Movie Monday - the scores edition

Last week, I talked about my favourite soundtracks. This week, I'm going to talk about my favourite scores, because a score can be absolutely iconic without containing any lyrics whatsoever.

Once again, these are in no particular order, because that's way too much like hard work!

Pirates of the Caribbean - Hans Zimmer

This score is a total earworm in all its forms. All I need is a couple of seconds of it, and it's inevitably stuck in my head for the next three days. But it's okay because it's totally awesome. Also, if you set this particular track as your alarm in the morning, you'll wake up convinced that you can do anything. WIN.

Lord of the Rings - Howard Shore 

That string line, you guys. It's just so good. And the horns. God, I love a good French horn line... There are just so many awesome themes throughout the entire score, and I love that there's effectively an individual theme for each place in Middle Earth.

Jurassic Park - John Williams

Come on, like you weren't expecting this to be on here. There's a reason why John Williams crops up on this list as many times as he does: the man is a master. This score is full of wonder and excitement and pants-shitting-there's-a-raptor-chasing-me terror, and it's AMAZING.

Gladiator - Lisa Gerrard and Hans Zimmer

There ARE a few moments in this soundtrack where, after Pirates of the Caribbean came out, I was like "Zimmer, dude. Get a new jam..." because it feels quite similar. But it's still one hell of a soundtrack, and it's capable of giving me goosebumps.

The Avengers - Alan Silvestri

I inevitably end up singing this over and over on a loop any time I watch pretty much any Marvel movie these days, which I suspect is largely due to the use of The Avengers theme in the Lego Marvel Superheroes game. But I'm totally okay with that, because it's a pretty fabulous score.

The Holiday - Hans Zimmer

Okay, so it's a cheesy romantic comedy. But it has one HELL of a score, as you'd expect with Hans Zimmer. Also as you'd expect in a movie where Jack Black plays a composer who writes movie scores... While it may be less epic than a lot of the other scores, it's still fabulous.

Harry Potter - John Williams

I don't know about you guys, but the second the tinkly notes of Hedwig's Theme started to play at the beginning of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, I knew we were in for one hell of a score. And once again, Williams brought his A game.

Enemy at the Gates - James Horner

I find it really interesting that, with the exact same instruments in the orchestra, a composer can create something that sounds so country-specific (The Monuments Men, for example, had a score that just screamed "America"). This score is so tense and so undeniably Russian sounding, and it does a brilliant job of setting the mood during the Battle of Stalingrad.

Indiana Jones - John Williams

Another Williams classic with one hell of a brass line. The whole thing just has this incredible sense of adventure about it, and I adore it.

Back to the Future - Alan Silvestri

Much like the score to Indiana Jones, the Back to the Future score features one hell of a brass line and has a great sense of adventure about it. Apparently that happened a lot in the 1980s...

Star Wars - John Williams

This one is mostly here because I felt like I couldn't mention John Williams without including it. It's pretty damned iconic, and with good reason. I do enjoy it, but it's not in my top ten...

I think what we've effectively learnt here today is that I'm a sucker for a score with a good French horn line. Or that there are a handful of movie score composers whose work I'm irrationally drawn to. Or both. Maybe both...

What are your favourite scores?

K xx

Movie Monday: AFI 100 Years 100 Films edition

So you guys probably know that one of the things I have on my Day Zero list is to watch all 100 films on the AFI's 2007 version of their 100 Years, 100 Films list. I've now ploughed my way through around a third of them, and as I've not had time to prepare a proper post today (VEDA is still taking up pretty much all of my time), I figured that I'd tell you what I thought of them! The numbers against each movie are their rankings in the AFI list.

#1 - Citizen Kane

Source

Totally not what I was expecting. Orsen Welles was pretty fabulous, considering he acted in, wrote and directed it and he was only like 27. But at the end of the day, the story wasn't all that exciting.

#2 - The Godfather
I've always found this movie kind of confusing - it seems to dump you into the middle of the action with no idea of who anyone is, and as a result I have a hard time keeping the characters straight. I can tell you one thing though - Michael Corleone is a douchebag.

#3 - Casablanca
I'm not a huge fan of Humphrey Bogart for unspecified reasons. There's just something about him that doesn't quite gel for me. Anyway, despite that, I kind of love this movie.

#5 - Singin' in the Rain
YES OMG PERFECT MOVIE IS PERFECT SO MUCH LOVE. I could watch it every single day and never get bored. Appropriately, I'm seeing the stage version on Thursday night.

#6 - Gone with the Wind

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REALLY FREAKING LONG. And the ending was a total anticlimax. Like, throw things at the walls because "THAT'S HOW IT ENDS?!" kind of anticlimax. But I didn't hate it as much as I remembered.

#7 - Lawrence of Arabia 
SO. FREAKING. LONG. Also, not particularly exciting. Not really a fan. The music was good though?

#10 - The Wizard of Oz
FAR more awesome than I remembered. And also a lot shorter. Weird.

#13 - Star Wars Episode IV
I love everything about this film. Provided it's the original theatrical version and not the crappy remastered one.

#14 - Psycho
Awesomeness. Love every second of it. Anthony Perkins is so brilliantly EVERYTHING.

#16 - Sunset Boulevard

She gives new meaning to "crazy eyes". Also, source.

AMAZING. That's all there is to it.

#17 - The Graduate
This generally made me uncomfortable. I blame the Snark Squad's 50 Shades recaps... The ending was kind of odd, but at least the music was good?

#22 - Some Like It Hot
Pure perfection.

#24 - ET
I was TERRIFIED of this movie as a child. As a 30 year old? It's still terrifying. And pretty crap because it's now insanely dated. Mini Drew Barrymore was an unexpected highlight.

#27 - High Noon
Not entirely what I expected, and I'm still not 100% sure about what was happening in some parts.

#31 - The Maltese Falcon

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Another one that wasn't what I was expecting. It was okay, but a little confusing.

#38 - The Treasure of the Sierra Madre 
Bizarre, from start to finish. Humphrey Bogart does an excellent job of being batshit crazy.

