We don't usually vanquish humans

A mere seven months after I finally finished watching Charmed, and I'm FINALLY remembering to get around to my thoughts on season 8. WOO. Season 8 was light on decent guest stars (boo) and high on incredibly boring drama (double boo), and it doesn't surprise me at all that the show didn't get renewed based on the quality of this season. It was...decidedly not great. Still, on with my thoughts!

PAIGE WHAT ARE YOU WEARING. Source

• KALEY CUOCO, WHAT THE EFF.
• Okay, how the hell are they affording all these designer brands? Between the three of them, they have ZERO JOBS. 
• Oh my God. Are they seriously going to do a Sex and the City themed episode when Phoebe's love interest is Smith from Sex and the City?! 

STOP. Also, source.

• Bahahaha, Paige is becoming a cop??? Oh, wait. No. That was too much to hope for. She's going to quit and make out with a cop instead. Of course.
• Ugh, seriously? They're bringing The Source back AGAIN?? 
• Oh wait. It lasted a red hot second before they vanquished him again. Excellent.
• Thank God we're done with this stupid double identities plot. It was getting incredibly confusing. 
• ANOTHER body swap episode? Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Awesome special effects, team. Source.

• Okay, Phoebe and her ticking biological clock are indescribably annoying. 
• What the hell is that thing that looks like an ubervamp mated with the fluke monster from The X-Files?! EW.
• Ahahaha, a super soldier plan? Good job, government. That's bound to end brilliantly.
• Leo's hair is getting insane.
• Demon Charmed One impersonators?? What even is this show any more. 
• Pretentious British Guy is pretentious. 
• Well. That was quite the insta-wedding, Paige. 

Source

• I have zero fucks to give about Christie and her secret evilness.
• I kind of love Phoebe and Coop, even though he was totally added in at the last minute to wrap things up.
• Christie is the worst. THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORST.
• Welp. They blew up the house. I guess the show really IS ending. 
• WHAT. PHOEBE. AND PAIGE. WHAT. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

FEELS. Also, source.

• This finale is so wibbly wobbly timey wimey that my brain can't keep up.
• I find it oddly hilarious that Phoebe's worn ugg boots through the entire finale.
• Kaley Cuoco is a really terrible fake crier.
• I really wish they'd worked out a way to bring Shannen Doherty back for the finale.
• Okay, that ending was hella cheesy, so HOW IN THE HELL DID IT STILL MAKE ME CRY?!?!?! 

Source

So. There you have it. It took me a stupidly long time, but we have fiiiiiiiiinally reached the end of Charmed. 

Did you see season 8? What did you think?

K xx

Did you just call me a ho?

With Charmed season 7, we progress to the stuff that I hadn't actually seen before. We also progress to a less than stellar era of the show, but we still get some hilariously awesome guest stars, so...there's that. My thoughts are shorter than usual this time around, probably because at least half of my thoughts were just flailing over the guest stars...

Why does HMC look like an afterthought?? Source

ONWARDS WITH MY THOUGHTS (which are from May, so there's every possibility that Present!Kirsti has no idea what the hell Past!Kirsti was talking about...)

• This floaty ghost head is like a cross between Voldemort and Slimer. 
• OH. MY. GOD. Did Charisma Carpenter guest star in EVERYTHING?! 
• ...................the Angel of Death is bitching about working overtime. 
• Charisma's character is a total sass explosion who gets premonitions. Apparently she's still playing Cordelia Chase.

Source

• Seriously, I can't take Agent Brody seriously because he's Jack from Dawson's Creek.
• Leo, dude. Remove the knife from Piper's stomach and THEN heal her. 
• I wonder if the real reason that they got rid of Phoebe's active powers is because they ran out of money to make her levitate. 
• No, but seriously. Why the hell would they even let Agent Brody in the house?! 

Source

• Bahaha, the Avatars basically have touchscreens ten years ahead of schedule. 
• Billy Zane is singing. What the eff. 
• Paige: "Okay, hi. I'm wearing lip gloss. Do I LOOK homeless??". Don't be judgey, Paige. Homeless people are allowed to care about their appearances too. 

