Movie Monday: Bridesmaids

Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't cover this months ago. Because it's freaking awesome and I could quite possibly watch it once a week for the rest of my lifetime without getting bored.

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Reasons why Bridesmaids is awesome:
1. Kristen Wiig. She's phenomenal.
2. The flight to Las Vegas.

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3. The friendships. They're amazingly real.
4. Melissa McCarthy
5. The trip to the bridal shop.

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6. Trying to get Rhodes' attention by driving past a hundred times.
7. Maya Rudolph.
8. The awful dresses.

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9. The completely and utterly ridiculous bridal shower.
10. Rose Byrne. She's not usually a comic actress, but she does a pretty spectacular job.
11. Free puppies. I would kill to go to a bridal shower that came with free puppies.

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12. Climbing over Ted's front gate.
13. Sort of attending bootcamp.
14. Chris O'Dowd.

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15. Cupcakes.
16. Rebel Wilson and Matt Lucas.
17. Awkward engagement party speeches.

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18. Don Hamm. He does douchebag so well.
19. Fights with teenage girls.
20. Megan's attempts at getting Annie out of her funk.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick."
- "You read my diary?" "At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book."
- "I'm glad he's single. Because I'm going to climb that like a tree."
- "Oh, you live in Milwaukee? Oh, I'm sorry."
- "Help me, I'm poor."
- "This is such a stone-cold pack of weirdos, and I'm so proud."
- "I've seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial."
- "Why are you smiling, Annie?" "It's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kinda happy."
- "He was really sweet and nice and cute, so naturally I ran out as fast as I could."
- "I cracked a blanket in half."
- "I think I overcommitted with the whole dog thing..."
- "You have three seconds to get back to your seat." "You can't get anywhere in three seconds, you're setting me up for failure."
- "You're, like, the maid of dishonour."
- "We'd like to invite you to no longer live with us any more."
- "Shit, that is fresh."
- "Look at that fucking cookie!"
- "Why can't you just be happy for me and then go home and talk about me behind my back like a normal person?!"
- "I'll fix you a tuna fish sandwich." "Mom, it's eight in the morning..." "You can put syrup on it!"
- "It's a good tub. I slept in there on my 30th birthday."
- "I am NOT paying for this shit."
- "You are more beautiful than Cinderella! You smell like pine needles and you have a face like sunshine."

So. Do you over-relate to this movie too? Or is that just me??

K xx

It's a nice day for a white wedding

And it was - Sunday turned out to not be cloudy with showers as predicted earlier in the week, but sunny and warm. I'm not sure the groomsmen appreciated the "warm" part, considering they had to stand around at the altar for 20 minutes before the ceremony even started, but the rest of us sure did!

Anyway, to start at the beginning, I went out to the venue for a little "here's where you stand when" session on Saturday morning - the rehearsal was Thursday night, and I didn't get to Melbourne until Friday lunchtime. That was all pretty straight forward, although I wasn't particularly thrilled to learn that I was the first one to walk down the aisle - it caused me some degree of stress relating to how fast to walk and exactly how far over I needed to stand... Then Saturday afternoon, we went for mani-pedis. I begged and grovelled for them to please not touch my cuticles, which they seemed very perplexed by. The woman kept stopping in between every step and going "NO cuticles??" with a really confused look on her face.

Here are the nails:

Oh, and I neglected to wear thongs/flip-flips/jandals (I think that covers all possible confused readerships?), which meant I was given a pair of these to go home in so as not to ruin my freshly painted toenails:

The carpet they're on is dark green. That's how bright they are...

Classy, no?

The ceremony wasn't until 4.30 on Sunday afternoon, but I was up and at 'em ("Up and at them" "No! 'Up and atom!'" Aaah, The Simpsons. Always applicable...) by 7.30. We started the day with croissants and fruit before the hair and make up side of things kicked in at 11.00. That finished just in time for me to lace Em into her dress before the photographer arrived at 2.00. Then it was a whole lot of having photos taken in every possible permutation of bridesmaids before the car arrived at 3.15.

