Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

Totally not the edition I read. Mine doesn't even
have an ISBN because it's from like 1965.

I've loved Vanity Fair for a long time now. My introduction to it came in the form of the BBC's 1998 mini-series, which I immediately fell in love with. Natasha Little was perfect as Becky Sharp, and everything about it was basically brilliant.

At some point, I studied it?? I'm not sure if it was for Literature in year 11 or 12, or if it was first year university. Honestly, the only reason I remember that I studied it is because my copy (which is technically my mum's copy) still has some of my incredibly helpful notes in it:

I've read the book three or four times now, and I love it a little bit more every time I read it. Becky is a fabulous anti-heroine. Despite being incredibly manipulative and conniving and out to get whatever she can for herself, she somehow manages to be almost likeable and you find yourself appreciating the somewhat insane lengths that she'll go to. That said, the way she treats her son is fairly horrific, and it's understandable that a lot of people find that unforgivable.

The story that would traditionally be the centre of any classic novel - that of Emmy and Dobbin - is, in Thackeray's hands, somewhat foolish. Dobbin spends fifteen years pining away over his dead best friend's widow, rushing from India to England when a letter from his sister says that Emmy might marry someone else. And yet, it still takes another three years for anything to happen.

Emmy, similarly, is portrayed as simpering and ridiculous, seeing George as an angel, a martyr in Heaven. She prays before his picture every night, when in reality George was a philandering, gambling scumbag who only thought of himself and only married Emmy because Dobbin pushed him into it.

Thackeray is incredibly cynical and sarcastic throughout, with the authorial voice cutting into the story time and time again. And it's BRILLIANT. He mocks society throughout the whole eight hundred odd pages, He mocks the elite and how easily they fall from grace. He mocks polite society for refusing to see what's right in front of its face. He mocks poor Jos Sedley from start to finish. He mocks practically every character he created, and I loved every single second of it.

It's definitely one of my favourite classic novels, and I'm incredibly glad I took the time to reread it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to rewatch the mini-series.

Have you read it? What did you think??

K xx

Movie Monday: Sliding Doors

Oh, 1998. It doesn't seem that long ago, and yet it's so hilariously dated. Still, I have an irrational soft spot for today's movie, so...DEAL.

Reasons why Sliding Doors is awesome:
1. Gwyneth Paltrow. As a general rule, I'm not a big fan of Gwyneth when she's not playing Pepper Potts. But she's pretty great in this.
2. Monty Python quotes.
  


3. John Hannah. I have an irrational love for John Hannah, and this movie did nothing but solidify that.
4. The "what if..." concept.
5. Zara Turner as Anna.
6. It's so hilariously 90s. I mean, the costumes alone are a trainwreck from start to finish...

I mean, seriously. Also, source.

7. Bonding over milkshakes.
8. Jeanne Tripplehorn as Lydia.
9. The ending.

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10. Douglas McFerran as Russell. Especially the part where he just cackles with laughter at all of Gerry's misfortunes.
11. Humming the Beatles.
12. Lydia's outbursts.

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13. Conversations with the mirror.
14. A very young Kevin McNally.
15. Lydia standing outside the kitchen window.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "Okay, I'll go. I was getting a bit choked up with all the testosterone flying about the place. Best I get out before I start growing a penis!"
- "Everybody's born knowing all the Beatles lyrics instinctively. They're passed into the fetus subconsciously along with all the amniotic stuff. Fact, they should be called "The Faetals"."
- "I'm really not a nutcase, I apologise."
- "What are you doing two weeks on Saturday?" "Probably killing myself." "Excellent. What time does that finish? Do you like boats?"
- "Gerry, I'm a woman! We don't say what we WANT! But we reserve the right to get pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating! And not a little bit scary."
- "'Never make a joke about a woman's hair, clothes or menstrual cycles' - page one."
- "You want my opinion?" "Will I like it?" "Well, of course not! It'll be based in reality."
- "Anna, I'm over him! What do you mean I'm not? How do you know I'm not?" "Well, two things really. One, you're still counting how long you've been apart in days - and probably hours and minutes - but the big-flashing-red-light way of telling you're not really over someone is when you're still reading their horoscope in the hope that they're going to get wiped out in some freak napalming incident." "Smartarse!" "What is he?" "A wanker. Oh. Aries." "Aries... Aries... well, just shows how much I know. "With Mars your ruler in the ascendancy, you will get wiped out in a freak napalming incident and Helen says bollocks to you." This guy's very good."
- "Come on! If you don't drink your fatty drinks, you'll never really achieve quality cellulite."
- "Put a wick in her mouth and she'd burn for a fortnight."
- "I kissed you." "Yeah. Yeah, I spotted that too."

