My poor little blog has been dying a sad and pathetic death over the past six months or so. Early last year, I was averaging a couple of posts each week. Now, I'm lucky to hit two posts a month. For the most part, it's because I haven't had a lot to say. But it's also partly because I've been spending way more time and energy on the Youtube side of things, which leaves very little time for, you know, using my words.
Still, after recapping the past four years, I couldn't let the Eurovision song contest slip by unnoticed. I've been horribly sick all weekend, and so didn't have the energy to do a full recap. So instead I present to you my 2016 Eurovision prizes.
On the whole, I thought this year was pretty disappointing. It was like everyone realised that with the US and China watching for the first time, and Australia for reals competing, they had to tone down the crazy and actually seem serious. There was a truly shocking number of ballads, and while some of the costumes were utterly cracked out, it was more...Beyonce than Lady Gaga. Which, frankly, was a major let down.
Still, there were a few highlights, so let's talk about those.
CATCHIEST SONG: Belgium
She's like a tiny human disco ball of energy, with diverse back up singers, fun dance moves, and a decent tune.
BEST DRESSED: Croatia
Not only was it one hell of an outfit on its own, but it included an on-stage costume change. And you guys know how I feel about an on-stage costume change.
BEST USE OF THE STAGE: Ukraine
This one was a little tough, but I had to give it to this year's Eurovision champion. I wasn't a huge fan of her song - though it's a very important song and I totally understand why it won - but the projections that accompanied her song were stunning.
MOST DRAMATIC USE OF THE STAGE: Russia
When this started out, I was all "Blah blah, you're just copying last year's winner". But then he took it to the next level, and I was gobsmacked.
WEIRDEST HEADWEAR: Serbia
It's a headdress made out of nearly 80 bobby pins. I mean, it looks pretty amazing. But WHY.
WTF WERE YOU THINKING: Germany
Dear God, Germany, we need to talk about cultural appropriation. I'm sure she's lovely but this outfit had nothing to do with her song and was just a bigass distraction.
VOTE FOR ME AND MY BOOBS: Slovenia
Holy hell, girl. I'm STILL astonished you didn't have a nip slip on stage.
HEY, DON'T I KNOW YOU: Lithuania
It took me a while because he now looks like a llama, but Donny competed in 2012. It's always nice to have repeat performers.
BEST USE OF PYROTECHNICS: Switzerland
She was literally on fire. No amount of fireworks or fire-curtain-things can compete with a smoking bodice.
BEST USE OF TONY STARK'S TECHNOLOGY: Australia
I actually really liked our song, but there's a chunk in the middle there where it looks like Dami's been borrowing tech from The Avengers, and I still don't understand it.
BEST BACK UP PERFORMER: Azerbaijan
The dude in the crop top armour/football gear had basically escaped from Rocky Horror, and it was HILARIOUS.
JUST POPPED BY ON MY WAY TO SOMEWHERE ELSE: This one was a three way tie.
Armenia looks like she's about to compete in a rhythmic gymnastics competition.
Poland looks like he's on his way to defend the barricade.
And Israel? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's on his way to a Fall Out Boy concert.
BEST SONG THAT BELONGS IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT COMPETITION: The Netherlands
I actually really liked this one. But it's definitely not Eurovision-y. It's Nashville-y.
BEST MOMENT OF THE COMPETITION: Mans taking the piss out of Belarus and his singing-naked-with-wolves routine by appearing on stage like this:
BEST SONG: Love Love, Peace Peace.
Look, I know it was the taking-the-piss song that they did at interval as a joke. But this was definitely the catchiest song of the entire event, and I liked it a hell of a lot better than anything that was competing this year.
So. There you have it. On the whole, I thought this year was pretty disappointing, and I'm glad I didn't bother getting up at 5am to watch it live.
Did you watch Eurovision this year? What did you think??
Yes, friends, it's that time of year again! I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights live tweeting up a storm. Live blogging on top of that was a little too much to ask, so as with last year you're getting a wrap up post instead.
Sadly, there wasn't a whole lot of crazy this year. There weren't even many songs that stand out as being particularly awful. There WERE a bunch that were just kind of...odd??...so we'll talk about those instead.
MY FAVOURITES Guy Sebastian - Tonight Again (Australia)
Okay, I'll admit: I'm a little biased here. Yes, Australia (inexplicably) competed for the first time, and I absolutely loved Guy Sebastian's song.
Bojana Stamenov - Beauty Never Lies (Serbia)
This is FREAKING AMAZING. On stage costume changes, a super sparkly Adele-esque lead singer, a catchy tune, and fabulous lyrics. A big fat A+ from me.
Mans Zelmerlow - Heroes (Sweden)
This was the favourite, and there's a good reason why it won: those visuals are STUNNING. I was a little afraid that it wouldn't stand up without the visuals behind it, but I've been pleasantly surprised by how catchy it is with just the audio.
Loic Nottet - Rhythm Inside (Belgium)
In the semi-final, all I could focus on was the over the top lighting and how it feels like it belongs on the Orphan Black soundtrack. But by the time the final rolled around, I was really excited when they turned up on stage.
Nadav Guedj - Golden Boy (Israel)
It pains me to put this on this list. Because let's face it - this song is pretty terrible. But it's a TOTAL earworm that warrants chair dancing whenever you hear it. AND HIS SHOES!!!! What even. Dammit, Israel.
Nina Sublatti - Warrior (Georgia)
If anything at Eurovision screamed "girl power anthem", it's this. Fabulous.
THE ONES THAT ARE GROWING ON ME
Ann Sophie - Black Smoke (Germany)
I didn't love this in performance. But I've listened to it a few times since downloading the album, and I enjoy it more and more each time.
Electro Velvet - Still in Love With You (United Kingdom)
I think when I saw this on TV, I was so ridiculously overwhelmed by the set and the outfits and EVERYTHING LIGHTING UP that I couldn't really pay attention to the song. It's definitely better without the visuals.
Lisa Angell - N'oubliez Pas (France)
SBS added subtitles for the non-English songs, and it meant that I knew just how depressing this song really is. The beige-dressed Les Miserables wanna-bes at the end didn't help. But without the visuals and the subtitles, it's pretty good.
Maraaya - Here For You (Slovenia)
Another one that suffered from distracting visuals. I mean, her headphones and the interpretive dancer with one leg glued to the floor playing an invisible violin? What the eff. But I think I've listened to it four times today, and it grows on me more each time.
