
Daniel Day-Lewis was ABSOLUTELY PHENOMENAL. It was one of the very rare times that I forgot I was watching an actor play a character and got completely caught up in the story. He totally deserved that Oscar. In addition to that, the whole movie was beautifully cast and shot and SO FREAKING GOOD.

The Amazing Spider-Man
Okay, so I know this came out last year. But I saw it on the plane to Los Angeles back in January, and pretty much loved every second of it. Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are fabulous, and I liked that Spidey wasn't completely indestructible. He was just a kid who worked out a way to help his city.

Brave 
Another one I saw on the plane. And it was brilliant. It's totally adorable and the casting was fantastic. Don't even get me started on how incredible the animation is!

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
Sure, it's completely over the top and ridiculous and generally stupid. But it was also hilarious, and EMBRACED the fact that it was completely over the top and ridiculous and generally stupid. Add in Jeremy Renner, and it's a winner in my book.

Iron Man 3
By far the best of the three from my perspective. There's acknowledgement that Tony's not even remotely okay after the events of The Avengers, there's a villain who's not what you think, and there's Tony proving that even without his suits he's still Iron Man.

What are your favourite movies so far this year?

K xx

Blog comment carnival: June 2013

I realised the other day that it's been a while since I've linked up with Jessica for her month blog comment carnival. Like, "since October of last year" kind of a while. WHOOPS. Although given that I was in Canberra at the end of November doing an internship, was braindead in December thanks to Christmas, and then was in the US (and yes, I will EVENTUALLY write up the last installment of my trip) in January, it's not surprising that I kind of forgot to pick it up again once things settled down.

ANYWAY. Let's get back into it, yes? Yes.

On Movie Monday: She's All That:

Pretzel Thief

Oh God, I love this movie so much.

SO, SOOO MUCH.

Last year, my besties and I were so desperate to watch it one night, we went to a Blockbuster -- and it had been checked out. We were dismayed, natch.

A few days later, I bought the DVD for ten bucks snd much happiness ensued.

I soooo wanna watch it again. Like, NOW again.

(Oh, and I used to loooove Freddie circa '98 and '99. DUH.)

xo

Deidre

She had me at falafel hat.

On Do you hear the bloggers sing?:

Gina

That still stands as one of the best girls-night-out experiences ever. I doubt the record will be beat any time soon.

On Movie Monday: Forgetting Sarah Marshall:

Coyote Rose

My sister made my mother and I watch this with her and I'm not sure this is a movie you really want to watch with your mother in the room. Also Mila Kunis is amazingly awesome in this movie.

On Judgey McJudgerson and the early morning adventure:

Pretzel Thief

Well, all of that sounds delightful!

Love your text msg convo, hahah.

And you've got way more balls than I because, although I'll happily go paragliding (and I did, on Yogi's and my honeymoon), the thought of a hot air balloon ride scares the bejesus outta me.

But OH does it look fun...!

xox

On Sadly lacking in Timbits:

Kerri Carrie

This boggles my mind - why didn't they just use the ice re-surfacer machine from The Icehouse which is practically within walking distance? Ok..it's not.. But seriously, probably would have been a) faster and b) more effective.

The thing that lacks in Australian Ice-Hockey is the fights. When I use to go watch Melbourne Ice play, it was too tame.

Deidre

I can tell that I've become a real melbournite when I cheered you on for booing a collingwood player. assimilation - complete.

On Funemployment:

Deidre

Totally a ghost. I feel sad that someone had to eat it - it's like a long lost friend that I never met.

On Movie Monday: Pitch Perfect:

Emily Hornburg

I LOVE THIS MOVIE! I think the quiet Asian girl is my favorite. I listen to the soundtrack all the time and I might make the youth watch it on our 13 hour drive to Texas next week...

Pretzel Thief

OOF. Love this movie, luuuurrrrrve it.

And now I wanna watch it again! And again and again! And-- oh, okay, you get it. The little "I-wanna-be-a-popstar" twelve year old inside cries at the beautiful harmonisation.