#39 - Dr Strangelove
Totally and utterly bonkers, but also pretty great.

#40 - The Sound of Music 
SO much longer than I remembered, but filled with the most amazing facial expressions. Christopher Plummer gives crazy good bitchface.

#50 - The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
While I love this movie, I still don't entirely understand why they'd put Fellowship on the list over the other two, which were FAR more interesting in my opinion. The Two Towers is my personal favourite, but about 90% of that is due to Legolas sliding down the stairs on a shield.

#51 - West Side Story

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Meh. I'm not a big fan of Romeo and Juliet (it's about two idiotic teenagers who've known each other for five minutes. It's not romantic. It's just creepy), so it's probably not surprising that this doesn't do much for me. It just felt long and overly dramatic, and the songs never seemed to quite fit.

#54 - M*A*S*H*
Holy crap, this movie is awesome. I loved every single minute of it, particularly the football scene. Donald Sutherland is perfect as Hawkeye.

#56 - Jaws
Considering how awful the special effects are, this has actually aged surprisingly well.

#66 - Raiders of the Lost Ark
SO. MUCH. AWESOMENESS.

#73 - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Pretty freaking fabulous.

#74 - The Silence of the Lambs

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Not nearly as terrifying as I'd always imagined. Also kind of fabulous. Although I wouldn't watch it over and over, that's for sure...

#75 - In the Heat of the Night
Sidney Poitier is a total BAMF. That is all.

#76 - Forrest Gump
I remember really hating this in the past. While I still found Forrest to be an insanely annoying character, I enjoyed this far more on the rewatch.

#83 - Titanic
Sorry not sorry - I really hate this movie. It's long and boring and gives me precisely zero feels. It actually pained me to devote three and a bit hours of my life to watching it again.

#89 - The Sixth Sense
Still surprisingly terrifying in parts, even if you know what's coming. Also, considering how young he was, Haley Joel Osment is kind of incredible.

#92 - Goodfellas

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Kind of fabulous and not really what I was expecting.

#99 - Toy Story
YES. GOOD. WHEDON IS A GENIUS. Sassy Woody is sassy. Need to buy this on DVD immediately and watch it over and over because it's made of win.

So there you have it. 31 down, 69 to go...

Which assessments do you agree/disagree with?!

K xx

Do you hear the bloggers sing?

Previously: it took me 16 hours of flying in middle seats to get from Orlando to Phoenix, and it was the uber-suck. On the plus side, Gina was there to meet me at the end of it.

My first day in Phoenix was a pretty quiet one, on account of having spent sixteen hours in planes/at airports the previous day. Instead, Gina and I hung out on the sofa watching the Food Network while her kids played and said hilarious things and were generally adorable. Gina introduced me to the wonders of Sandra Lee, and we both snorted with laughter at the facial expression of the woman who had to try Sandra's cocktail creation.

Other things that happened:

• I flipped my hair over the back of the sofa and straight into a burning candle. Which kind of defeated the point in Gina lighting the candles in the first place.
• Kid #1 telling jokes: "What do snakes eat for breakfast? MAC AND CHEESE!!" Me: "Well, who WOULDN'T want mac and cheese for breakfast?!"
• I fell in love with Gina's shower. Seriously, you guys. It's the best shower EVER. Made better by the fact that the shower at our hotel in Orlando barely did more than trickle in a pathetic way, even with the hot tap on full.
• Gina: "I kind of want to take you to Outback just because it would be funny".
• We watched the pilot of Firefly, and Gina's husband JD said "What??" a lot. 
• Me: "So I saw an episode of that show, Pawn Stars..." Gina: "WOW. That sounds SO much worse in an Australian accent..."
• Kid #3 wandered in with his blankie and his thumb in his mouth, changed the channel on the TV, hid the remote control, and looked at me all "What you gonna do about it? Huh?" and then ran away.
• I gave Gina a packet of Timtams, and over the course of the day, all three of her kids ran into the room, went "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" and then cried when told they were for grown ups. 
• We watched Paula Dean deep fry chicken and serve it in a giant scone/biscuit/thing with a pasta salad made with tinned mushrooms and a whole bottle of storebought Italian dressing. We both had the same grossed out expression by the end of it. 
• I spent a LOT of time going "Holy crap, this house is enormous". Because seriously. It is. 

The following day, we headed out to the Desert Botanical Gardens, where I promptly discovered that I'd left my wallet behind and had to be all "Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina, can you pay for me to get iiiiiiiiiiiiin??". Pure class, that's me. Once inside the grounds, Kid #2 endeared himself to me forever by dancing around Gangnam Style style while singing the Indiana Jones theme music. Because why the hell not?! 

Anyway, the gardens were really cool and filled with sharp pointy things and educational opportunities. 

Four Seasons themed art - Spring

Summer

Autumn

Winter

After we ran out of cacti to look at, we headed over to the Hole in the Rock for a picnic lunch, a mosey around, and a look at the view. Oh, and on the way there, Kid #2 (who, I should mention, had held my hand about half the way around the Botanic Gardens of his own accord) piped up "Hey Mommy? Next time we go here, can your friend NOT come with us?", which caused me to giggle non-stop for about five minutes. But I digress. THE VIEW:

Once we'd all looked at the view and all three of the kids had looked at me like I was crazy for taking pictures of a plastic velociraptor (Yes. I forgot my wallet, but remembered Clever Girl...), we headed back down to the car and headed over to JD's office to drop the kids off. Because Gina and I had important places to be, yo. 