Voltaj - De La Capat (Romania)
So this song is about kids who've been left behind when their parents moved internationally for work. Essentially, it's depression central. But it's a surprisingly good song. And, you know, it helps that it's in Romanian so you have no idea what the words are...
JUST STOP
BOGGIE - Wars for Nothing (Hungary)
Every time I hear this song, it sends me to sleep. Sorry not sorry.
Edurne - Amanecer (Spain)
Look, it's not a terrible song. But the staging just made it hilarious.
Elina Born and Stig Rästa - Goodbye to Yesterday (Estonia)
They stared at each other so intently when they were singing that I can't hear the song without seeing it in my head, and...yeah. Plus, the lyrics are kind of creepy...
Elnur Huseynov - Hour of the Wolf (Azerbaijan)
Dude. No. Ditch the interpretive dancers, and stop singing about wolves, yeah?
Genealogy - Face the Shadow (Armenia)
This whole thing came across as a coven of witches trying to recruit new members.
The Makemakes - I Am Yours (Austria)
WHAT DID THAT PIANO EVER DO TO YOU??? And what the hell is your guitarist wearing ohgod my eyes.
Trijntje Ooserhuis - Walk Along (The Netherlands)
Girl. You are wearing the love child of a bin bag and an academic gown. WHY.
Did you watch Eurovision this year? Who were your favourites?
Yes, I know it's Monday and I should be talking about movies. But Honey Badger don't care because I had three days of back-to-back Eurovision awesomeness over the weekend, and I feel the need to talk about it.
Unlike 2012 and 2013, blogging AND tweeting all three nights seemed far too much like hard work. Tweeting won out. And now that it's all over, it seems like far too much hard work to recap every single act from the three nights. So instead? I'll just give you my favourites and my "WTF EVEN IS THIS??" picks, in no particular order because ranking things is hard.
FAVOURITES
Austria
There's a reason why Conchita Wurst won. I wasn't sure about the song when she performed at the semi-final, but it turns out it's a total earworm and I've been singing it ever since. Clearly, the crowd felt the same because at the final, you could hear the crowd singing along with her during the chorus. I really want it to be the theme song for the next James Bond movie.
Portugal
They didn't make the final, sadly, but this is pretty much everything you could want from Eurovision - cracked out insanity, that element of I-have-no-idea-what's-going-on thanks to it not being in English, sparkly costumes, ridiculous dance moves, and a catchy tune.
Malta
Look, they're basically the Maltese version of Mumford and Sons, but there's a reason why Mumford and Sons are so popular. This may rapidly turn into an emergency dance party song.
Switzerland
This dude wins the prize for staring down the camera while singing. No matter which camera they used at the final, he was all over it. Plus, it's hella catchy.
Finland
Sure, they're all about twelve years old but this one is just so catchy that I suspect it will be on high rotation for quite a while.
Iceland
The Wiggles meet Eurovision! The dancing is particularly fabulous.
Ukraine
As if I could pass up a back up performer who's basically rolling around in a giant hamster wheel.
Montenegro
I have no idea what the song is about, but I was on board the instant I saw that girl on rollerblades in the background. Who knew you could make it look that much like ice skating?!?!? INSANITY.
WTF EVEN IS THIS??
France
There's a reason why you ended up with a mere two points, France. And their dancing reminded me a lot of Pop! from Music and Lyrics.
Hungary
Oooof. This is on the WTF list for a completely different reason to most. The song is really catchy, and the performance by the back up dancers is amazing. But who goes to Eurovision with a song about child abuse and domestic violence?!?!?!!? O.o
Romania
A fake circular piano??? I can't even. Add in the fact that the guy reminds me a lot of Jon Lovitz - who creeps me out - and the fact that the girl is doing some weird crossover arm nonsense and I came out of this one very confused.
Russia
How on earth did they get on stage with their ponytails joined together like that??? The presence of non-Jedward twins = NOPE.
Italy
I don't even remember what the song was like. I was too busy being concerned about my burnt out retinas. Add in an awkward shot of her groin, a keytar, and a really pitchy opening and I was solidly on the nope train.
Poland
Sweet mother of Jeebus, Poland. There are children watching this show.
Georgia
I have literally no idea what in the sodding hell was going on here. If you'd told me they'd been rescued from a commune outside San Francisco, I would honestly not be surprised.
Moldova
I actually loved this one when it aired, but the more I think about it, the more insane it is. It's clearly influenced by Game of Thrones. But why on earth does she rip her hair off???
So there you have it. Another year of Eurovision over. And we're heading to Austria next year!
Did you watch Eurovision this year? Who were your favourites and who was on the top of your WTF list?
I had intended to split this across yesterday and today, but yesterday was graduation, so I was eeeeeeeeeever so slightly busy. Here, have a picture of me looking incredibly dubious about the sleeves on my Masters wizard robe:
ANYWAY.
Let's start with TV shows, because there are only four new (to me) shows that I've loved this year and I'm pretty sure I've already blogged about how much I loved them:
1. Veronica Mars;
2. Orphan Black;
3. Elementary;
4. Sleepy Hollow.
Onto music. As I probably mentioned this time last year, I'm not really a big music person. I can't stand the radio, I rarely get all "Wow, I relate to this so much" about songs, and I generally have a policy of "Does this song make me happy? If yes, listen to song on a never ending loop. If no, skip song every time iPod attempts to play it" approach to things. Which means that I have a tendency to listen to the same 120 songs over and over again even though I have over 2,000 songs in my iTunes library. ANYWAY. Here's some stuff that got added to my "Press repeat" playlist this year, many of which I've been completely late to the party on:
Adele - Someone Like You
Neon Trees - Everybody Talks
Scouting for Girls - Millionaire
P!nk - Try
The Basics - Just Hold On
Darin - So Yours
David Guetta feat. Sia - Titanium
Mike Mains and the Branches - Stereo
The Basics - Hey Rain
Darin - Nobody Knows
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Friday on My Mind
The entirety of the Pitch Perfect soundtrack
Ollie Murs - Troublemaker
The Basics - Home Again
Emmelie de Forest - Only Teardrops
Yes, Eurovision is completely and utterly responsible for three of the songs on this list, and the gym is responsible for several more. Oh, and Ylvis has also been on high rotation in recent months. Because OBVIOUSLY.
What have you been watching/listening to a lot this year?
If you missed the semi-finals, you can check out my posts here and here. You can see all the acts on Youtube here, and all pictures are sourced from the individual country pages here.