And Rebel Wilson is the shiz. So happy for her success in movies, yay!

xo

On I would make a truly terrible spy. Just like Sydney Bristow:

Kim

ADLSOIFNOSINDFLKSNCXXLOIHGOIHWSLDFKJLSKJD FFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSS

Damnit.

So yeah. Alias. Bradley Cooper will always be Willage Idiot to me, I can never get past that. Also HOW CAN YOU FORGET THE FRANCINATOR SRLY WHUT?

Here's me having an honest moment - I am a total Syd/Weiss shipper. IDEK why. Save me.

Thank you for leaving me awesome comments of awesomeness. I love you all. Don't forget to go and link up with Jessica if you write your own blog comment carnival post!

K xx

The most wonderful time of the year, part 3

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's finals night!!!!!!!! :D

If you missed the semi-finals, you can check out my posts here and here. You can see all the acts on Youtube here, and all pictures are sourced from the individual country pages here.

We're starting with a choir singing an anthem written by some of Sweden's best known artists. And there's some kind of flag parade going down, like it's the Olympics or something. Only most of them are wearing white, because IT'S EUROVISION. Also, it's taking all the fun out of how insane the outfits will be. For shame, Sweden. FOR SHAME.

And now, on with the performances! I'll do proper stuff for the Big Five and Sweden, and a couple of lines for the rest, as they've already performed in the semis. On with the show!!

France - Amandine Bourgeois

She's wearing an insane fringed leather dress and it's kind of blues-y. Couldn't be more different from last year's French entry, but I'm kind of liking it. Although she sort of reminds me of Veruca from Buffy, so now I don't know how to feel. Gah. Nicely rock-y and very minimalist in terms of visual effects. A good start to the night!

Lithuania - Andrius Pojavis

I think I like this better than I did in the semi-final. The lyrics are still kind of insane though.

Moldova - Aliona Moon

Time for the insane costumes to commence!! I still hate her hair with a fiery passion. She brought her A game though, so at least the singing didn't suck. 

Finland - Krista Siegfrids

Oh God, here we go. I'm pretty sure her shoes have gotten even more insane in the past few days. Honestly, I'm a little disturbed by how catchy this song is. Bonus points for the onstage costume change! 

Spain - ESDM

Bagpipes. Which, you know, Spain is totally famous for... She has crazy sparkly eyeshadow going on, along with excessive use of the wind machine. It's kind of rock-y and I think I love it. Plus, their guitarist is wearing a bowtie. Bowties are cool. Her dress looks a little bit like it had an unfortunate encounter with a lawnmower. But it wasn't a sad tragic ballad, so...WIN.

Belgium - Roberto Bellarossa

I didn't think it was possible, but I think he's singing with his eyebrows even more than he was the other night. Wowsers. I still don't really understand why his back up dancers are so corporate-looking, but I think the song has grown on me. 

Estonia - Birgit

Apparently she's preggers, which at least explains her slightly insane cone-like dress. Although I don't know why the footage starts in black and white and then switches to colour... 

Belarus - Alyona Lanskaya

I think the cameraman's drunk - the footage here is totally insane. Also, she's sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiightly flat and it's killing me. 

Malta - Gianluca

I think I like this more than I did the other night too. Maybe he seems more relaxed or something? IDK. He's still insanely squinty from smiling though. The bit where he went out to interact with the crowd was AWFUL though. Seriously pitchy. 

Russia - Dina Garipova

The repetition of "ified, ified, ified" at the start of the song is still crazy awkward. Still, it's a song about peace, and Eurovision goes crazy for that shit. 

Germany - Cascada

I can never work out how I feel about Cascada, because a lot of their songs end up as Body Pump tracks... ANYWAY. That is one HELL of a shiny dress. SMOKE MACHINE. She also seems a little flat and it's making me cringe. It's a pretty catchy song though, and I'm chair dancing which always results in bonus points, but usually leads to songs getting almost no points in the voting. So...there's that. 