What important place would that be? A screening of Les Miserables. At 3.30 in the afternoon. With Eileen and M. And it was freaking AMAZING. Why? Because we were the only people in the theatre, so the following things happened:

• We gave each of the songs a letter grade as they happened
• We turned "Do You Hear the People Sing?" into a sing along. The best part is that it happened organically, much like in the film. Eileen started, then Gina joined in, then M and I jumped firmly on the bandwagon of "THIS IS A THING THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN", because obviously. 
• The added-in-so-it-could-be-nominated-for-the-Best-Music-Oscar song started, and I stood up and went "Well, time to pee because this song SUCKS". 
• Crying during Eddie Redmayne's performance of "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" was actively encouraged.
• We established that "Bring Him Home" is awful and should be pitched at least an octave lower than it is. 
• M informed us that she would like to lick Eddie Redmayne's freckles. 
• We gave Aaron Tveit's death scene a round of applause.
• It was quite possibly the greatest thing ever. Internet friends FTW.

And once we'd finished our private, snark-filled screening of Les Mis, we headed over to Outback because Eileen and M thought it would be equally hilarious to take the Australian to Outback. There was a hashtag and everything, because we're cool like that. 

I called bullshit on about 90% of the menu (apparently Alice Springs is known for its quesadillas. WHUT), and then when it came time to order and the waitress couldn't understand my accent, the other three started giggling. Which then progressed to full blown hysterics when I asked for American cheese (only because she listed them so quickly that I couldn't remember the other options). The poor waitress was horribly confused.  

Then I ate my burger with cutlery because it was enormous and I'm a fucking lady well brought up, and Gina lost her shit all over again:

Stolen shamelessly from Gina's blog

Several hours and one shared Chocolate Thunder from Down Under later, the evening came to an end. Albeit with plans to meet up the following night for Mexipalooza. 

Up next, Gina and I get up at stupid o'clock for a very special reason.

K xx

Top ten movies

The other day, the lovely Gina (and yes, I will eventually get to the point in my trip where I stay with Gina and all kinds of awesomeness happens) joined in a blog hop featuring people's top ten movies. Due to pesky timezones and whatnot, I wasn't able to join in the blog hop (stupid timezones...), but I wanted to give you guys a countdown of my top ten movies anyway. BECAUSE OF REASONS.

First of all, I'm going to give out a couple of honourable mentions. These are movies that I love, but if I had to take ten movies with me to a desert island (which apparently comes with a TV and a DVD player and a power source...), these wouldn't QUITE make the cut.

Honourable mentions:
- Bridget Jones' Diary
- The Mummy
- Hot Fuzz
- Back to the Future

So, now to my top ten. And I'm going to copy Gina and include my favourite quote from each one as well.

10. Dirty Dancing
I knew every song from this movie years before I'd even seen it, thanks to the soundtrack being one of about four cassettes on high rotation in my mum's car when I was little. This movie is equal parts Strictly Ballroom, Romeo and Juliet, and The Breakfast Club. Or something...

Favourite quote: "I carried a watermelon."

9. The Count of Monte Cristo
Sure, it's a dramatic deviation from the original text, but it's definitely for the best. I love every second of it. Plus? RICHARD HARRIS.

Favourite quote: "Why not just kill them? I'll do it! I'll run up to Paris, bam, bam, bam, bam, I'm back before week's end, we spend the treasure. How is this a bad plan??"

8. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

I'm aware that most people's favourite Indy movie is Raiders of the Lost Ark. And that is a pretty phenomenal movie. But the addition of Sean Connery to the cast and Petra to the settings puts Last Crusade ahead for me. 

Favourite quote: "Water?" "No thank you, sir. No. Fish make love in it."

7. Mean Girls
There's pretty much a Mean Girls quote for every single occasion. And I'm fairly certain that every woman on the face of the earth can relate to it in some way or another. Tina Fey is a freaking genius, yo.

Favourite quote: "That's why her hair's so big. It's full of secrets."

6. The Princess Bride
If you don't love this movie, I don't think we can be friends any more. Between Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Robin Wright, Wallace Shawn, Andre the Giant and Billy Crystal, it's complete and utter genius.

Favourite quote: "INCONTHEIVABLE!!!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

5. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Yes, I'll admit it. I have an irrational soft spot for 80s movies and teen movies. Combine the two of them and you get this piece of cinematic genius. Everything about it is perfect.

Favourite quote: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
The original and the best. I loves me pretty much anything set on a sailing ship (hmm, maybe I should break out the boxset of Hornblower over Easter!!), and - as Little Miss A could tell you while rolling her eyes - I have a small obsession with pirates. Combine those two things with Johnny Depp, and you have pure genius.

Favourite quote: "I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all on me onesies, savvy?"

3. Jurassic Park
Like you weren't expecting this to be on the list. I have a plastic velociraptor named Clever Girl, for crying out loud! I will admit, when ten year old Kirsti first saw this movie, she spent about 90% of it hiding behind the sofa in terror. But I love it a little bit more with every subsequent rewatch. And you can bet your sweet ass I'll be seeing this in 3D for the 20th anniversary next month. And yes - Clever Girl will be coming with me.

Favourite quote: "Now, eventually you do plan to have dinosaurs on your, on your dinosaur tour, right? Hello?" "I really hate that man."

2. Love Actually
As much as ridiculous nonsense like Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve has tried to replicate this, all others have failed miserably. Love Actually is phenomenal, and Christmas isn't Christmas without it. Perfect casting, perfect stories, perfect overlap.

Favourite quote: "Hello, David. I mean "sir". Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. And now I've gone and said "shit" - twice. I'm so sorry, sir." "It's fine, it's fine. You could've said "fuck," and then we'd have been in real trouble.""Thank you, sir. I did have an awful premonition that I was gonna fuck up on the first day. Oh, piss it!"

1. The Avengers

I honestly don't know when it happened, but somewhere in the past ten months or so, this slipped quietly into number one as my absolute favourite movie. The combination of Joss Whedon, quiet possibly the most perfect cast ever assembled, a sass-filled script, the combination of humour and seriousness, and the culmination of SO MANY MARVEL MOVIES all tying together into one? Flawless.

Favourite quote: Okay. I can't limit myself to one here. Ready? 

- "I am Loki, of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose." 

- "I was having 12% of a moment."

- "Phil? Uh, his first name is 'Agent'."

- "Hulk? Smash."

- "You and I remember Budapest very differently."