We're starting with a choir singing an anthem written by some of Sweden's best known artists. And there's some kind of flag parade going down, like it's the Olympics or something. Only most of them are wearing white, because IT'S EUROVISION. Also, it's taking all the fun out of how insane the outfits will be. For shame, Sweden. FOR SHAME.
And now, on with the performances! I'll do proper stuff for the Big Five and Sweden, and a couple of lines for the rest, as they've already performed in the semis. On with the show!!
France - Amandine Bourgeois
She's wearing an insane fringed leather dress and it's kind of blues-y. Couldn't be more different from last year's French entry, but I'm kind of liking it. Although she sort of reminds me of Veruca from Buffy, so now I don't know how to feel. Gah. Nicely rock-y and very minimalist in terms of visual effects. A good start to the night!
Lithuania - Andrius Pojavis
I think I like this better than I did in the semi-final. The lyrics are still kind of insane though.
Moldova - Aliona Moon
Time for the insane costumes to commence!! I still hate her hair with a fiery passion. She brought her A game though, so at least the singing didn't suck.
Finland - Krista Siegfrids
Oh God, here we go. I'm pretty sure her shoes have gotten even more insane in the past few days. Honestly, I'm a little disturbed by how catchy this song is. Bonus points for the onstage costume change!
Spain - ESDM
Bagpipes. Which, you know, Spain is totally famous for... She has crazy sparkly eyeshadow going on, along with excessive use of the wind machine. It's kind of rock-y and I think I love it. Plus, their guitarist is wearing a bowtie. Bowties are cool. Her dress looks a little bit like it had an unfortunate encounter with a lawnmower. But it wasn't a sad tragic ballad, so...WIN.
Belgium - Roberto Bellarossa
I didn't think it was possible, but I think he's singing with his eyebrows even more than he was the other night. Wowsers. I still don't really understand why his back up dancers are so corporate-looking, but I think the song has grown on me.
Estonia - Birgit
Apparently she's preggers, which at least explains her slightly insane cone-like dress. Although I don't know why the footage starts in black and white and then switches to colour...
Belarus - Alyona Lanskaya
I think the cameraman's drunk - the footage here is totally insane. Also, she's sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiightly flat and it's killing me.
Malta - Gianluca
I think I like this more than I did the other night too. Maybe he seems more relaxed or something? IDK. He's still insanely squinty from smiling though. The bit where he went out to interact with the crowd was AWFUL though. Seriously pitchy.
Russia - Dina Garipova
The repetition of "ified, ified, ified" at the start of the song is still crazy awkward. Still, it's a song about peace, and Eurovision goes crazy for that shit.
Germany - Cascada
I can never work out how I feel about Cascada, because a lot of their songs end up as Body Pump tracks... ANYWAY. That is one HELL of a shiny dress. SMOKE MACHINE. She also seems a little flat and it's making me cringe. It's a pretty catchy song though, and I'm chair dancing which always results in bonus points, but usually leads to songs getting almost no points in the voting. So...there's that.
Armenia - Dorians
Still going with no. Too much double denim. And hand close ups. Someone really needs to talk to that cameraman.
The Netherlands - Anouk
I still can't tell if she's crazy pitchy or if this song is just legitimately insane. It kind of sounds like it belongs in a moody teen movie involving a boy with a crooked smile and someone with paranormal powers.
Romania - Cezar
Cezar, you are the personification of Eurovision. I love you. And I'm kind of obsessed with your song. And you nailed that performance.
UK - Bonnie Tyler
Oh, Bonnie. If you were singing Total Eclipse of the Heart, I would be totally on board with your presence here. Sadly, you're not. At least it's an improvement on last year's Engelbert Humperdinck?? Wow. Bonnie, honey. This is pretty awful. The UK *really* doesn't want to win, do they?! It's entirely possible that this is WORST than Engelbert. I didn't think it was possible. She HAS broken out the wind machine and a levitating stage, so I guess that gets her like half a point...
Sweden - Robin Stjernberg
He's dressed in all white and has Jedward hair. Things are off to a good start. The stage is flooded with smoke and he has back up dancers doing acrobatics. The amount of make up he's wearing is slightly terrifying though. His song's not bad, but it's crazy repetitive. Fireworks AND a curtain of sparks falling from the roof. He definitely brought his A game!
Hungary - ByeAlex
Ugh. Still hipsters, still a boring song, still all kinds of nope.
Denmark - Emmeline de Forest
I still love this song and her Ronan Keating lookalike on the fife and side drum. AND they just released sparkly confetti in the arena! Denmark are going above and beyond tonight.
Iceland - Eythor Ingi
Thor! I didn't notice last night, but he has awesome jewellery going on. And he just did a seriously hard core "throw the mic stand out of the way" move. Awesome.
Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov
This is still awesome, and I still don't understand how the guy in the box is doing all the stuff he's doing. Because it's hella impressive.
Greece - Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis
Oh Greece. You're still insane and confusing and brilliant. Love every second of it.
Ukraine - Zlata Oglavich
The eight foot tall man in a Braveheart costume is still insanely confusing. She appears to have kicked her dance moves up a notch since the other night. Although she still can't really move in her silly mermaid dress.
Italy - Marco Mengoni
The last of the big five. He's singing in Italian, so I have no idea what's happening. It's all very minimalist, and I'm not sure what to make of it. Yet another impressive set of eyebrows, but at least he's not using them as back up performers. I'm kind of loving his blue/green/teal suit though!
Norway - Margaret Berger
Her hair is as awful as it was during the semi-final, but the song is still awesome. And her dress is pretty great.
Georgia - Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani
Time for the only duet of the night. I think the song's grown on me? I think. I can't really tell, to be honest. Maybe if I wasn't distracted by her insanely sparkly dress I'd like it better.
Ireland - Ryan Dolan
The final song of the evening brings us tattooed shirtless men in very shiny trousers. I'm still a little disappointed that it's not Jedward for the third year in a row. Sigh. The song's not terrible, but the crazy dance moves are hilarious.
And we've got last year's winner, Loreen, as the interval entertainment. Awesome! Although I'm not quite sure why she's got wings... Oh. Because she was going to get hauled up into the air. OF COURSE. And an ABBA tribute, although no actual ABBA. Sad panda.
On to the voting! Hurrah, awkward satellite linkups from all over Europe. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm not going to go through the individual results because we've be here FOREVER. So let's cut straight to the good stuff.
The winner is...*drum roll*...DENMARK!!! It's ever so slightly disappointing because she was the favourite, but at least it was a decent song. And hopefully this means more people playing the fife into the future!! Still, I'm sad that Romania weren't higher up the points than they ended up...