What do you think?

K xx

Movie Monday: Muriel's Wedding

It was Australia Day yesterday, and so it's only appropriate that I watch one of the greatest Australian films of all time - Muriel's Wedding. If you haven't seen it, SHAME ON YOU. Go and watch it immediately.

Reasons why Muriel's Wedding is awesome:
1. Toni Collette. She is absolutely fantastic from start to finish.
2. ABBA.

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3. The hair, oh my God.
4. Rachel Griffiths. AMAZING.

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5. Watching Charles and Diana's wedding on a loop at work.
6. Brice's awkward attempts at dancing.
7. Matt Day. He's just adorable.
8. The Hibiscus Island talent quest.

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9. Bill Hunter, even though he's an asshat.
10. Jeanie Drynan. She's amazing. Betty is the most completely and utterly heartbreaking character. She's effectively shat upon by every single character, and will inevitably give you All the Feels.
11. Being "rescued" by naked American sailors.

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12. Insane bridesmaids dresses
13. Joanie. She's hilarious.
14. Deirdre's bonkers outfits.
15. This scene:

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16. Finding a husband in the newspaper.
17. Toni Collette's facial expressions.
18. Sophie Lee. Oh my God, Sophie Lee.

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19. Muriel's insane wedding tiara thingie. It looks like it's made of tinsel.
20. The bridesmaids trying to walk down the aisle in time to ABBA. Hilarious.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "You're terrible, Muriel."
- "Can you look at that dry cleaners over there, please?"
- "I have to tell you something... I'm a parking inspector."
- "I've got a job interview next week. An apprentice locksmith."
- "What am I supposed to do? I'm a briiiide, I'm supposed to be euphoric!"
- "I hope the photos help your sister out of that coma!"
- "I'M NOT NOTHING!"
- "Give her a blank cheque for the cosmetics." "A blank cheque? How much for?"
- "Why don't you come have a drink with us?" "You want to have a drink with me?" "Well, yeah. We wouldn't want you to spend the entire holiday alone. It's not like in high school where you should feel you're not good enough to talk to us." "I don't." "If I feel you've changed, I'll tell you. I'm honest. Unlike some people, I tell it like it is." "The truth? I tell the truth too. Nicole's having an affair with Chook. Muriel saw them fucking in the laundry room on your wedding day. Stick your drink up your ass, Tania! I'd rather swallow razor blades than have a drink with you. Oh, by the way... I'm not alone. I'm with Muriel."
- "I had cancer... it's all right, they cut it out." "You were so full of life." "I'm not DEAD, Cheryl."
- "Deirdre Chambers, what a coincidence!"
- "Did Perry interview for the police force yet?" "Yes, but they said he couldn't join because he was too tall."
- "Bikkie?" "Maybe after...later."
- "Mariel, how did you feel when Kieran Perkins took gold for Australia in Barcelona?" "...Who?"
- "I'm married. I'm beautiful!!"

Do yourself a favour and watch it immediately. (You can stream it on Netflix and everything, America!)

K xx

Movie Monday: Scream

Given that it's Halloween on Thursday, this seemed an appropriate choice. I'm an epic wuss when it comes to all things spooky. There are still occasions when I watch Supernatural from behind a pillow/my hands. So when it comes to horror movies, I'm firmly on the Nope Train. Except when it comes to Scream. Because way back in the dim dark past of 1999, the English curriculum included something called a Communication Project. We had to form pairs or threes, and develop a project that required us to work with others from outside the school to do something like hold a masquerade ball or a formal, or put on a play, or host a presentation about something.