Source

• Why the hell do all the scenes with the Elders suddenly take place on top of the Golden Gate Bridge?
• COLE, OH MY GOD, YOUR HAIR.
• Did we HAVE to have a close up of Piper sewing up Leo's shoulder? Gross. 
• Oh no. Did they just give us an "into every generation, a girl is born" storyline for Pandora's Box? Ugh, they totally did. 

She's even blonde. Source.

• Pretty sure Phoebe's love interest guy just got killed by the demon version of Wolverine...
• Are they seriously faking their deaths? WHY. WHY IS THIS PLOT A GOOD IDEA? I ALREADY HATE IT. 

Guest stars from this season who should have known better: Nick Lachey, Charisma Carpenter, Kerr Smith, Billy Zane, TJ Thyne, Oded Fehr, Sebastian Roche, Seamus Deaver, Jon Hamm, David Anders.

Two questions, friends. 1. Are you as astonished over some of those guest stars as I am? (JON HAMM???), and 2. Any suggestions for what show I should watch and have a lot of thoughts about next? 

K xx

There is a demon in the playpen

Remember a thousand years ago when I was telling you guys about my thoughts on Charmed, and I promised to do a post a week until I finished it, then I did one post back in July and forgot all about it? Yeah, that...

Source

 My notes tell me that I watched season 6 of Charmed in March/April of last year, so there's every chance that I have no idea what my notes mean. Let's find out, yes?

• I don't know how I feel about Phoebe's short hair.
• Ahaha, Smashmouth are opening the season. Amazing. 
• The special effects for this dragon are TERRIBLE. 

I mean, really. Source.

• The little doorbell sound whenever Phoebe gets a premonition is really annoying.
• Oh my God, Paige is stuck in some witchy Romeo and Juliet thing???
• Ahahahaha, Piper is dating Sheriff Lamb from Veronica Mars.

And his hair is AWFUL. Source.

• Leo and Chris being chased by a T. rex is one of the stupider things this show has done. 
• Oh my God. Holtz from Angel! With a natty little moustache. And he trades souls from powers? This is amazing. AMAZING. 
• ...........a demon baby with a frog tongue? Gross.
• Bahahahaha, someone just said "manticores" in such a way that it sounded like "magic whores". DEAD. 
• Piper. PIPER. Do not boff a guy on top of a firetruck OMG.
• HIPPIE LEO I HAVE NO WORDS.

AMAZING. Source.

• This timeline is totally wonky. It's the late 1960s and Grams is a flirtatious 30-something flower child who's treating Patty like she's 16. But Prue was born in 1975???
• "Since when do you speak Freedom Fry?" I...what.
• Magic School is awful. And a rip-off of Hogwarts without being anywhere near as awesome as Hogwarts.
• The special effects for this magic carpet are HORRIFIC.
• Wow, I actually remember this Piper/Leo in the ghost plane plotline.
• Um. Piper is insta-pregnant. Wowsers.
• Are these people at Phoebe's high school reunion meant to be 28? Because they all look about 40...

The outfits don't help. Source.

• This spider demon looks like a deranged vampire.
• How many times are they going to use this "someone got footage of them doing magic" storyline? Because it feels like it's at least once a season.
• I love how the villain never takes off his "work uniform", thereby making it really stupidly obvious where they should start looking for him.
• I have Darryl feels. Who knew that was possible. 
• Punk!Leo's hair is possibly the greatest thing to ever happen on this show OMG. 

LOOK AT THIS HILARITY. Source.

Guest stars from this season who should have known better: Melissa George, Jenny McCarthy, Balthazar Getty, Keith Szarabajka.

So. Is it just me, or is that the most hilariously awful hair of all time? 

K xx

Let go of my pumpkin

In the hopes of actually remembering more of what the hell I was talking about the better part of six months ago, I'm going to endeavour to do a Charmed post every week for the next month. YOU'RE WELCOME. Or not. Whichever.