Armenia - Dorians

Still going with no. Too much double denim. And hand close ups. Someone really needs to talk to that cameraman. 

The Netherlands - Anouk

I still can't tell if she's crazy pitchy or if this song is just legitimately insane. It kind of sounds like it belongs in a moody teen movie involving a boy with a crooked smile and someone with paranormal powers. 

Romania - Cezar

Cezar, you are the personification of Eurovision. I love you. And I'm kind of obsessed with your song. And you nailed that performance.

UK - Bonnie Tyler

Oh, Bonnie. If you were singing Total Eclipse of the Heart, I would be totally on board with your presence here. Sadly, you're not. At least it's an improvement on last year's Engelbert Humperdinck?? Wow. Bonnie, honey. This is pretty awful. The UK *really* doesn't want to win, do they?! It's entirely possible that this is WORST than Engelbert. I didn't think it was possible. She HAS broken out the wind machine and a levitating stage, so I guess that gets her like half a point... 

Sweden - Robin Stjernberg

He's dressed in all white and has Jedward hair. Things are off to a good start. The stage is flooded with smoke and he has back up dancers doing acrobatics. The amount of make up he's wearing is slightly terrifying though. His song's not bad, but it's crazy repetitive. Fireworks AND a curtain of sparks falling from the roof. He definitely brought his A game! 

Hungary - ByeAlex

Ugh. Still hipsters, still a boring song, still all kinds of nope. 

Denmark - Emmeline de Forest

I still love this song and her Ronan Keating lookalike on the fife and side drum. AND they just released sparkly confetti in the arena! Denmark are going above and beyond tonight. 

Iceland - Eythor Ingi

Thor! I didn't notice last night, but he has awesome jewellery going on. And he just did a seriously hard core "throw the mic stand out of the way" move. Awesome.

Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov

This is still awesome, and I still don't understand how the guy in the box is doing all the stuff he's doing. Because it's hella impressive. 

Greece - Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis

Oh Greece. You're still insane and confusing and brilliant. Love every second of it. 

Ukraine - Zlata Oglavich

The eight foot tall man in a Braveheart costume is still insanely confusing. She appears to have kicked her dance moves up a notch since the other night. Although she still can't really move in her silly mermaid dress. 

Italy - Marco Mengoni

The last of the big five. He's singing in Italian, so I have no idea what's happening. It's all very minimalist, and I'm not sure what to make of it. Yet another impressive set of eyebrows, but at least he's not using them as back up performers. I'm kind of loving his blue/green/teal suit though! 

Norway - Margaret Berger

Her hair is as awful as it was during the semi-final, but the song is still awesome. And her dress is pretty great. 

Georgia - Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani

Time for the only duet of the night. I think the song's grown on me? I think. I can't really tell, to be honest. Maybe if I wasn't distracted by her insanely sparkly dress I'd like it better.

Ireland - Ryan Dolan

The final song of the evening brings us tattooed shirtless men in very shiny trousers. I'm still a little disappointed that it's not Jedward for the third year in a row. Sigh. The song's not terrible, but the crazy dance moves are hilarious. 

And we've got last year's winner, Loreen, as the interval entertainment. Awesome! Although I'm not quite sure why she's got wings... Oh. Because she was going to get hauled up into the air. OF COURSE. And an ABBA tribute, although no actual ABBA. Sad panda. 

On to the voting! Hurrah, awkward satellite linkups from all over Europe. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm not going to go through the individual results because we've be here FOREVER. So let's cut straight to the good stuff.

The winner is...*drum roll*...DENMARK!!! It's ever so slightly disappointing because she was the favourite, but at least it was a decent song. And hopefully this means more people playing the fife into the future!! Still, I'm sad that Romania weren't higher up the points than they ended up... 

See you all in Copenhagen next year!!

K xx

The most wonderful time of the year, part 2

If you missed last night's post covering semi-final 1, go and check it out before you read this.