Em and I decided that we were going to make a spoof version of a horror movie. And we decided on Scream. We watched it approximately 500 times while writing our script, roped a bunch of friends into starring in it, and then filmed about two scenes because it took FOREVER to do anything. How we were planning on editing our movie, I have no idea...

ANYWAY. That's a really long winded story about why I love the crap out of Scream when I can't stand horror movies.

Reasons why Scream is awesome:
1. Drew Barrymore. She may only be in one scene, but it's a pretty damned fabulous scene.

2. Murder-y trivia competitions.
3. Neve Campbell. She doesn't stand around screaming when she gets attacked. She fights back every step of the way.
4. The ridiculous costume Ghostface wears.
5. Matthew Lillard. He's so fabulous at being an asshat. And this line is solid gold:

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6. Cell phones as a giveaway that someone might be the murderer.
7. David Arquette and Courtney Cox.
8. Sid punching Gale in the face.

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9. Ridiculously oversized scissors.
10. Henry Winkler. That's right, the Fonz is in it. And he's fabulously awful.
11. Video stores.
12. Rose McGowan.
13. Speaking of, let's add death by garage door.

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14. Sid impaling Billy with an umbrella spike.
15. Death by giant 90s television.
16. The hilariously awful 90s costumes. Especially Gale's.

WHAT IS THIS SUIT??? Also, source.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "That is SO sexist. The killer could easily be female!"
- "Liver alone! Liver, liver. It was a joke..."
- "He's my superior!" "The janitor is your superior."
- "How does it feel to be almost brutally butchered?"
- "Oh, now that's in poor taste. If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath, would you be standing in the horror section?"
- "There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex." "BOOOOOOOOOO" "BIG NO NO! BIG NO NO! Sex equals death, okay? Number two: you can never drink or do drugs. The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back." "I'm gettin' another beer, you want one?" "Yeah, sure." "I'll be right back."
"See, you push the laws and you end up dead. Okay, I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife."
- "There's a formula to it, a very simple formula. EVERYBODY'S A SUSPECT!"
- "Careful. This is the moment when the supposedly dead killer comes back to life, for one last scare." "Not in my movie."
- "You sick fucks. You've seen one too many movies!" "Now Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative!"
- "Where do you get this shit?" "Ricki Lake."

What's your favourite scary movie?

K xx

Movie Monday: Persuasion

You guys know that I loves me a costume drama, and this one is one of my favourites. It's not readily available on DVD (my copy was recorded off TV like five years ago and burnt to DVD from there, so the quality is craptastic), but if you can get hold of a copy it's VERY worth watching. It's interesting in that it was made in the same year as the beloved Colin Firth BBC Pride and Prejudice, but has a completely different feel.

Reasons why Persuasion is awesome:
1. Amanda Root as Anne Elliot. She's absolutely brilliant, especially the way she gradually brings the character out of her shell over the course of the film.
2. Ciaran Hinds as Frederick Wentworth.

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3. The music.
4. The opening contrasts between the lives of the navy and the nobility.
5. Corin Redgrave as Sir Walter Elliot. He. Is. FABULOUS.
6. I love that the costumes and the hairstyles are far less ornate than those in Pride and Prejudice.

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7. The lighting during the evening scenes. It's something approaching authentic.
8. Phoebe Nicholls as Elizabeth Elliot. She's the epitome of the fantastic awfulness that is Austen's character.
9. Love letters in the shape of boats.
10. The Musgroves.

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11. Anne's sneaky eye rolls in the background when Mary acts like an idiot.
12. Mrs. Croft. She's pretty much a Regency era feminist.
13. Oblivious strolling through Bath.