Source

Anyway, here are my thoughts on Charmed season 5:

• AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, MERMAIDS. 
• "You must be Paige. You have a big underwater fanbase." What. 
• Oh my God. Phoebe's Cinderella dress is the opposite of classy. I can't even.
• MARK SHEPPARD. Is there any paranormal/sci-fi show this man isn't in?! 

Source

• ...........Paige just orbed in the middle of sex and her boyfriend didn't notice. I...what.
• EYEBALLS. WHY DID THERE HAVE TO BE EYEBALLS. 
• Ugh. Haven't they vanquished Barbas like three times already? WHY IS HE BACK??
• Ew, Cole. A demonic stripper who can shapeshift into Phoebe? GROSS. 
• Wow. This 100th episode is a LOT like the episode of Buffy where Cordelia wishes Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. 
• Okay, a creepy old man who walks into your room and delivers nightmares? NOPE.
• Ahahaha, Piper's watching Passions! 
• HARRY POTTER REFERENCES, YESSSSSSSSSSSS.
• Phoebe is wearing a snood. A SNOOD. 

SNOOD. Also, source.

• Right, because Piper would totally be wearing hipster jeans and a midriff top a week after giving birth. Okay, show. Whatever.
• ERIC DANE. HOW HAD I FORGOTTEN ABOUT ERIC DANE?! 
• Oh my God. Is that Pat Benatar??? IT IS. And a leprechaun just told her husband "I've already given you my best shot!". No. Just...no.
• Ahahahaha, Zachary Quinto is a warlord!! And he's getting attacked by millions of cats. AMAZING.

WHAT. Also, source.

• ........wood nymphs. Really?? And Susan May Pratt with blonde hair. I can't even.
• Oh my God, Paige's boyfriend is Darryl from The Walking Dead! 
• Okay, why is Paige doing charades when she could just WRITE THINGS DOWN??
• Paige, honey. Don't walk out of the bathroom at your new boyfriend's house fanning the air, even if you DID just orb in from vanquishing a stinky demon...

"Yeah, I'd stay out of there for a while..." Source.

• ..........Jason just gave Phoebe a Chinese-American dictionary. Did you know American is a language? BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT IS.
• Ahahahahaha, it's Pintel from Pirates of the Caribbean!
• Oh my God. The Alien Bounty Hunter from The X-Files is playing Chronos. Awesome.
• CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!! 

And more Phoebe snood. Source.

So apparently a lot of my thoughts had to do with guest stars this season. At least I was less baffled by the costume choices??? 

Do you get ridiculously excited over the guest stars of 15 year old TV shows?? Or is it just me?

K xx

Does this mean I get free drinks?

It's been a while since I've shared all my thoughts on a crappy 90s TV show with you guys, and I figured it was about time I rectified the situation. I've now FINISHED watching Charmed, so I really do need to get a wriggle on with writing these posts before I actually forget everything that I was talking about... I have no idea when I started watching season 4, but I'm guessing it was sometime in January based on the fact that I started season 5 in mid-February. So...it's been a while.

ANYWAY. Here are All The Thoughts about Charmed, season 4.

Holy mackerel, what are these shirts?!
Also, source.

• I hate that Prue's death had to happen completely off camera because Shannen Doherty got fired. And as much as I think it's awesome that she refused to let them use her image, the ways they get around that over the remaining seasons are RIDICULOUS. 
• Paige!! 
• Ahahaha, Paige's magical boob job. That's what happens when you use magic for personal gain, girl! 

Source. And also LOL.

• Oh my God, Daniel Dae Kim is an evil ninja. 
• Woohoo, we're finally into episodes that I remember!! 
• ..............did Phoebe just wear a denim jacket to a job interview? Yes. Yes, she did.
• Ahaha, Ben from Buffy is playing a thirteenth century prince! AMAZING. 

Source. And no, I don't know what's up with Paige's hair.