For those who've read it, let's get going on semi-final 2!! Once again, you can see all the acts here (The former is mostly preview videos, and the latter may only work in Australia). And once again, all images were sourced from the individual country profiles here.

Here's hoping Malmo delivers us less ballads than last night, or I may just cry... 

Latvia - PeR

OH MY GOD. The Latvian version of Jedward. They're wearing the sparkliest suits ever. And are alternating between singing, rapping, and bouncing around like idiots. Also, they have a keytar player. And a guy whose guitar has an iPad in it?? Awesome. We're already off to a better start than last night!! The song's incredibly repetitive but pretty catchy. WHEEE, STAGE DIVING!! That was kind of great, in a trashy Europop way. 

San Marino - Valentina Monetta

It's the girl who sang the Social Network song!! Only she's ginger this year. One wonders if her song any better than last year's trainwreck... Um. She's waving a giant glowing ball around the stage. So while the song is less awful, I'm still pretty confused. She appears to be wearing a nightie borrowed from Morticia Addams, with a nice ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGE!!!! billowy cloak of doom effect. Pretty great compared to last year.

FYR Macedonia - Esma & Lozano

A t-shirt with a tuxedo? Uh. Sure? And OH MY GOD you have to watch the video for this because her dress is freaking insane. It's like the crazy baby of a sari and a flamenco dress. Awesome. The song is...I honestly have no idea. It's like a combination of 12 different factors and I can't work out what they add up to. I think I like it though. 

Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov

You'll be thrilled to know that his eyebrows are less terrifying than in that picture. Which is a relief. For some reason, he's on top of a perspex box with a person in it. And said person is doing acrobatic stuff in the box. Ohhh. I think the person is meant to be his shadow. That's pretty cool!! And he's kind of adorable. And now there's a girl in a billowy dress with an insane train. And the box is getting filled with rose petals or confetti or something. I'm kind of loving this. Way to bring it, Azerbaijan. 

Finland - Krista Siegfrids

Apparently her back up dancers are known as "Team Ding Dong". LOL WHUT. Oh dear God. She's in a wedding dress and pink booties. And one pink glove. This is........awful. Even by Eurovision standards. It sounds like it was written by Anastasia Steele... They just pinned a giant sheet on her head. FIREWORKS!!! And ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGES!!! Her back up dancers just went from purple crushed velvet tuxes to pink bridesmaid's dresses. And a girl-on-girl kiss at the end. Because...of reasons?? IDK. 

Malta - Gianluca

SBS didn't have a picture. Thank God for the Beeb.

Apparently this dude's a medical doctor as well as a singer. Who's not?! Awwww, he has a ukelele player. It's kind of John Mayer-esque... He's very squinty, but he looks like he's having a good time, so I guess that's what matters? Another song where we have the lyrics on the screen. How thoughtful. Apparently the song is about not procrastinating. Whut. It was kind of catchy, but lacking in ridiculous theatricality. 

Bulgaria - Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankulov

There are a shit ton of drums on stage right now. Along with Bulgarian bagpipes. One of the drummers has an EPIC mullet. Awesome. She seems a little out of tune. The backing singers look INSANELY bored and kind of awkward. Okay, now it sounds like the introductory music to Compass... Are they drumming with glow sticks???? ...There is now a guy carrying a giant face mask. Like, GIANT. I have no idea what to make of it. 

Iceland - Eythor Ingi

Bonus points for having "Thor" in his name. It's clearly hard to sound plaintive while singing a ballad in a language full of choking sounds... It's all very minimalist, but I kind of like it. He seems to be fighting the urge to rock out, which would be kind of great. He's got back up singers now, and is rocking out a little. You know, as much as you can while singing a ballad. Again with the weird hand close up at the end. I think the cameraman has a fetish... 