For those who've read it, let's get going on semi-final 2!! Once again, you can see all the acts here (The former is mostly preview videos, and the latter may only work in Australia). And once again, all images were sourced from the individual country profiles here. Here's hoping Malmo delivers us less ballads than last night, or I may just cry... Latvia - PeR
OH MY GOD. The Latvian version of Jedward. They're wearing the sparkliest suits ever. And are alternating between singing, rapping, and bouncing around like idiots. Also, they have a keytar player. And a guy whose guitar has an iPad in it?? Awesome. We're already off to a better start than last night!! The song's incredibly repetitive but pretty catchy. WHEEE, STAGE DIVING!! That was kind of great, in a trashy Europop way. San Marino - Valentina Monetta
It's the girl who sang the Social Network song!! Only she's ginger this year. One wonders if her song any better than last year's trainwreck... Um. She's waving a giant glowing ball around the stage. So while the song is less awful, I'm still pretty confused. She appears to be wearing a nightie borrowed from Morticia Addams, with a nice ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGE!!!! billowy cloak of doom effect. Pretty great compared to last year. FYR Macedonia - Esma & Lozano
A t-shirt with a tuxedo? Uh. Sure? And OH MY GOD you have to watch the video for this because her dress is freaking insane. It's like the crazy baby of a sari and a flamenco dress. Awesome. The song is...I honestly have no idea. It's like a combination of 12 different factors and I can't work out what they add up to. I think I like it though. Azerbaijan - Farid Mammadov
You'll be thrilled to know that his eyebrows are less terrifying than in that picture. Which is a relief. For some reason, he's on top of a perspex box with a person in it. And said person is doing acrobatic stuff in the box. Ohhh. I think the person is meant to be his shadow. That's pretty cool!! And he's kind of adorable. And now there's a girl in a billowy dress with an insane train. And the box is getting filled with rose petals or confetti or something. I'm kind of loving this. Way to bring it, Azerbaijan. Finland - Krista Siegfrids
Apparently her back up dancers are known as "Team Ding Dong". LOL WHUT. Oh dear God. She's in a wedding dress and pink booties. And one pink glove. This is........awful. Even by Eurovision standards. It sounds like it was written by Anastasia Steele... They just pinned a giant sheet on her head. FIREWORKS!!! And ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGES!!! Her back up dancers just went from purple crushed velvet tuxes to pink bridesmaid's dresses. And a girl-on-girl kiss at the end. Because...of reasons?? IDK. Malta - Gianluca
SBS didn't have a picture. Thank God for the Beeb.
Apparently this dude's a medical doctor as well as a singer. Who's not?! Awwww, he has a ukelele player. It's kind of John Mayer-esque... He's very squinty, but he looks like he's having a good time, so I guess that's what matters? Another song where we have the lyrics on the screen. How thoughtful. Apparently the song is about not procrastinating. Whut. It was kind of catchy, but lacking in ridiculous theatricality.
Bulgaria - Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankulov
There are a shit ton of drums on stage right now. Along with Bulgarian bagpipes. One of the drummers has an EPIC mullet. Awesome. She seems a little out of tune. The backing singers look INSANELY bored and kind of awkward. Okay, now it sounds like the introductory music to Compass... Are they drumming with glow sticks???? ...There is now a guy carrying a giant face mask. Like, GIANT. I have no idea what to make of it. Iceland - Eythor Ingi
Bonus points for having "Thor" in his name. It's clearly hard to sound plaintive while singing a ballad in a language full of choking sounds... It's all very minimalist, but I kind of like it. He seems to be fighting the urge to rock out, which would be kind of great. He's got back up singers now, and is rocking out a little. You know, as much as you can while singing a ballad. Again with the weird hand close up at the end. I think the cameraman has a fetish... Greece - Koza Mostra feat. Agathon Iakovidis
Apparently we're about to get Greek music in a ska style. Uh, okay... The song is called "Alcohol is Free", which LOL. All of them except the old dude are wearing...Greek kilts?? IDK. And they just dropped the bass and now everyone's rocking out. Kind of like their song is the Greek version of the Harlem Shake. I think I like it. I'm particularly impressed by the guy who can RUN around the stage while playing the accordion. Because those things aren't light! Speaking of lights, all their instruments have LEDs around the edges. Awesome. Israel - Moran Mazor
Oh my God, Israel is doing a ballad about love rather than something about peace?? I can't even begin to process this. Or the fact that her dress is split to the naval and is like 50% cleavage... Seriously, I can't even focus on her song (which is in Hebrew, and therefore features lots of spitty noises) because I'm scared she's going to have a costume malfunction. MASSIVE KEYCHANGE. And her female back up singer has hilarious hair. And AGAIN with the hand close up. Someone needs to have words with this cameraman. Armenia - Dorians
Apparently this song is written by the guitarist of Black Sabbath. AWESOME. The smoke machine is working overtime, and the lead singer is wearing one hell of a hipster man scarf. He also appears to have a tea towel hanging off the back of his jeans, and a scary pair of eyebrows. Another hand shot. And another ballad with a slightly more rock beat. FLAMES ON STAGE. And a guitar solo! I'm not loving the song - it's kind of like the winner's single from [insert country here] Idol. Hungary - ByeAlex
Ohhhh honey. Could you be more of a hipster??? Good grief. And his guitarist has Jedward hair. Ten seconds in, and I kind of hate this song. It seems a little like bad karaoke - like he doesn't quite have the voice to carry it. With a different singer it might be okay. But it's falling flat for me at the moment. Norway - Margaret Berger
We're starting off with a seizure inducing light display. She's in a Pretty White Virginal Dress, but it's a bit badass-y with silver studs down the sides. She kind of sounds like she should be in Buffy, playing at the Bronze. I kind of like it. Although I want to brush her ratty looking fishtail braid... The song was pretty great in the end. Albania - Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko
Flames AND the smoke machine? We're off to a good start! It's more rock-based than your traditional Eurovision song. Mostly I'm just revelling in the Not Ballad-ness of it all! There's not enough head banging at Eurovision, if you ask me. A GUITAR THAT SHOOTS SPARKS. Excellent. I approve. Georgia - Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani
The guy that wrote this wrote last year's winning song. Hmm. Interesting... The smoke machine is working overtime. Her dress looks like it was stolen from the Queen. I feel like this is one of those songs that grows on you. But right now, I'm not really feeling it. Although they've added a massive key change and a shower of sparks from the ceiling, so that definitely takes things up a couple of notches! Aaaaaaaand the wind machine's just picked up to blow her dress everywhere. Switzerland - Takasa
The old guy in the photo up there is NINETY FIVE. Awesomeness. There's a marching drum, a flying V guitar, a double bass, and a trombone. And it's a rock song. How can you not be on board with that?? Their female singer has awesome shoes. I want them. And the guitarist is pretty cute. But the song was kind of meh. They're a Salvation Army band, that pretty much tells you all you need to know! Romania - Cezar
Is it just me, or does he look like a Romanian version of Rupert Everett?? The smoke machine is working overtime. And his costume is HILARIOUS. He has an insane range though. He's currently singing contralto and HOLY HELL. He also has some guys doing a weird interpretive dance in front of him. Now he's rising up into the air and is singing higher than I can. Whut. FLAMES!! Awesome - it's kind of like watching Dracula sing falsetto. AMAZING. Well. Malmo definitely kicked it up from last night! Which is something of a relief. Hurrah for less ballads!! Who's made it through to the finale? Let's find out!!! 1. Hungary 2. Azerbaijan 3. Georgia 4. Romania 5. Norway 6. Iceland 7. Armenia 8. Finland 9. Malta 10. Greece Are you watching the big finale tomorrow? Who would have your vote given the opportunity?? And - most importantly - are you hoping that ABBA turn up at some point???