• Cole, that was a terrible marriage proposal.
• Ahahaha, Cole wants to be a cop?? Excuse me while I die laughing.
• Paige, you're an idiot. Why on earth would you cast a spell to make Glen believe you're a witch when you could just orb?! 
• Oh my God, The Source has some kind of reverse Brazilian on his chin.

Source

• Oh good, Cole's evil again. Just what this show needed.
• Phoebe's wedding dress is HORRIBLE. 

Not helped by her hair. Source.

• Hey, look! The church they were meant to get married in is the one from the Faith-Buffy body swap episode! 
• That was some AWFUL fake crying from Brian Krause. 
• Phoebe's stupid tiny fringe is reeeeeeeeally awful.
• Douchebag Cole is a douchebag.
• Ahahahahaha, PRINCIPAL SNYDER IS A WIZARD.

LOL. Also, source.

• Ugh, Evil Phoebe. I seem to recall that when the show first aired, this is about the point where I stopped caring.
• BYE COLE. 

So there you have it. I'll do my best to NOT wait the better part of three months before posting my thoughts on season 5! 

IMPORTANT QUESTION: On a scale of 1-10, how unhappy were you about Prue being killed off?

K xx

Who needs Oprah when we can do it ourselves?

It's been a while since I've had All The Thoughts, so let's talk about Charmed season 3, shall we?

Quite possibly the best/worst promo shot of EVER. Source.

• Oh, Phoebe. What the hell did you do to your hair?! 
• Ahaha, Cole. I totally forgot he was Assistant District Attorney.
• Ridiculous fairy episode is ridiculous.
• OH MY GOD. These Halloween costumes are INSANE.

Source

• Ahahaha, a terrible wig flashback! Cole, you look RIDICULOUS. 
• Wait, so Prue's plan to keep them safe from the demon that's stalking them is SNEAKERS? And not even to wear, just to carry around with them?? Right, because you'd totally have time to change your shoes in the middle of a demon attack.
• Um. Empathy and telepathy are not the same thing, show. 
• That slice of Balthazar flesh looks a hell of a lot like beetroot.
• Phoebe, honey. Faking your demon boyfriend's death is a terrible idea.
• There is an evil ice cream truck. I cannot even begin to process this idea. Evil. Ice cream. Truck...

Source

• OMG Nigel from Crossing Jordan!!
• Ahahahaha, their dad finding out that Leo's a whitelighter = I AM DEAD FROM LAUGHING.
• Wow. That was the most awkward not!wedding ever. Way to ruin everything, Prue. 
• Oh my God, Marshall from Alias as a punk-y demon dealing with the Seven Deadly Sins. AMAZING.
• Um. Did Phoebe just do a degree in less than two years? Yo no comprendo...
• I have precisely zero fucks to give about Cole. 
• Phoebe, sometimes I really want to punch you for your stupidity.
• AHAHAHAHA, PRUE IS A DOG!!!

Source

• Holy shit, someone killed Piper.
• LOL, Prue just overpowered an entire SWAT team singlehandedly. 
• Well. That was quite the cliffhanger ending... 

How did you feel about Cole back in the day (or, you know, now. Either way)??

K xx

You're kind of hard to miss in that outfit

It's been a while since we've done the whole Kirsti Rewatches Crappy 90s TV Shows and Has A Lot of Thoughts thing, so let's talk about Charmed season 2, shall we?

Please buy bras. Also, source.

• I have literally no memory of Dan the neighbour guy and his niece.
• I honestly think the costumes have gotten even worse.
• Their version of 2009 is fucking hilarious.
• Yessssssssss, the start of the dubious musical guests!
• Ahahahahahahahahaha, PRUE GOT TURNED INTO A DUDE.
• ...wow, a Blair Witch Project episode.
• MISHA COLLINS HOLY FUCK. He looks about 12 years old. 

LOL. Also, source.

• Leo's constant eye rolling over the Piper/Dan relationship is hilarious.
• Welp, Prue's astral projection abilities have turned up at an awkward time...
• Ahaha, douchey Glen from The Wedding Singer is Piper's doctor. 
• Awwwww. The Valentine's Day card that Leo gave Piper is kind of adorable. With a teeny side of stalker...