Greece - Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis

Apparently we're about to get Greek music in a ska style. Uh, okay... The song is called "Alcohol is Free", which LOL. All of them except the old dude are wearing...Greek kilts?? IDK. And they just dropped the bass and now everyone's rocking out. Kind of like their song is the Greek version of the Harlem Shake. I think I like it. I'm particularly impressed by the guy who can RUN around the stage while playing the accordion. Because those things aren't light! Speaking of lights, all their instruments have LEDs around the edges. Awesome. 

Israel - Moran Mazor

Oh my God, Israel is doing a ballad about love rather than something about peace?? I can't even begin to process this. Or the fact that her dress is split to the naval and is like 50% cleavage... Seriously, I can't even focus on her song (which is in Hebrew, and therefore features lots of spitty noises) because I'm scared she's going to have a costume malfunction. MASSIVE KEYCHANGE. And her female back up singer has hilarious hair. And AGAIN with the hand close up. Someone needs to have words with this cameraman. 

Armenia - Dorians

Apparently this song is written by the guitarist of Black Sabbath. AWESOME. The smoke machine is working overtime, and the lead singer is wearing one hell of a hipster man scarf. He also appears to have a tea towel hanging off the back of his jeans, and a scary pair of eyebrows. Another hand shot. And another ballad with a slightly more rock beat. FLAMES ON STAGE. And a guitar solo! I'm not loving the song - it's kind of like the winner's single from [insert country here] Idol. 

Hungary - ByeAlex

Ohhhh honey. Could you be more of a hipster??? Good grief. And his guitarist has Jedward hair. Ten seconds in, and I kind of hate this song. It seems a little like bad karaoke - like he doesn't quite have the voice to carry it. With a different singer it might be okay. But it's falling flat for me at the moment. 

Norway - Margaret Berger

We're starting off with a seizure inducing light display. She's in a Pretty White Virginal Dress, but it's a bit badass-y with silver studs down the sides. She kind of sounds like she should be in Buffy, playing at the Bronze. I kind of like it. Although I want to brush her ratty looking fishtail braid... The song was pretty great in the end. 

Albania - Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko

Flames AND the smoke machine? We're off to a good start! It's more rock-based than your traditional Eurovision song. Mostly I'm just revelling in the Not Ballad-ness of it all! There's not enough head banging at Eurovision, if you ask me. A GUITAR THAT SHOOTS SPARKS. Excellent. I approve. 

Georgia - Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani

The guy that wrote this wrote last year's winning song. Hmm. Interesting... The smoke machine is working overtime. Her dress looks like it was stolen from the Queen. I feel like this is one of those songs that grows on you. But right now, I'm not really feeling it. Although they've added a massive key change and a shower of sparks from the ceiling, so that definitely takes things up a couple of notches! Aaaaaaaand the wind machine's just picked up to blow her dress everywhere. 

Switzerland - Takasa

The old guy in the photo up there is NINETY FIVE. Awesomeness. There's a marching drum, a flying V guitar, a double bass, and a trombone. And it's a rock song. How can you not be on board with that?? Their female singer has awesome shoes. I want them. And the guitarist is pretty cute. But the song was kind of meh. They're a Salvation Army band, that pretty much tells you all you need to know! 

Romania - Cezar

Is it just me, or does he look like a Romanian version of Rupert Everett?? The smoke machine is working overtime. And his costume is HILARIOUS. He has an insane range though. He's currently singing contralto and HOLY HELL. He also has some guys doing a weird interpretive dance in front of him. Now he's rising up into the air and is singing higher than I can. Whut. FLAMES!! Awesome - it's kind of like watching Dracula sing falsetto. AMAZING.

Well. Malmo definitely kicked it up from last night! Which is something of a relief. Hurrah for less ballads!! 

Who's made it through to the finale? Let's find out!!!

1. Hungary
2. Azerbaijan
3. Georgia
4. Romania
5. Norway
6. Iceland
7. Armenia
8. Finland
9. Malta
10.  Greece

Are you watching the big finale tomorrow? Who would have your vote given the opportunity?? And - most importantly - are you hoping that ABBA turn up at some point??? 