And you know what that means - it's time for three straight nights of me blogging my way through Europop, onstage costume changes (PLEASE let there be more than last year), and excessive use of wind machines. HURRAH.
Eurovision 2013 is coming to you from Malmo, Sweden. I'm kind of excited that they're starting with a "Lots of different countries cover last year's winning song", because that song is STILL near the top of my most commonly played songs in iTunes. Not sure about the children's choir singing it though...
Anyway. Let's get on with the show!! (All images taken from the country pages here.) If you didn't watch it, you can see all the songs here.
Austria - Natalia Kelly
Oh dear God, shiny silver jeans. They look really uncomfortable. Also, she looks terrifyingly like Melina Kanakaredes. The song is kind of blah. She's a good singer, it's just not a particularly memorable song. KEY CHANGE. Of course it coincided with a seizure-inducing lighting display. Aaaaaand some use of the wind machine to finish. Obviously.
Estonia - Birgit
I have no idea what this song is about, because it's in Estonian. But it's a ballad, so probably something sappy. Also, she's wearing an ENORMOUS white dress that makes her look like one of those cakes with a doll shoved in the top of it. And excessive use of the wind machine. Because it's practically obligatory. SMOKE MACHINE!!! And back up singers in snazzy three piece suits.
Slovenia - Hannah
Okay, apparently she's American but now lives in Slovenia. YES, CRAY CRAY DANCERS WEARING FACE MASKS. And leather pants, because you can't have one without the other. I'm actually kind of loving this song, despite its overpowering techno beat. The back up dancers are now doing weird push ups and squats. It's Gangnam Style combined with an aerobics class. Oooh, added acrobatics. Nice. It kind of makes Hannah fade into the background though.
Croatia - Klapa s mora
The Croatian version of Il Divo in the house! Singing a ballad, because OBVS. Their costumes are pretty awesome though - kind of like Napoleonic era naval uniforms, but with longer coats. The song is about what you'd expect from the Croatian version of Il Divo, although it seems pretty repetitive.
Denmark - Emmeline de Forest
Apparently this is the favourite. We're starting with a Ronan Keating lookalike playing the fife. And we have another Pretty White Virginal Dress. And bare feet. I guess it worked for Loreen last year? Oooh, and we're continuing the Napoleonic theme as Ronan and another guy are now playing the side drum. Emmeline herself looks kind of like a less ginger version of Isla Fisher. The song's pretty catchy, I can see why it's the favourite. And now we're alternating between the side drums and something resembling a timpani, but on its side?? AAAAAAAAAAAND IT'S RAINING FIRE. WELCOME TO EUROVISION.
Russia - Dina Garipova
I'm kind of sad that last year's grannies aren't performing again. Instead, we have the Russian winner of The Voice. Another ballad? What the hell, Eurovision? Bring back the cheesy Europop, dammit! She looks a little like she's wearing a dressing gown. That said, she's got a pretty good voice. And back up singers in all white, because OF COURSE. She looks bizarrely like Khloe Kardashian, though. Oh. Her male back up singers just threw huge glowing balls into the audience. Uhhhhhhh????
Ukraine - Zlata Ognevich
First of all, the butterfly in her hair in that picture is bizarre. ANOTHER ballad? Uuuuuuuuuuuugh. Also a man who's eight feet tall (literally) and dressed like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. WHAT. Her back up singers just appeared out of the floor, Hunger Games style. EXCESSIVE SMOKE MACHINE USAGE. At least they've pushed things up a notch by giving the ballad a decent beat? Yet another Pretty White Virginal Dress. Which is apparently so tight that the only movement she can make is to move her hips from side to side... Aaaand FIREWORKS to finish.
The Netherlands - Anouk
Apparently this girl is the Alanis Morrisette of the Netherlands. And now she's singing a ballad. Either she's REALLY pitchy or this song has insanely wacky key changes every two bars. I genuinely can't tell. And it's either the wind machine or the weight of all the mascara she's wearing, but she can barely keep her eyes open. Hmm. I'm not sure how I feel about this song. Too many ballads back to back has drained my spirit.
Montenegro - Who See
I...have no idea what is happening here. There are rapping astronauts, overuse of the smoke machine, and some kind of compressed air shots?? And seizure inducing strobe lights,. And a girl singing the chorus who looks like a robot version of Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. I can't even. Still, at least it's not a ballad?
Lithuania - Andrius Pojavis
Another ballad, but this time with a rock beat and a leather jacket. That's progress, I guess?? He's doing a lot of singing with his eyebrows, which is kind of hilarious. I want to like it, but it's kind of like average karaoke. GRATUITOUS ABS SHOT!! I don't even know what to make of the song because he's singing about being in love with someone, but then talks about his shoes. It's kind of like the first year they were allowed to sing in another language again, and they all ran their songs through Babelfish at the last minute and none of the translations made sense...