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14. Lyme and everything that happens.
15. The scene in the tea shop.
16. Causing a scene at the concert.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "Women without children are the very best preservers of furniture."
- "I hate to hear you talking about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures; we none of us want to be in calm waters all our lives."
- "Are you here for the concert?" "No, I'm here for a lecture on navigation. Am I in the wrong place?"
- "Poor Phoebe, she would not have forgotten him so soon. It was not in her nature." "It would not be in the nature of any woman who truly loved." "Do you claim that for your sex?" "We do not forget you as soon as you forget us. We cannot help ourselves. We live at home, quiet, confined, and our feelings prey upon us. You always have business of some sort or other to take you back into the world." "I won't allow it to be any more man's nature than women's to be inconstant or to forget those they love or have loved. I believe the reverse. I believe... Let me just observe that all histories are against you, all stories, prose, and verse. I do not think I ever opened a book in my life which did not have something to say on women's fickleness." "But they were all written by men."
- "If I may, so long as the woman you love lives, and lives for you, all the privilege I claim for my own sex, and it is not a very enviable one - you need not covet it, is that of loving longest when all hope is gone."
- "Anne? You want to marry Anne? Whatever for??"
- "Have you thought any more about my offer?" "What offer was that?" "My offer to flatter and adore you all the days of your life." "I haven't had a moment, Mr Elliot, to turn my mind to it."
- "I strongly object to the Navy. It brings people of obscure birth into undue distinction and it cuts up a man's youth and vigor most horribly!"
- "Could you not put off this old person until tomorrow?"
- "You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever."

Have you seen it? Or have you seen the 2007 version? If both, which did you prefer?

K xx

Movie Monday: Twister

Remember when I said that I delved all the way to the back of my movie collection last week? Yeah, I discovered this piece of 90s genius languishing back there, and felt the need to rewatch it because it's kind of stupid but also sort of fabulous.

Reasons why Twister is awesome:
1. Helen Hunt. She's hilariously sassy.

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2. The crew singing "Oklahoma" as they drive towards a twister.
3. Bill Paxton.
4. The synopsis on IMDB: "Bill and Jo Harding, advanced storm chasers on the brink of divorce, must join together to create an advanced weather alert system by putting themselves in the cross-hairs of extremely violent tornadoes." AMAZINGLY AWFUL.
5. Philip Seymour Hoffman. Genius.

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6. The hilariously dated CGI.
7. Cary Elwes.
8. The technology. LOL FOREVER.
9. Alan Ruck. If you don't love Alan Ruck, I'm not sure we can be friends.

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10. Jo repeatedly judging Bill's driving.
11. Jami Gertz.
12. It was written by Michael Crichton and his wife, and was edited by (among others) Joss Whedon.
13. The awesome sculptures at Jo's aunt's house.

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14. Booing Jonas' TV interviews.
15. Lois Smith. She's fabulous.
16. Driving out of the cornfield just as Jonas' team drive past.
17. Cows.

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18. Bill going back into the house for the dog.
19. The petrol tanker of explodingness.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "Kansas is a mess, there's a big crease right through Wichita. ROLL the maps."
- "There's only been Melissa since you." "Wow, not much for browsing, are you?"
- "The Suck Zone. It's the point, basically, at which the twister sucks you up. That's not the technical term for it, obviously."
- "Hey man, what is your major malfunction?"
- [as the truck drifts off the road] "Can I drive?" "No!" "Then would you?"
- "She didn't marry your penis! ...Okay, she didn't ONLY marry your penis."
- "He really is in love with himself. I thought it was just a summer thing."
- "Cow... 'Nother cow..." "Actually, I think that was the same one."
- "In a severe lightning storm, you want to grab your ankles and stick your butt in the air."
- "Honey, this is a tissue of lies. See, there was another Bill, an evil Bill. And I killed him."
- "Have you lost your nerve?" "Tighten your seatbelt."
- "Don't worry about me. I know my way home."
- "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!"
- "What was it like?" "......Windy."
- "I can drive myself!" "Honey? Your car is in a tree around the corner..." "........Oh."

Have you seen it recently? If so, what did you think fifteen years on?

K xx

Movie Monday: Can't Hardly Wait

So I had plans to do a movie of slightly more substance this week, but I spent two and a half hours last night watching Saving Private Ryan, which - while excellent - is completely traumatising and not Movie Monday material. As a result, my brain (and my tear ducts) cannot cope with movies of substance, so it's time to delve into the teen movie vault again. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Reasons why Can't Hardly Wait is awesome:
1. Seth Green. Hands down my favourite thing about this movie.

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2. It's completely and utterly ridiculous.
3. Ethan Embry. Giant buckets of awkward adorableness.
4. It's so freaking 90s.
5. The year book style introductions to each character.