K xx

The most wonderful time of the year

That's right, children. IT'S EUROVISION TIME!!!!

And you know what that means - it's time for three straight nights of me blogging my way through Europop, onstage costume changes (PLEASE let there be more than last year), and excessive use of wind machines. HURRAH.

Eurovision 2013 is coming to you from Malmo, Sweden. I'm kind of excited that they're starting with a "Lots of different countries cover last year's winning song", because that song is STILL near the top of my most commonly played songs in iTunes. Not sure about the children's choir singing it though...

Anyway. Let's get on with the show!! (All images taken from the country pages here.) If you didn't watch it, you can see all the songs here.

Austria - Natalia Kelly

Oh dear God, shiny silver jeans. They look really uncomfortable. Also, she looks terrifyingly like Melina Kanakaredes. The song is kind of blah. She's a good singer, it's just not a particularly memorable song. KEY CHANGE. Of course it coincided with a seizure-inducing lighting display. Aaaaaand some use of the wind machine to finish. Obviously.

Estonia - Birgit

I have no idea what this song is about, because it's in Estonian. But it's a ballad, so probably something sappy. Also, she's wearing an ENORMOUS white dress that makes her look like one of those cakes with a doll shoved in the top of it. And excessive use of the wind machine. Because it's practically obligatory. SMOKE MACHINE!!! And back up singers in snazzy three piece suits.

Slovenia - Hannah

Okay, apparently she's American but now lives in Slovenia. YES, CRAY CRAY DANCERS WEARING FACE MASKS. And leather pants, because you can't have one without the other. I'm actually kind of loving this song, despite its overpowering techno beat. The back up dancers are now doing weird push ups and squats. It's Gangnam Style combined with an aerobics class. Oooh, added acrobatics. Nice. It kind of makes Hannah fade into the background though.

Croatia - Klapa s mora

The Croatian version of Il Divo in the house! Singing a ballad, because OBVS. Their costumes are pretty awesome though - kind of like Napoleonic era naval uniforms, but with longer coats. The song is about what you'd expect from the Croatian version of Il Divo, although it seems pretty repetitive.

Denmark - Emmeline de Forest

Apparently this is the favourite. We're starting with a Ronan Keating lookalike playing the fife. And we have another Pretty White Virginal Dress. And bare feet. I guess it worked for Loreen last year? Oooh, and we're continuing the Napoleonic theme as Ronan and another guy are now playing the side drum. Emmeline herself looks kind of like a less ginger version of Isla Fisher. The song's pretty catchy, I can see why it's the favourite. And now we're alternating between the side drums and something resembling a timpani, but on its side?? AAAAAAAAAAAND IT'S RAINING FIRE. WELCOME TO EUROVISION.

Russia - Dina Garipova

I'm kind of sad that last year's grannies aren't performing again. Instead, we have the Russian winner of The Voice. Another ballad? What the hell, Eurovision? Bring back the cheesy Europop, dammit! She looks a little like she's wearing a dressing gown. That said, she's got a pretty good voice. And back up singers in all white, because OF COURSE. She looks bizarrely like Khloe Kardashian, though. Oh. Her male back up singers just threw huge glowing balls into the audience. Uhhhhhhh????

Ukraine - Zlata Ognevich

First of all, the butterfly in her hair in that picture is bizarre. ANOTHER ballad? Uuuuuuuuuuuugh. Also a man who's eight feet tall (literally) and dressed like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. WHAT. Her back up singers just appeared out of the floor, Hunger Games style. EXCESSIVE SMOKE MACHINE USAGE. At least they've pushed things up a notch by giving the ballad a decent beat? Yet another Pretty White Virginal Dress. Which is apparently so tight that the only movement she can make is to move her hips from side to side... Aaaand FIREWORKS to finish.