- "I got red in my ledger. I'd like to wipe it out."

- "Doth your mother know you wearest her drapes?"

- "Puny god."

- "You people are so petty...and tiny."

- "It seems to be powered by some sort of electricity!"

So. What's in your top ten?

K xx

It's okay, my ass broke the fall

So. The X-Files season 7. Otherwise known as the season where I finally go crazy and start cackling hysterically at random intervals and then have a case of word vomit... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! 

File under "Things that happen in season 7". Also, source.

On with the thoughts!

• Scully is camping on an African beach in the world's most enormous tent. It's positively Potteresque. Giant bugs everywhere - NYARGH.  Mulder's still in the mental asylum. SNORE. Skinner and some dude are testing Mulder for psychic ability. It's like Ghostbusters, only less funny. Some crazy white dude killed his driver with a machete, and is now convinced that he's been brought back to life by the spaceship. Nope. He's just zombified and pissed as hell. The crazy white dude is found dead on the beach, and we get a TO BE CONTINUED.
• Now we're in Mulder's mind. He's sitting on a beach. Back in the real world, Cigarette Smoking Man is visiting. And he's injecting something into Mulder's brain. GROSS. And now CSM is doing a Jesus heals the lame routine. It's incredibly weird. Aaaaaand CSM is now channelling Darth Vader - "Fox, I am your father". GOOD GRIEF. Apparently Mulder can't contact Scully because he's going into some kind of witness protection? Oh. And Deep Throat is in his new kitchen, so obviously Mulder is hallucinating. Lame. Mimi Rogers just told Mulder he won't know what commitment is until he's a father. WHUT. I AM SO CONFUSED. This episode is a giant ball of WTFery. In reality, Mulder is unconscious and chained to a gurney thing while CSM and Mimi Rogers look on. Apparently Mulder is the key to everyone surviving the alien apocalypse. Or something? Now they're doing some kind of weird ass medical procedure to transfer genetic material from him to CSM?? SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EPISODE?!?!?!?!? Someone has left Scully a mysterious swipe card to the Department of Defence. So it's Scully to the rescue. Except that her version of rescue is crying on Mulder until he regains consciousness, and then hugging him. One week later, Mulder's sporting a stylish bandage and all is back to normal. Except Scully is crying more often. Awwwwww, apparently they're each other's touchstones. #SECRETSEXYTIMES There's a lot of face touching going on right now. SO MANY #SECRETSEXYTIMES

Best. Rescue. Ever. Also, source.

• This is like something out of Buffy. Yup. Definitely like the episode in season 6 where Buffy's working at the Double Meat Palace and people keep disappearing. Hahahaha, brain eating beastie who's using a self help video. AMAZING. Wow. This is almost EXACTLY like that episode of Buffy. Except with less silly hats. AHAHAHAHAHA, his ear fell off. And now he's at Overeaters Anonymous. LOL FOREVER. Awww. Suicide by cop. Shame - he was entertaining. 
• Oh, hey - it's a crossover episode with a show I never watched (Millennium)! This won't be confusing at all. Uh. Some dude is getting naked and undressing a corpse. WTF. And now the corpse has been buried, but is phoning the guy? I'm confused. You know, just for a change. Scully's pushing for grave robbing, Mulder thinks it's necromancy. But no. Zombies. And Y2K. Awesome... Oh, and protective salt circles. HI SAM AND DEAN. "Nobody likes a math geek, Scully." SCULLY JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A ZOMBIE. OMG. And now Mulder is in a basement full of zombies. Good thing he had a pocket full of salt for some bizarre reason... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, KISSING FOR NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Followed by Mulder saying "Well, the world didn't end." Definitely in reference to New Year AND the kissing. I am fangirling SO HARD.

In which there is face nomming. Also, source.

• OMG, Will Krudski from Dawson's Creek!!!! And he's being accused of murdering a sheriff's deputy. Poor Will. "Okay, bear with us because we're old and stupid" Ahahahaha, oh Mulder... MEG FROM SUPERNATURAL. This dude can either teleport or has super speed. I suspect super speed. Ew. He just crushed a teacher with a table and then impaled him with a chair. Gag. Um. So apparently the super speed is coming from a shaft of sunlight in a cave??? WTF. Okay, who ARE all these people who hide incriminating evidence in their bedrooms?? Especially if you have super speed. Run to the other side of town, throw it in a rubbish bin, and you're done! MORONS.
• Hey, it's Carrie Bradshaw's gay best friend whose name I can never remember! And he's playing poker with mob looking dudes. And Ranjeet from How I Met Your Mother!! Oh dear, they threw him off the roof. But he's not dead! Back to Mulder and Scully - FLIRTY FLIRTY FLIRTINESS #secretsexytimes. Ahahaha, some woman just asked Mulder to fix the tap in her kitchen. He turned it the wrong way, and got drenched. Scully has "I WANT TO LOL BUT I CAN'T" face. And then Mulder fell through the floor. Uh. Some hitman just tried to shoot Carrie's Gay Best Friend and ended up hanging from the ceiling fan by his ankle. And dead. WTF. Apparently this guy is super lucky. It's kind of like the episode of Supernatural with the magic rabbit's foot... 