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6. Lauren Ambrose. She's brilliantly sassy.
7. Descriptive flashbacks.
8. It's pretty much a "before they were famous" slideshow - Peter Facinelli, Jaime Pressley, Sean Patrick Thomas, Tamala Jones, Donald Faison, Jason Segel, Selma Blair.

Yes, that's Carlisle Cullen shoving Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Source.

9. Insane cameos - Jenna Elfman, Melissa Joan Hart, Jerry O'Connell, Breckin Meyer.
10. Nerd plans.
11. Teaching the exchange student to say really awful things.
12. The soundtrack.
13. Denise sitting by herself on the sofa. That's pretty much me at a party.

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14. At least half the random background characters turn up in Buffy at some point. Seriously.
15. How the letter ends up in front of Amanda.
16. Acting out Star Wars on the roof.
17. Reunion tours before they've even played a gig.
18. The on-screen "Where are they now?" stories.

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19. The kid who randomly steals stuff throughout the duration of the movie.
20. Charlie Korsmo. He's pretty hilarious. (You may know him better as Jack from Hook)

Plus, the following quotes:
- "Oh, I'M the weirdo? You're the one calling Barry Manilow from a phone booth at 2am!"
- "You know what? My retainer kind of looks like a Klingon warship."
- "That is a "Fragrance of Love" scented candle, bitch!"
- "His wardrobe alone leaves him open for public mockery."
- "I can't feel my legs. I HAVE NO LEGS!!"
- "I did not write 'Denise Fleming is a tampon' on your locker."
- "Nobody drink the beer, the beer has gone bad!"
- "Damn, she's gonna think I've got that premature evacuation!"
- "You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us."
- "Hey dude, did you hear? I'm naked under my gown!"

Have you seen it? If so, what do you think?

K xx

Movie Monday: Never Been Kissed

Today's film comes to you courtesy of the theme for VEDA the other day - "Tell us your hopes and dreams". Obviously, the only thing I could think of when I saw the topic was this movie. Sure, it's a little weird and creepy when you think too hard about it. But pff. It's still pretty adorable.

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Reasons why Never Been Kissed is awesome:
1. Drew Barrymore.
2. Josie's awful prom dress, despite the fact that it makes absolutely no sense for her to have gone to high school in the 1980s.

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3. David Arquette.
4. Grammar nerdiness.
5. Michael Vartan.

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6. The ending. Because SQUEE.
7. John C. Reilly.
8. The cool girls all going to prom as different Barbies.

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9. Molly Shannon. She's pretty fabulous.
10. The ugly 90s suits.
11. Leelee Sobieski.

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12. The sombrero of lateness.
13. All the "before they were famous" types, like Jessica Alba and James Franco.
14. This scene:

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15. Josie's awful dancing at the reggae club.
16. The entire office watching Josie's video feed.
17. Rob going to prom as Tom Cruise's character in Risky Business.

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18. Josie's pep talk from the baseball coach.
19. The soundtrack.
20. The hilarious high school pictures of the cast and crew in the end credits.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "This whole office is NOT feng shui. All the desks are facing, like, evil."
- "You - what's your name?" "J...Josie." "Jose?"
- "Are those shorts or a skirt?" "They're gaucho pants. I got them on sale."
- "There is a big world out there… Bigger than prom, bigger than high school and it won’t matter if you were the prom queen, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it."
- "And if you fail gym, you are never getting into college." "You guys are still telling that lie?!"
- "Gus?" "No, it's the Great and Powerful Oz."
- "I'm the coleslaw king of the world!"
- "Mr. Coulson rocks my world!"
- "She's like the heiress to the Ex-Lax fortune."
- "Excuse me. I have to go die now."
- "You guys, what is the one thing that could ruin my senior prom?" "That you'd trip on your Barbie heels and I'll be named prom queen? ............Did I say that out loud?"
- "Someone once told me that to write well, you have to write what you know. This is what I know."
- "Sorry I'm late. It took me forever to get here." "I know what you mean."

So. Perfect cheese-fest movie night selection? Or awful teen move that must be avoided at all costs?

K xx