The Netherlands - Anouk

Apparently this girl is the Alanis Morrisette of the Netherlands. And now she's singing a ballad. Either she's REALLY pitchy or this song has insanely wacky key changes every two bars. I genuinely can't tell. And it's either the wind machine or the weight of all the mascara she's wearing, but she can barely keep her eyes open. Hmm. I'm not sure how I feel about this song. Too many ballads back to back has drained my spirit.

Montenegro - Who See

I...have no idea what is happening here. There are rapping astronauts, overuse of the smoke machine, and some kind of compressed air shots?? And seizure inducing strobe lights,. And a girl singing the chorus who looks like a robot version of Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. I can't even. Still, at least it's not a ballad?

Lithuania - Andrius Pojavis

Another ballad, but this time with a rock beat and a leather jacket. That's progress, I guess?? He's doing a lot of singing with his eyebrows, which is kind of hilarious. I want to like it, but it's kind of like average karaoke. GRATUITOUS ABS SHOT!! I don't even know what to make of the song because he's singing about being in love with someone, but then talks about his shoes. It's kind of like the first year they were allowed to sing in another language again, and they all ran their songs through Babelfish at the last minute and none of the translations made sense...

Belarus - Alyona Lanskaya

She just appeared out of a giant disco ball in a tiny fringed dress and HELLO EUROVISION. Her back up dancers are wearing all white or crazy fringed dresses and there are fireworks and smoke machine effects, and she seems like she's a quarter tone flat, and seriously, you guys. THIS is what Eurovision is all about. KEY CHAAAAAAAAAANGE. And FIRE BALLS. Sorry I'm so capsy, but there've been so many ballads tonight that it's a welcome change of awfulness. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Moldova - Aliona Moon

Back to the ballads again. This time with piano accompaniment and a glowing dress a la Carrie Underwood at the Grammys. Her hair is rather more insane though. She has the obligatory male back up dancer in all white AND the obligatory stage full of smoke machine effects. Um. She now appears to be lifting up into the air on some kind of pedastal that's hidden under her dress, which is crazy long, so she now looks like she's three metres tall. WEIRD. How the hell is she going to get down from there?!

Ireland - Ryan Dolan

I have to say, I'm kind of sad by the lack of Jedward this year. That said, three years in a row of Jedward would probably have been a little excessive... He DOES have back up dancers playing the bodhran in tight silver trousers though, so.........there's that?? He should probably also considering not plucking his eyebrows QUITE so much, because they're scaring me. It's upbeat, but kind of forgettable. Aaaaaand an explosion of sparks at the end.

Cyprus - Despina Olympiou

She appears to be wearing lingerie, which is a little awkward. Aaaaaand it's yet ANOTHER ballad because apparently Eurovision hates me this year. It's all very minimalist which, when it comes to Eurovision, is code for "totally forgettable". Sorry, Cyprus. You do not get douze pointes from me, regardless of how many key changes you add in. There was also a weird close up of her hand at the end. What.

Belgium - Roberto Bellarossa

Another one who's doing a lot of singing with his eyebrows. Why do you do this, people?? It's weird. His back up dancers appear to be feeling him up, which is a little awkward because he looks to be about twelve. He has his lyrics on a screen behind him, which is thoughtful because it's hard to hear him over the backing beat and the fact that I can't focus on anything but his insane eyebrows.

Serbia - Moje 3

I...have no idea what these girls are wearing (possibly cupcake wrappers??), but they have awesome 1940s hairdos, so they get bonus points for that! And I kind of want their awesomely coloured patent shoes. The song is typical Europop, which is an awesome change from the four million ballads we've sat through tonight. But it's not great.

Aaaaaaaand that's it for the performances for semi-final 1. Who's through to the finals? Let's find out!!

1. Moldova
2. Lithuania
3. Ireland
4. Estonia
5. Belarus
6. Denmark
7. Russia
8. Belgium
9. Ukraine
10.  The Netherlands

Did you watch it? Were you pleased with the results? Or were you, like me, disappointed by the TOTAL LACK OF ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGES?????

See you tomorrow night for semi-final 2!!

K xx