Source

• Um. Did Phoebe just get sexually assaulted by a ghost????????
• Ahahaha, Prue's digital SLR is ENORMOUS. Aaaaaaand she just broke the lens. Ouch.
• PRUDENCE HALLIWELL, DID YOU JUST SLEEP WITH YOUR KIDNAPPER??????
• AMY ADAMS, WHAT. And she's being stalked by The Mummy. I can't even. Plus, her outfits are SO flattering! 

I imagine her face looks like this now when she thinks back
on the fact that she guest starred on Charmed. Source.

• Oh my God, Anne from Buffy/Angel. Awesome.
• ....................is that Rembrant from Sliders? OH MY GOD, IT IS.
• Okay, the 30 seconds worth of zoomy shots of San Francisco at the start of every single episode are getting really old really quickly. WE GET IT ALREADY.
• Ahahahahahahaha, chimpanzees with magical powers? What the hell even is this show? 

LOL. Source.

• So apparently the alien bounty hunter from The X-Files is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Awesome. 
• Ahahahaha, 17 year old Prue with braces. 
• BYE DAN. NO ONE WILL MISS YOU. 

And one final photo for good measure because I cannot stop laughing at how awful it is:

Source

And yes, the title of this post is an actual quote from season 2. Quite possibly the most accurate quote of the entire series...

Did you watch Charmed back in the day? 

K xx

The power of three will set us free

Yes, it's time for another installment of Kirsti Rewatches Crappy 90s TV Shows And Has A Lot of Thoughts! This time, it's Charmed. Which, as it turns out, was a lot cheesier than I remembered. And considering I started rewatching Charmed in SEPTEMBER, some of my notes now make absolutely no sense to me. YAY.

Anyway, let's get on with Charmed season 1, shall we?

Source

• Holy crap, this show is so 90s. And why on earth did they half cover up Alyssa Milano's tattoo??
• The special effects in this show are terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible. As are the fashions.
• OH MY GOD, I'd completely forgotten about Andy's existence. 
• Oh, please. Prue is in no way an expert in all the things ever, and would in no way be able to identify random stuff from all over the place with one glance.
• ...demonic Rottweiller???
• LEO!!! Except that Phoebe's the one flirting with him. Gross.
• JOHN CHO! And Piper's falling for him. Shame he's dead. Oh. She acknowledged his deadness - "Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy". Oh, honey, you have NO IDEA.

Source

• Okay, this guy looks older than the woman playing his mother.
• I have literally no memory of Prue's auction house being evil.
• Phoebe clearly subscribes to the Buffy Summers School of Bras Are Optional Extras, because I don't think she's worn a bra in a single episode so far...
• Prue's eye squint when she moves things with her mind is hilarious. Thank God they eventually decided she could flick her hand to do that.
• LOL, a third eye that shoots laser beams? AWESOME. 
• Oh my God, there are hunters looking for a wendigo. HELLO, WINCHESTERS.
• Andy is wearing a brown suit and high top Converse. HELLO, TENTH DOCTOR. 

Complete with judgey face from Darryl. Source.

• Yaaaay, Leo's back and he's officially a whitelighter!
• Ahahaha, the boogie man in the basement gave Phoebe evil powers. Whut.
• Oh my God. Prue's boss is Ted Mosby's mother.
• ...a magical decoder ring of anti-aging. I can't even. Aaaaaand a trip back to the 1970s to see their mother. Guess Castiel's been hanging around San Francisco! 
•  MICHAEL WEATHERLY. PRE-DARK ANGEL MICHAEL WEATHERLY. WHAT.

Source

• Please invest in bras. All three of you. PLEASE. 
• Ahahahaha, Lori Foreman from That 70s Show is in love with a darklighter. 
• WAIT. ANDY DIES AT THE END OF SEASON ONE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! NO. DO NOT WANT. 

So there you have it. Did you watch Charmed back in the day? Have you rewatched it since?? Because it's really bad. But the good kind of really bad. You know?

K xx