Source

• OH GOD, IT'S THE CREEPY FINGER-CUTTING-OFF DUDE FROM SEASON 2... Now creepy guy has escaped and Scully's having a wiggens. A crazy preacher guy is hypnotising people to help prisoners escape?? WTF. Huh. Priest isn't actually a priest. He's a first degree murderer and he gets the really bad people out of prison so he can kill them. ARGH FINGER CUTTING OFF DUDE'S IN SCULLY'S APARTMENT. Scully is kicking his arse. He tied her up and went to get a finger chopping implement, but she's basically escaped and now Mulder's turned up to save her even though she's totally a self rescuing princess. AAAAND now Scully's killed him. EXCELLENT. Mulder has his "OH GOD NOT AGAIN, I CAN'T LOSE HER" decision making face on. 
• Ew. A magician turned his head around 360 degrees for a trick, and then ended up getting decapitated. Weeeeeeird. Oh. It turns out the REAL magician found his twin brother dead, and decided to pretend to be his brother while faking his own death to get out of paying back a loan shark. And also steal a bunch of money using Mulder's ID number and fingerprint? Good thing Mulder worked it out. For an episode about magic, it was surprisingly dull... 
• Okay, crazy religious people playing with snakes. This should be fun. Scully: "This is totally religion based. Here's a spiel about snakes." Mulder: "*through facial expressions* THAT WAS SO HOT. CAN WE HAVE #SECRETSEXYTIMES NOW??" Wait. Some guy who died at the start of the episode was infertile, but his girlfriend is preggers? Awkward turtle. OH GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS. The father of the baby is the girlfriend's father *double gag forever* SHE IS GIVING BIRTH TO SNAKES. MOTHER FUCKING SNAKES. I am literally about to throw up right now. Mulder just got bitten by a snake. So obviously, Scully is undressing him. Aaaand it just stuttered to an end. Colour me confused. 

Lucky for you, there are no "giving birth to snakes" photos. Have a Mulder
channelling Indiana Jones instead! Source.

• So my first problem with this episode is that I keep hearing this kid's name (Amber Lynn) as Anne Boleyn. She's been kidnapped, her mum wrote the ransom note in a trance, and her dad hallucinated that she's dead. HI, CONFUSION. Welcome back. Mulder's mum just phoned and was all "So, you're working on that abducted kid case huh? CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HOME". Random... SKINNER IS USING AN OVERHEAD PROJECTOR. AHAHAHAHAHA.  Uh. Now Mulder's mum is burning photos of Samantha and has killed herself. Mulder thinks it's staged and he wants Scully to do an autopsy. And now he's crying and she's doing the bicep touching thing. And there is much hugging. Scully is staying at Mulder's. I call #comfortingsexytimes. Apparently the kidnapper works at Santa's North Pole Village. Oh God, so many tiny little graves. Aaaaaaaaaand to be continued. UGH.
• SO MANY TINY CORPSES *shudder* CREEPY CHILD GHOSTS CLIMBING OUT OF THEIR GRAVES. This is giving me the wiggens. Some police psychic is claiming they were taken away by starlight. WHUT. He's claiming there's a 'visitor' in Mulder's room and that they want to say something. Oh, it's Mulder's mum. Mulder has "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU" face. Except that Dead Mommy's Ghost is behind Mulder. Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy. Okay, so. Samantha was taken by Cigarette Smoking Man, and had her memories taken, and lived as his daughter for a bunch of years. Then she ran away, and ended up in hospital. The nurse who treated her had the same dead kid vision as Anne Boleyn Amber Lynn's dad, and Samantha was never seen again. A ghost kid just led Mulder to a whole bunch of ghost kids playing. One is Anne Boleyn Amber Lynn, and another is Samantha, who's hugging him. He has closure - FIIIIIIIIIIINALLY.
• Ahahahahaha, Cops meets The X-Files. WHUT. And now there's an invisible beastie that may or may not be a werewolf. Now a police sketch artist has been attacked by the beastie, but the suspect is apparently Freddie Kreuger. The original cop thought he saw a wasp man. WTF is this episode?! Oh, there's a chain of attacks from people who've had contact with it? According to Mulder, it boils down to mortal fear. Uh, sure... 

This is the dude who gets attacked by a wasp man. Source.

• A whole bunch of super geeks are playing...paintball? Airsoft? Some kind of virtual reality thing? I have no idea. Now there's a woman wearing a dominatrix outfit? Who shot the last remaining nerd. I am so confused about the point of this. Mulder and Scully have been called in for some reason that is unclear. The Lone Gunmen are there too. Okay. The guy who got shot by the dominatrix woman is ACTUALLY dead, not just dead in the game dead. Uh. Now some whizkid who's contracted to the CIA has turned up to go into the game and kill the ninja lady. The ninja lady SLICED HIS FUCKING HANDS OFF. And then his head. WTF. Looks like Scully has another autopsy to do! The police have picked up a suspect matching the dominatrix woman description. HER NAME IS JADE BLUE AFTERGLOW. AHAHAHAHAHAHA. And she just made a Xena joke. Oh, the 90s... Somehow, Mulder's trapped in the game. Wait. The girl programmer created the crazy ninja lady for her own game, and she jumped games and is feeding off male aggression. WTF. Frohike: "Mulder's vitals are wiggy". WHEDONISMS!! AHAHAHAHAHA, now Scully has entered the game to kick some psycho ninja girl butt. Awesome. Girl programmer killed the game and saved Mulder and Scully. But the game brought itself back to life at the end.
• Oooooh, voodoo. Or hoodoo? Something with poppets, anyway. Some guy has been garrotted and the word 'theef' is scrawled on the wall in blood. It's possible I shouldn't be watching this at 11.30pm.  Scully's all "WHY IS THIS AN X-FILE?!?!?!". Mulder's telling her that the dirt man in the bed is hexcraft. It's all centred on a doctor's family. Apparently the dirt people keep finding in their beds is goofer dust. God, Kim Manners really DID use this as a source for all of Supernatural. OH MY GOD, RICHARD CAMERON FROM DEAD POETS SOCIETY JUST TURNED UP AS A MED STUDENT. Bad guy put the poppet of the mum in the microwave. She's currently having an MRI. Aaaaaaand she's been burned to a crisp. Gross. Doctor of the year 'killed' bad guy's daughter - she was in a bus crash the year before, and died at the hospital under his care.  Oh, gross. He has his daughter's corpse IN HIS BED. Whose genius idea was it to take the doctor and his daughter to a cabin in the woods??? Uh oh. Bad buy followed them and has stolen Scully's ID to use in a poppet. Which he's binding with his dead daughter's hair. GROSSSSSSSSSSS. Scully's now gone blind, Cordelia style. But she still managed to save the day again, because she's AWESOME.  

Creepy poppet making dude. Also, source.