Yes, that's a stretched Rolls Royce

Then it was a 45 minute drive out to the Dandenongs (and let me tell you, riding backwards in a limo in the Dandenongs is not especially fun...) to the reception centre. The ceremony was gorgeous (apparently I walked down the aisle rather faster than was necessary, but oh well!) - Matt teared up during his vows, which made all the groomsmen cry, which made all the bridesmaids cry... The only downside was that I was standing on grass and my heels kept sinking, so I was slightly terrified that I'd suddenly pitch over backwards! But thankfully, I escaped unscathed, and the ceremony went off without a hitch (besides the celebrant calling me Kristy.............).

Obligatory photo of me in my dress

After the ceremony, it was a world of photo taking. The photographer made Em and Matt stand still, while the rest of us had to run around them in circles. It was FAR to strenuous an activity to do in 6cm heels. Especially when the running was followed by shots where we had to jump in the air, Toyota advertisement style...

The reception seemed to go very quickly, and I didn't cry or throw up during my speech - definitely a plus I think! The food was really nice, and it finished up with a dessert buffet. Total genius. Mini desserts = getting to try one of everything. And not feeling guilty about trying one of everything!

Mmmm... Lemon tart, chocolate tart and berry ice cream

Then it was all over - I avoided the bouquet toss (sorry Em, I know you're probably disappointed in me!), and didn't put my piece of wedding cake under my pillow (seriously, who came up with that tradition??). So, congratulations to my beautiful, wonderful friends Em and Matt - I love you to death and you deserve every happiness that life has to offer!

K xx

A cautionary tale

Right. Due to popular demand, here we have what I hope will be the most embarrassing story ever to grace this site. It's more than a slight segue from the usual baking, but considering everyone I've told it to has more or less wet themselves laughing and then told me I need to write a blog post about it, here we have it.

Several weeks ago, I went shopping for wedding dresses with my lovely friend Em. But we started off the trip with bridesmaids' dresses. The first two Em had me try on were quite nice, although we declared that $350 for a bridesmaid's dress seemed more than a little excessive. (Slight tangent - that shop, which was by no means illustrious - had bridesmaids' dresses up to EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS!) They were nothing near the colour that Em has in mind, but as an example, they served their purpose.

The third dress, however, was where things got...interesting. The dress in question was fairly hideous - it was a red satin thing with an empire-ish waistline and a v-neckline. Em had basically decided that a style like that wasn't going to work anyway, and when I put the dress on, it was confirmed. The zipper wouldn't do up all the way, which I assumed just meant that I was slightly too fat for the dress. Turns out, not so much.

When I went to take the dress off, the zipper wouldn't so much as budge. As it wasn't done up all the way, I took the straps off and twisted the dress around so I could see what I was doing. At which point I noticed the zip had actually come off the dress on one side. And as a result, it wouldn't come undone, regardless of how much I tried. So I stuck my top back on and my jeans back on and, with the dress around my waist, headed out of the fitting room in search of assistance.

Em tried to get it undone, unsuccessfully. So we called over one of the staff to ask for help. She was (in my memory, which may be erroneous) about four feet tall, and told me - rather forcefully - that I should just take it off over my head. Weeeeeeeeeeeeell, I'd already tried that myself without success. Obviously... And I pointed this out accordingly.

She declared that it was possible, and dragged me back into the fitting room. There, she made me stand with my arms in the air like a little kid while she yanked at the dress. And when mere yanking failed, she started shoving - punching might not be considered hyperbole - at my boobs in an attempt to get the rather fitted waistband closer towards my head.

She did eventually succeed, but it was the longest five minutes of my life. During which time Em ran to the other end of the store so I wouldn't hear her laughing (I don't blame you Emmy, I probably would have done the same!!), and during which I was paranoid that they'd have to cut me out of the hideous thing and then make me pay for it. It didn't come to either of those, but it was a bit hit and run for a minute there.

So the lesson learnt is this: when trying on rather unattractive red satin bridesmaids' dresses, ALWAYS check that the zip isn't broken. Because you too might find yourself trapped in a fitting room with a tiny Asian woman groping you in an attempt to get you out of the aforementioned dress :S

Here endeth the humiliation...

Crossing her fingers that she never has to repeat that experience,
K xx