Belarus - Alyona Lanskaya
She just appeared out of a giant disco ball in a tiny fringed dress and HELLO EUROVISION. Her back up dancers are wearing all white or crazy fringed dresses and there are fireworks and smoke machine effects, and she seems like she's a quarter tone flat, and seriously, you guys. THIS is what Eurovision is all about. KEY CHAAAAAAAAAANGE. And FIRE BALLS. Sorry I'm so capsy, but there've been so many ballads tonight that it's a welcome change of awfulness. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Moldova - Aliona Moon
Back to the ballads again. This time with piano accompaniment and a glowing dress a la Carrie Underwood at the Grammys. Her hair is rather more insane though. She has the obligatory male back up dancer in all white AND the obligatory stage full of smoke machine effects. Um. She now appears to be lifting up into the air on some kind of pedastal that's hidden under her dress, which is crazy long, so she now looks like she's three metres tall. WEIRD. How the hell is she going to get down from there?!
Ireland - Ryan Dolan
I have to say, I'm kind of sad by the lack of Jedward this year. That said, three years in a row of Jedward would probably have been a little excessive... He DOES have back up dancers playing the bodhran in tight silver trousers though, so.........there's that?? He should probably also considering not plucking his eyebrows QUITE so much, because they're scaring me. It's upbeat, but kind of forgettable. Aaaaaand an explosion of sparks at the end.
Cyprus - Despina Olympiou
She appears to be wearing lingerie, which is a little awkward. Aaaaaand it's yet ANOTHER ballad because apparently Eurovision hates me this year. It's all very minimalist which, when it comes to Eurovision, is code for "totally forgettable". Sorry, Cyprus. You do not get douze pointes from me, regardless of how many key changes you add in. There was also a weird close up of her hand at the end. What.
Belgium - Roberto Bellarossa
Another one who's doing a lot of singing with his eyebrows. Why do you do this, people?? It's weird. His back up dancers appear to be feeling him up, which is a little awkward because he looks to be about twelve. He has his lyrics on a screen behind him, which is thoughtful because it's hard to hear him over the backing beat and the fact that I can't focus on anything but his insane eyebrows.
Serbia - Moje 3
I...have no idea what these girls are wearing (possibly cupcake wrappers??), but they have awesome 1940s hairdos, so they get bonus points for that! And I kind of want their awesomely coloured patent shoes. The song is typical Europop, which is an awesome change from the four million ballads we've sat through tonight. But it's not great.
Aaaaaaaand that's it for the performances for semi-final 1. Who's through to the finals? Let's find out!!
1. Moldova
2. Lithuania
3. Ireland
4. Estonia
5. Belarus
6. Denmark
7. Russia
8. Belgium
9. Ukraine
10. The Netherlands
Did you watch it? Were you pleased with the results? Or were you, like me, disappointed by the TOTAL LACK OF ON STAGE COSTUME CHANGES?????
So first things first: I saw The Hobbit this afternoon and, as predicted yesterday, I'm going to go ahead and add it to my Best of 2012 movies list. Because it was awesome-sauce.
Moving on.
Today we're going to talk about the music that I've had on high rotation this year. It's going to be a bit of a weird mix, because I don't listen to the radio and therefore get most of my "Ooh, I like that song! I should download it" feelings from a) Little Miss A playing me something on her iPad, b) Body Pump/Body Combat classes, c) TV shows and movies, d) people sending me things I should listen to. So...yeah.
Some Nights - Fun. My BFF Megan is responsible for putting me onto Fun., and I'm really grateful that she did because I love their stuff. Sure, the video clip for this song is buckets of weird, but it's really catchy.
Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen
I know, I know. You'll probably all disown me for this. But if you can find me something else that will pep you up on your way to the gym quite like this does, I'll be happy to hear about it! Also, I'm going to go ahead and blame Little Miss A for this one. Because blaming things on seven year olds who aren't here to defend themselves is totally okay, right??
Gangnam Style - PSY
If you say you don't love this song, you're a dirty liar. Kim's responsible for this one, and one day, I'm going to have the money to fly to Wellington and hug her for it. In the meantime, I'll just go ahead and tell you that Little Miss A started singing it last week while we were playing cricket, and when I went "Um. WHAT ARE YOU SINGING??", she changed the words to "Heeeeeeeeeey, chips and gravy". Yeah. That happened.
Give a Little - Hanson
Holy crap, I love this song. Every time you hear it, you can't help but throw a little dance party on your own. It's gotten me out of bed on a lot of days when I just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep.
Eurovision Song Contest - Eurovision 2012
Come on. Like you weren't expecting this after I live blogged Eurovision three nights in a row! I've had a bunch of songs from this year's competition on high rotation this year. I love the winning song (see above) but I also love the French, Italian, Cypriot, Irish and Icelandic entries.
Doctor Who theme - BBC National Orchestra
Like you didn't expect this either. I'm talking specifically about the season 2 theme, which is also my ringtone. (My message alert is the TARDIS landing) I love the crap out of it, and when Give a Little can't get me out of bed in the mornings, this sure as hell can!
What You Know - Two Door Cinema Club
This one's thanks to Lor's VEDA videos. Another excellent song for psyching me up to leave the house for the gym.
Danger Zone - Kenny Loggins
Paulie and I blasted the shit out of this at least half a dozen time while driving to Canberra back in February. There's nothing quite like a good bit of Kenny Loggins while doing 110kph on the Hume with the windows down! Also, it's a freaking awesome song.
Hands - Jewel
I'm gonna go right ahead and blame this one on the finale of Dawson's Creek. I have no other explanation for why I've been playing it a lot this year.
Les Miserables - Original London cast
Seriously, I've been listening to a combination of this and the International cast highlights ALL YEAR. I'm not even remotely kidding. I love the crap out of it, and it'll probably be on high rotation next year as well. My favourites are The Confrontation, Red and Black, and Javert's Suicide. And One Day More. And pretty much everything ever. With the possible exception of Bring Him Home...
No Good Deed - Idina Menzel
This one's become one of my favourite songs from the Wicked soundtrack this year, and I have no explanation for it. I guess listening to a lot of Les Mis, I love a good soliloquy??
We Are Young - Fun.
Love love LOVE this song.
I Am the Doctor - BBC National Orchestra
This is what I set my alarm to if I want to get up in the morning feeling like I'm about to go on an adventure. And who doesn't want to feel like they're about to go on an adventure???
So I was going to do a recap of The X-Files season 6 tonight. But it's late, and I'm tired, and I don't really have the energy to type up a millionty pages of #secretsexytimes.
Instead, I'm going to show you just how terrible my taste in music is by hitting shuffle on my iPod, and telling you the first 20 songs that it plays. I'm kind of scared, because my taste in music is pretty terrible... Right. On with the show!