• Some kid with cancer was denied medical treatment but apparently healed by angels. This entire episode just turned into a "Cigarette Smoking Man needs Scully's help" thing. Scully's wearing a wire, which resulted in a gratuitous super close-up of her bra. Uh. Now it seems that CSM is trying to play matchmaker between Mulder and Scully? WTF. Ew. CSM undressed Scully while she was asleep, and now he's bought her a slinky cocktail dress. Grooooooooooooooooss. And the dress is Boob Central. Apparently what they're going to be given by CSM's contact is the cure to all human disease. Contact guy gave her MINI DISCS. Which were blank. Apparently the whole thing was a scam, using Scully to get the science on the discs to save himself. What a pointless episode.
• Some woman just got attacked by a weird hulk monster thing and is now missing. Her husband found birth control pills, so thinks his wife was having an affair because he's had a vasectomy. He also found an old key in the pocket of her favourite jacket, so thinks she's with the other guy. Ew. Now there are ravens eating a dead body in the front yard. Guess she's not with the other guy! Now her best friend has found a key under the sofa, and a raven in her house. Oh, and the beastie is chasing her and her baby. But it's okay - her husband came home and now Mulder is fingerprinting the house. Wait. Mulder stayed with them and now the wife is grilling him about his love life over breakfast. AHAHA.  Dead woman was 4 weeks pregnant. BIRTH CONTROL FAIL. HUH. Apparently it was the best friend doing some kind of Jekyll and Hyde deal where she was trying to protect her family. WTF.

Who doesn't love being grilled about their relationship status over
breakfast with a complete stranger?? Source.

• Wait. WAIT WAIT WAIT. Scully just got dressed in the dark, leaving Mulder NAKED AND ASLEEP. ARE WE FINALLY GETTING THE REVEAL ON THE #SECRETSEXYTIMES??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! 63 hours earlier, Mulder and Scully are arguing about whether someone drowned in ectoplasm or margarita mix.Ahahaha. Mulder's going to England to look at crop circles. I kind of hope the TARDIS turns up. Scully runs into an Old Flame/Teacher, and has a millionty deep and meaningfuls. SNORE. Oh, now Scully's having an epiphany in a Buddhist temple. OF COURSE. Mulder's back, having found no crop circles. He's kind of pissed that Scully got all believe-y when he left the country.She wonders what she's missed, not being with Old Flame, and then wonders what if there was only ever one choice and all the signs led to this particular moment. And then she falls asleep on Mulder's shoulder. He wraps her in a blanket and goes to bed. Alone. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM RIGHT NOW. 
• Ew. People are having their faces eaten off by tobacco beetles. Apparently you shouldn't smoke experimental genetically modified cigarettes because you'll end up with beetles growing in your lungs. There is an awful lot of gross involved in this episode... The highlight was Mulder making a Hotel California joke. 
• Ahahaha, a movie version of The X-Files. With sniper zombies. AMAZING. Wait. Is that Tea Leoni playing Scully? ZOMG IT IS. Onscreen Mulder and Scully are getting it on. IRL Mulder is face palming. Ahahaha, Skinner has a friend who's a script writer and wants to make an FBI based movie. It's like Castle, only not. "Scully, do you read Greek?" "My Greek is pretty rusty, but this looks like a gospel of the life of Christ written by Mary Magdalene." Uh, yeah. Because  you could work that out with a rusty knowledge of Greek... I love that they're on vacation and they're still wearing suits. Ahahaha, Mulder is flirting with Tea Leoni, and Scully has WTF face. Mulder and Scully are talking on the phone while sitting in the bath. LOL. And now Mulder's on the phone to Skinner, who's also in the bath. It's hilarious and kind of creepy. And now there's a Mean Girls call waiting drama going on. LOL FOREVER. OMG. Apparently Movie Skinner has a bigger flashlight than Movie Mulder. IRL Mulder stored out in a huff. I AM DYING. Skinner has given them an FBI credit card for the evening, and Scully is giggling and doing the bicep grab thing. I call #secretsexytimes

LOL FOREVER. Also, source.

• KATHY GRIFFIN???? Multiple Kathy Griffins. Oh God. What a horrifying concept. And now there are Mormon missionaries fighting on her doorstep. This episode is ALL kinds of bonkers.  OMG Mulder just got sucked into a man hole. AHAHAHAHAHA. Apparently when the multiple Kathy Griffins end up in the same place, people get angry and start brawling. Uh, okay?
• Ahahahahaha, Marshall from Alias!!! And he found a genie wrapped up in a carpet, and then his boss's mouth disappeared. Ahahahaha, he wants to turn invisible at will. Except that he can't see himself to know where he's going so he keeps walking into stuff. Aaaaaaaaand he just got hit by a truck. And then a bike ran over his invisible dead body. And now Scully is supposed to do an autopsy on it. THIS IS AMAZING. Now she's making him visible with yellow fingerprint powder and she looks like she's having a total blast. Now Mulder and Marshall's brother are singing the theme from I Dream of Jeannie. Apparently the genie helped Mussolini and Richard Nixon. LOL. Now the brother has the genie. And Marshall's body has disappeared. Aaaaand Marshall is a zombie. Ahahaha. He's about to light the oven to warm himself up, but he put the gas on ages ago, so now the house is about to blow up. Yup, house blew up. Oh God. Now Mulder has the genie. He's all excited and Scully's all "Oh JEEZ..." Mulder just wishes for peace on earth. Which made all the people disappear. WHOOPS!! Ahaha, she brought them all back and now he's ranting about her being a bitch in a big meeting of Skinner's. LOL FOREVER. Hmm. He used his third wish on something off screen and now he and Scully are drinking beer and eating popcorn and watching Caddyshack. Is this his wish??? Awwww. Nope. He made the genie human again. Bless... 

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• Ooooh, time is spinning wildly out of control. And a deputy's eyes are blistering. And the green goo is back. Wait. Is all of this taking place in the same town as the pilot??? Mulder's under evaluation for spending too much government money. He just suggested that he and Scully start sharing rooms #SECRETSEXYTIMES. Oh no. Not Krycek again.OH MY GOD, IT'S FINCH FROM AMERICAN PIE. And yes. It *IS* the same town as the pilot! Awww. The X Mulder spray painted on the road seven years ago is still there. Scully's being all clucky over a baby, and Mulder has a "I should get her pregnant" expression going on. Scully's feeling sick, so has gone to Mulder for help. And now they're snuggling. Aww. He blames himself for taking away her chance at a husband and a family. And now she's crying. And now there's face touching. OH MY GOD, JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY. Ugh, Krycek's in town. Apparently God is an alien. LOL. Now Scully's stuck in the time sucky thing. She thinks she just passed out. There's more hugging and face touching. Back in Washington, Skinner's disappointed that Mulder went to Oregon against permission. Mulder won't let Scully go back to Oregon because he doesn't want to lose her (they're taking abductees). More hugging. She won't let him go alone. Which is code for "Please take Skinner with you." OH NO. All the missing kids had the same brain shit that Mulder had at the start of the season, so it's actually HIM that the aliens want. NO, MULDER. DON'T WALK TOWARDS THE GROUP OF ABDUCTEES IN THE LIGHT, YOU NUMPTY. And now they're all vanishing in a bright light and Skinner's all "OH FUCK, SPACE SHIP. Double fuck, Scully's going to be SUPER pissed.". OMG. Krycek just threw Cigarette Smoking Man down a flight of stairs and he's dead. Skinner's going to visit Scully in hospital. Now they're both crying. And Skinner has a really awkward cry face. Scully's all "MY MULDER IS GONE, WAAAAAAAAAAH. Oh and bee tee dubs, I'm up the duff." HA, SECRET SEXY TIMES.  

SERIOUSLY, JUST MAKE OUT. Source.

I apologise for my total word vomit thoughts on the season finale. Or, you know, ALL the episodes. But they were warranted! 

K xx

Movie Mondays: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

I spent a decent chunk of Saturday afternoon looking up trips to Egypt and Jordan for my mum, and being insanely jealous. So it's not entirely surprising that I'd end up watching the movie that made me want to go to Jordan in the first place.

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In my humble opinion, it's the best of the Indy movies. Sure, it doesn't have the giant rolling boulder of doom or the shiny gold statue at the start. But it has River Phoenix. AND Sean Connery. Checkmate.

Reasons why Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is awesome:
1. Petra.

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2. A John Williams score. You really can't go wrong.
3. River Phoenix.
4. X marking the spot.
5. Sean Connery.
6. The scenery at the beginning. Gorgeous.
7. Discovering why Indy hates snakes and where he got his iconic hat from.
8. Mr Donovan drinking from the wrong cup and the aftermath. Awesomeness.

9. The library in Venice. I want to go to there.
10. The tank driving off the cliff.
11. Decapitation by giant ancient blades.
12. The librarian staring at his book stamp in horror when it (apparently) makes crashing sounds.

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13. Indy meeting Hitler.
14. Henry's journal. It's everything a journal should be.
15. Indy pretending to be Scottish. And failing miserably.
16. The dude with the hat (according to IMDb, the character's name is "Fedora". But there's also a character called "Panama Hat", so I'm guessing they're just identifying people by their hats now) grins in this "Damn. That kid's good." kind of a way when young Indy escapes from the train.

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17. Fezes. Fezes are cool.
18. Plane crash by bird flock. All caused by an umbrella.

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19. The boat chase through Venice.
20. The Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword. You have to admit, that's a pretty badass secret society name.
21. The scene where they're tied to chairs and the room is on fire.

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22. Sean Connery's disapproving face when they're escaping on the motorbike.

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23. Escape by zeppelin. They're sadly underutilised these days. Although given the whole flammability thing, it's probably for the best. Shame. It looks like a very civilised way to travel!
24. John Rhys Davies, even though he's not in it nearly enough.
25. The leap from the lion's head.

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26. When the king of wherever the hell is all "Pff. I scoff at your jewellery donated by the finest families in Europe. Oooooooh, ROLLS ROYCE!!!!"
27. I will forever know the meaning of the word 'penitent' because of this movie.
28. Elsa falling into the abyss. She kind of deserves it.

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29. Spielberg. What more needs to be said?
30. It's so awesome that you can pretend Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull doesn't exist.

Plus, as always, the following quotes:
- "You call THIS archaeology??"
- "We named the dog Indiana."
- "I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog..."
- "You are strangely dressed...for a knight."
- "Only in a leap from the lion's head shall he prove his worth."
- "I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers!!"
- "What's this?" "Ark of the Covenant." "Are you sure?" "Pretty sure."
- "What does the diary tell you that it doesn't tell us?" "It tells me that goosestepping morons like yourself should try reading books instead of burning them!"
- "He chose...poorly."
- "X never EVER marks the spot."
- "Junior, I have something to tell you." "Don't get sentimental now, Dad. Save it until we get out of here." "The floor's on fire...see...AND the chair..."
- "Get that camel out of the way!"
- "Water?" "No thank you, sir. No. Fish make love in it."
- "I was just remembering the last time we had a quiet drink together. I had a milkshake."
- "Dad! Are we hit?" "More or less..."
- "And if you are Scottish lord, I am Mickey Mouse!"
- "Our situation has not improved."
- "Are you crazy, don't go between them!" "Go between them, are you crazy??"
- "Look! I've gone and caught a sniffle!"
- "Just like your father, giddy as a schoolboy."
- "You lost today, kid. Doesn't mean you have to like it."
- "Care to wet your whistle, Marcus?" "I'd rather spit in your face. But as I haven't got any spit..."

So. What's your favourite Indiana Jones movie? (And if you say Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, we can't be friends any more...)

K xx

Tag, you're it!