1. Pabst Blue Ribbon - Ceann. These guys classify themselves as Irish American drinking music. This song is particularly hilarious: Pabst Blue Ribbon is apparently the beer that you taste twice.
2. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac. How can you not love this song?!
3. Bust a Move - Glee cast. Yes, I have the Glee soundtracks. Shut up and quit judging.
4. I Want to Break Free - Queen. If I could go back in time to see any band in history, it would be Queen. Because no one can command a stage like Freddie Mercury could. And this video clip? Is spectacular.
5. Blue as Your Eyes - Scouting for Girls. I love this song. That's pretty much all there is to it.
6. Run - Stephen Fretwell. If you've haven't seen Gavin & Stacey, you need to go watch it. And then you can go ahead and download this song.
7. It's Not My Time - 3 Doors Down. Pretty sure this is a chest track from Body Pump.............. Eh, it's still pretty good.
8. I Am The Doctor - Murray Gold and the BBC National Orchestra of Wales. If you can think of a more epic way to start the morning than by using this as your alarm sound, please let me know. (And yes, it's from Doctor Who)
9. Pop! Goes My Heart - Hugh Grant. From the soundtrack of Music and Lyrics, which is AMAZING and you should all watch it. It's kind of like a song by Wham, except better because it's not by Wham.
10. You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi. All this song reminds me of is the New Year's episode of How I Met Your Mother where this is the start of Barney's 'Get Psyched' mix.
11. Waterline - Jedward. Yes, this is from Eurovision. It's still amazing. Nikki and I have decided that Jedwarding is the new Rick Rolling. #justsaying
12. Angel of Music - Phantom of the Opera, original London cast. We had this on cassette when I was a kid. And when I was about six, me and my best friend decided that we needed to write out all the lyrics on butcher's paper by listening to it over and over again. Apparently we were smart enough to work out the lyrics from a cassette, but not smart enough to realise that the lyrics were written in the liner...
13. I'm a Believer - Smashmouth. I suspect this came from a random mix CD that one of my little brother's friends brought round at some point... At least it's not the Monkees version?
14. Pain Lies on the Riverside - Live. So my little brother loved the CRAP out of Live, as did one of the guys who lived downstairs from me in halls of residence in England. Which made me homesick. So I ripped all of Downstairs Guy's Live CDs. At least this wasn't from their fifth or sixth albums??
15. Home - Michael Buble. I honestly have no idea where this came from. Possibly when I set up the home sharing network thing?? It's not a bad song. A little depressing though. Probably don't listen to it if you're homesick...
16. Sloop John B - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. I love the crap out of Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. Did you know they're listed on the Wikipedia page for supergroups?? AWESOMENESS. This isn't one of my favourite songs, but hey. It's a punk rock version of the Beach Boys.
17. Feels Like Today - Rascal Flatts. I think this one came courtesy of Megan, as did almost all the country music on my iPod. I kind of love Rascal Flatts though.
18. Everything You Ever - Neil Patrick Harris. This is from Dr Horrible's Sing-along Blog. If you haven't seen it, WHY THE HELL NOT?!?! This song is kind of heartbreaking.
19. Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult. Supernatural is to blame for this one. It featured in an episode from season 1, and it's a pretty awesome song.
20. Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jensen. Yeah................................. I have this song on my iPod. It's catchy, quit judging.
So, what's on YOUR iPod? Is it as bizarre a mix of random as this was??
It's finals night, kids!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! (Although also a small dose of SAD FACE, because it means Eurovision will be over until next year...)
If you missed the semi-finals, you can check out my posts here and here. You can see all the acts on Youtube here, and all pictures are sourced from the individual country pages here.
Ooooh, Azerbaijan is starting the night with fireworks on the harbour - awesome!!! Looks pretty spectacular. And very Eurovision. My God. There is some insane interpretive dancing in light up costumes going on right now. Have to love the home country's opening acts! And now there are a bunch of women in very pretty blue dresses doing some traditional Azerbaijani dancing. Oh man. Now there are guys wearing light up vest playing light up drums. But of course! FLAMES. Now there's some kind of Azerbaijani Riverdance. And a big dose of crazy eyes from the guy out in front. Wowsers. WATERFALL OF FIRE!! Wheeeeee!!!
Awwww, and now last year's winners are back to perform the song that brought Eurovision to Baku. As the announcers have been saying all weekend, he's the Azerbaijani version of Charlie Pickering. All the hosts are wearing head to toe white outfits. EXCELLENT. What else would you expect from Eurovision, where you take a drink for every white suit?!
And now, on with the performances! I'll do proper stuff for the Big Five and Azerbaijan, and a couple of lines for the rest, as they've already performed in the semis.
United Kingdom - Englebert Humperdinck
Dammit, now I want to watch Princess Bride. Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdiiiiiinck!! Ahem. This performance is kind of like going to see someone in Vegas - they're past their prime and trying to recapture their fame, and it's all just a little bit sad. Aaand now they've grabbed a couple from So You Think You Can Dance and chucked them into the background doing a Latin dance. Ooooh, waterfall of fireworks. And catherine wheels! Waaaaaaay too much vibrato on the final note. Sorry, Humperdinck. You did a decent job, but I'm not sold.
Hungary - Compact Disco
They still sound like a group that would perform at the Bronze in Buffy. I don't remember his jacket having one gold lapel the other night... A solid performance.
Albania - Rona Nishliu
That's still a lot of hair. And she still reminds me of the women from The Fifth Element. She's got a pretty incredible set of pipes though. Shame it looks like she glued an intestine to her chest...
Lithuania - Donny Montell
That stupid blindfold is still annoying me. but it's the closest to an on-stage costume change we're going to get. SAD FACE. Wait. What are all the stripper images on the background screens?? Did NOT see those last night!
Bosnia & Herzegovina - Maya Sar
Oh, honey. At least TRY and look happy? I know your song is moody and deep, but seriously. Hahaha, she had her eyes closed when the wind machine came on, and it made it look like she wasn't expecting it.
Russia - Buranovskiye Babushki
The Grannies!!! They seem more relaxed than they were in the semi-final. They're still completely adorable. I hope this song is number 1 all over Russia. I'm actually singing along now. That's how great it is.
Iceland - Greta
The guy is still crazy intense and creeps me out a little. She's still very smiley. The more I hear this song, the more it reminds me of Evanescence...
Cyprus - Ivi Adamou
Huh. The outfits look less bridesmaidy than they did the other night. Shorter skirts, maybe?? Ivi looks like she's having a blast. I still see myself making this a total guilty pleasure song. I kind of love it.
France - Anggun
Holy crap, that was quite the set of abs in the background. Accompanied by white leggings. There are a stack of these blokes. They're doing acrobatics. EXCELLENT. I'm not quite sure what Anggun is wearing. Like an armour corset with a mesh floor length skirt?? Aaaaand now the hot guys are carrying her around the stage. WAIT. ARE BITS OF THIS SONG IN ENGLISH??????? THIS NEVER HAPPENS. EVER. Wow. Acrobatic breakdancing. And now the wind machine has stolen her skirt and is blowing it up in the air. Interesting...
Italy - Nina Zilli
Ooh, Big Five performances back to back! Interesting... Starting off with a saxophone. How very 80s. She's kind of an Italian Amy Winehouse, but less drugged out (too soon?). Hell, she even SOUNDS like Amy Winehouse! The song's kind of catchy. One of her back up singers looks like Lister from Red Dwarf. And her dance moves make it look like she needs to pee. Awkward... She was pretty good, I have to say!
Estonia - Oot Lepland
YES!! He did the eyebrow lift with his eyes closed again. I kind of love you, Oot. He's got a pretty great voice. It's not surprising he won Estonian Idol, really! He looks like he's having far more fun than the other night. Definitely a good performance.
Norway - Tooji
Zoolander meets Jacob Black. I may be chair dancing again. I'm not sorry. They're still good. The crowd loves it. I'm not surprised by any of this.
Azerbaijan - Sabina Babayeva
The host country are up! Let's see what they've got. A girl dressed like an angel. Okay then. The fog machine is working overtime again. I think Sabina's channelling Celine Dion. Her back up singers are using their skirts as props. I'm actually finding the male back up singer really irritating. He's overwhelming her AND looks like he's sitting on the floor in a straight jacket. I'm sure he's NOT, it just looks that way. The crowd goes crazy, but...eh.
Romania - Mandinga
Aaaah, playing the plastic bagpipes while moonwalking. We all do it. Right?! If anyone in this show were to have a wardrobe malfunction, I think it would be this girl. Ooh, the accordion flashes. That's a bit random.
Denmark - Soluna Somay
I still like this. But on a second run through, it sounds like something that would fit VERY nicely on the soundtrack of Dawson's Creek... The double bass player is wearing a singlet top under her corset. Apparently she realised she was in danger of slipping a nip on stage the other night!
Greece - Eleftheria Eleftheriou
Uh. Was her male back up dancer doing the worm on the ground the other night?? I'm sure I'd remember that. There are a LOT of pelvic thrusts in this song. I guess it's appropriate for a song called Aphrodisiac...
Sweden - Loreen
Strobe lights are go! The crowd's going wild for the favourite. She's certainly making the most of the lighting crew. I like this better tonight than I did last night. Although I still don't understand why it's snowing... SLOW MO FINISH!!
Turkey - Can Bonomo
Yay, the weird vampire chain-gang sailors! Lots of eye liner. It's still weird. I can't stop paying attention to the crazy back up dancers for long enough to listen to what the singer is saying...
Spain - Pastora Soler
Another Big Five entry. She's wearing white - it's the Eurovision way. It appears to be a toga and a lot of illusion netting. The Fug Girls would probably cut it off at midthigh and add ice skates. The background screen is raining. Ahaha, she's wearing body glitter. How 1999! She's got a pretty spectacular voice though. WIND MACHINE and a back lit white dress. At least she's not 16? Holy crap, that's a long note.
Germany - Roman Lob
The last of the Big Five. Awwww, he's adorable. I quite like this. Not a winning entry by a long shot, but something that you probably wouldn't turn off if it came on the radio. Although it seems a little bit low for him. Like he's struggling slightly with the lower notes? I'd probably vote for him just because he's cute though. Huh. Apparently it was cowritten by Jamie Cullum, which explains why it sounds radio ready!
Malta - Kurt Calleja
Oh, Kurt. You and your one glove. Put this up an octave and Kurt from Glee could take over quite nicely. And do a better job, I suspect... "This is the night for Malta!!" Oh Kurt. I think not.
F.Y.R. Macedonia - Kaliopi
She still looks like a Kardashian. She's still got an amazing voice. I think I like it better than I did in the semi-final. Maybe she's nailing the rock/ballad combo better? And she could still shatter glass with that scream.
Ireland - JEDWARD!!!
They're quite spectacularly terrible, but I kind of adore them. I think it's that they can't QUITE get their dance moves in sync. Also, I keep ending up with this song stuck in my head. It's like the new rickrolling. Ahahaha, awkward twin high fives. EXCELLENT. Serbia - Zeljko Joksimovic
Oh hey. It's the world's most serious violinists. I remember this guy's instrumentalists more than him and his song. I'd say that's a bad sign...
Ukraine - Gaitana
Wow, her trumpet player is really struggling tonight... She appears to be nailing it though. Drag queens around the world are already planning their outfits to replicate this one. Hey, Gaitana? Sack your trumpeter. I have no idea what's going on. But he is TERRRRRRRRIBLE.
Moldova - Pasha Parfeny
Oh hey! It's Moldovan blacksmith Colin Farrell trying to pick up at a wedding! I don't remember his back up dancers showing that much of their knickers in the semi... Seriously. I don't not remember half of these ridiculous dance moves. It's kind of great.
Well. That's the end of the performances! Oh thank God. The hosts have changed out of their blinding white outfits. Aaaand it's raining confetti in the Crystal Hall. Half time act. Let's see what they've got. Oh good grief. The President of Azerbaijan's son-in-law. This promises to be terrible. Sweet mother of God, that's a lot of violins. And flaming torches. Storming Dracula's castle, perhaps?? Thor appears to be manning the drumkit. The President's son-in-law is being lowered down from the ceiling. He's kind of cute for a guy who needs a leg up from his father-in-law. Well. That was...interesting.
On to the voting! Hurrah, awkward satellite linkups from all over Europe. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm not going to go through the individual results because we've be here FOREVER. So let's cut straight to the good stuff.
The winner is...*drum roll*...SWEDEN!!! By a landslide. And the runner up is the Grannies from Russia - HURRAH!
What did you guys think of the final? Who would you have voted for, given the chance??
See you all next year for Eurovision 2013 in Stockholm. Or, you know, tomorrow for Movie Monday...