I've seen this little '11 Things About Me' meme floating around the blogosphere for a while. I've actually been tagged twice before, and each time I went "Oooooh, I MUST remember to do that!" and have then promptly forgotten. #eejit 

So when Emily tagged me this morning, I took the opportunity to actually follow through. And you're going to learn way more about me than you want to, because I'm answering ALL the questions from the three lovely ladies who tagged me! 

So here we go! 

Rules:
1) You must post these rules.
2) Each person must post 11 things about themselves on their blog.
3) Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4) You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post.
5) Go to their page and tell them you linked him or her.
6) No tag backs.
7) No stuff in the tagging section about "you are tagged if you are reading this." You have to legitimately tag 11 people.

11 things about me:

1) I'm really awful at coming up with things to say about myself.

2) I went to primary school with Kate and Pippa Middleton. #oneandonlyclaimtofame

3) I went to the cricket last night, and we ended up on the big screen. #okayIhavetwoclaimstofamenow

4) My books and DVDs have to be arranged alphabetically, or my head explodes a little bit.

5) Life without chocolate is not worth living.

6) I have the exact same thing for lunch pretty much every day.

7) I am an EPIC procrastinator.

8) I don't remember what life was like before I discovered Quickflix.

9) I was perfectly happy with my piece of crap Nokia phone until my mum got an iPod Touch for Christmas. Now I really want a smartphone, and am actually leaning towards an iPhone, despite having said for years that I think they're overrated #gasp

10) A disturbing amount of my music collection is now made up of songs that are used in Body Combat and Body Pump.

11) I once hit a girl in the face with a hockey stick during an interschool game. (Field hockey) The teacher told me to keep playing when I stopped to apologise.

And now the questions from the lovely ladies who tagged me!

Emily:

1) Best 90's TV show? The X-Files. Which I've just added in its entirety to my Quickflix queue! 
2) That one toy when you were a kid that rarely left your side. My stuffed toy dog, Spot.
3) What is your order at Starbucks (or if you don't go there, another restaurant of choice)? Small skinny hot chocolate.
4) What book are you currently reading? Are you enjoying it? To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Edge of Darkness. I'm enjoying them both a lot!
5) What was the last movie you saw in theatres? Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. GENIUS.
6) It's the end of the day and you just got done with class/work/etc. What's your routine? Possibly go to the gym on my way home, then come home and blog/comment/generally mess around on the internet while watching TV.
7) A big blizzard just hit and EVERYTHING is cancelled. What do you do with your day? Well, first of all, I'd panic because there's a blizzard in Melbourne ;) Sleep. And then watch Doctor Who.
8) When something BIG happens who is the first person you call? Sara. Except it's email rather than call, because she's on the other side of the world!
9) What is the one thing that can make you laugh EVERY TIME? The first episode of Black Books.
10) Your favorite part of the day? Sunset.
11) One fact you want me to know about you. I'm sad that we didn't get to meet when I was in Chicago!!

Vanisha:

1) When was the last time you fell down? When I went on a bushwalk with my parents and one of their friends up Mount Lofty. It was slick mud going down a hill, and I fell on my arse.

2) The last piece of mail you received (in the post) was from? Quickflix!!

3) Would you read the book first or watch the movie first? Definitely read the book.

4) The last place you traveled to? Internationally, the US. Domestically, Fairhaven.

5) What song have you got playing in your head? Rolling in the Deep by Adele.

6) Cupcakes or cakes? Cupcakes. There's a higher icing to cake ratio.

7) How do you spend your Friday nights? At ballet class!

8) Where did you meet your partner? (If you don't have a partner, where did you meet your best friend?) I met Sara in Guatemala, Ness at university, and Kat at Melbourne Airport on our way to Thailand.

9) Facebook or Twitter? Twitter.

10) What's for dinner tonight? I honestly have no idea!

11) What is your favorite piece of jewelry? My moonstone necklace.

Celeste:

1) What is your biggest goal for 2012? To get a job and move out of home.
2) What is your favorite colour of nail varnish? OPI's Bogata Blackberry
3) Who is your favorite character in Scooby Doo? I never really watched Scooby Doo. But probably the nerdy girl. Velma, I think?
4) Best book you read this year? As Celeste asked this in 2011, I'm going to take it from the books I read last year: The Hunger Games.
5) What is your favorite healthy food? Hummus.
6) What form of unusual transport do you wish we could use more of? (Eg. Unicycle, Hot Air Balloon, Gondola) And why? Zeppelin (filled with helium, not hydrogen!!). Because I always thought it looked really cool in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
7) Favorite brand of tea? I don't drink tea of any variety. Or coffee. My favourite brand of hot chocolate is Cadbury!
8) Do you know what Gallifrey is? Absolutely. Allons-y!!
9) What is your favorite Will Smith movie? Independence Day.
10) Favorite item in your wardrobe? Jeans. And my red heels.
11) Beauty product you swear by? Moisturiser with SPF.

11 questions from me:

1) What's your favourite everyone-I-know-must-watch-this movie?

2) What's at the top of your "places I want to go" list?

3) Where would you want to live if money was taken out of the equation?

4) What was the first CD you bought? (Don't be ashamed - mine was Aquarium by Aqua!)

5) What's your drink of choice?

6) If you had a time machine, where and when would be your first stop?

7) Mac or PC?

8) You can go to any restaurant in the world for dinner. Where do you go?

9) What's the best concert you've been to?

10) What's your favourite type of food?

11) Dogs or cats?

11 tagged friends:

Ness from The Teensy Tiny Insignificant Details

Kat from The Engineer's Other Life

Lauren from The Blog You're About to Read

Lozzz123 from Science, Spouses and Silliness

Gina from This Is Not Your Blog (and Fantasy Casting)

Deidre from Decoybetty

Lor from Late to the Party

Kim from Kim vs Paradise

Lissa from Take Me With You (and Lissa Writes)

Nikki from ca.pricio.us

Katie from Katiefoolery

Fly, my pretties! Fly!! *

K xx

* I feel I need to emphasise that I don't think any of you are flying monkeys. I just couldn't think of a better way to end this #brainnotfunctioningtoday <3