101 in 1001 #95

So I got into work this morning to discover that I'd received an email from the real estate agent after I left on Friday. I've been dealing with this moron for six weeks now, and every time I get something from him, it makes me want to tear my hair out. To sum up, here's how our emails have gone:

Me: Hello real estate agent. We got your letter saying that you're putting the rent up. It won't actually affect us as we're both moving interstate, so will be vacating the premises on 14/7. Can you please send us details of what we need to do as regards moving out?

Real estate agent: Okay, cool. I'll claim I'm going to send you a vacate pack and then do nothing.

Me: Um, we never got the pack, can you send another one?

REA: Sure! Only I'll claim to send it and do nothing again. MWAHAHAHA!!!!

Me: Dude. This is fucking ridiculous. We're moving out in A WEEK. If you're not going to send it to me like you've promised, can you at least EMAIL me the fucking pack???

REA: Sure, why didn't you say so?

Me: Okay, so you know how the letter you reckon you sent 6 weeks ago includes the date for the final inspection? Yeah. The carpets won't have been cleaned by then. So you can either do the inspection without the carpets having been cleaned or you can do it at the end of the day instead.

REA: We don't have any spots at the end of the day. And we can't do the inspection without the carpets having been cleaned. So you'll have to pay $65 in rent because you're not vacating until the Friday. We'll do the inspection at 10.30 on Friday.

Me: I have no energy left to deal with your shit. I'll pay the stupid $65, even though the property will be vacant and I'll be giving the keys back first thing in the morning. But I'm driving to Melbourne that day, so 10.30 is a really crappy time for the inspection. Make it earlier, you poopy head. [<-- my lack of energy apparently extends to coming up with decent insults, even if I'm only delivering them in my head]

REA: How's 9.30?

Me: Whatever. I hate you. And if you quibble about things not being 100% clean, I WILL stab you in the face...

Okay, that last bit I just thought really loudly in the hopes that he'd pick up on it. God, I hate Canberra... And real estate agents... And Canberra real estate agents...

Anyway, all of this led me to thinking that I needed something cheerful to concentrate on. So I decided I'd cross off making a playlist of 101 of my favourite songs! Here we have them in the order that iTunes chose to play them (and no judging allowed):
1. The Story - Brandi Carlile
2. The Captain - Biffy Clyro
3. Suite for Solo Cello No. 1 in G Major, BWV 1007: I Prelude - Yo-Yo Ma
4. MMMBop - Hanson
5. Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
6. Loser Like Me - The cast of Glee
7. I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston
8. Evacuate the Dancefloor - Cascada
9. Raise Your Glass - P!nk
10. Holiday - Green Day
11. Swing, Swing - The All-American Rejects
12. The Boxer - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
13. Night Swimming - REM
14. If I Had $1000000 - Barenaked Ladies
15. Take It to the Limit - The Eagles
16. Pop! Goes My Heart - Hugh Grant (from Music and Lyrics)
17. You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
18. Check Yes Juliet - We The Kings
19. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
20. 1812 Overture - Tchaikovsky
21. Wonderful - Everclear
22. My Eyes - Felicia Day and Neil Patrick Harris (from Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog)
23. For Good - Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth (from Wicked)
24. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
25. F**k You - Cee Lo Green
26. Scotty Doesn't Know - Lustra (from Eurotrip)
27. Love Drunk - Boys Like Girls
28. Ravers in the UK - Manian
29. Self-Righteous Cyclist - Eddie Perfect
30. Lucky - Bif Naked
31. Gold - Spandau Ballet
32. Better Be Home Soon - Crowded House
33. You Just Got Slapped - Jason Segel and Neil Patrick Harris (from How I Met Your Mother)
34. Firefly theme - Joss Whedon
35. Hey Jealousy - The Gin Blossoms
36. Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
37. Hey, Soul Sister - Train
38. Why Can't I? - Liz Phair
39. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
40. The Airplane Song - Scouting for Girls
41. One - U2
42. ¡Viva La Gloria! - Green Day
43. Six at Best - Eddie Perfect
44. Dammit - Blink-182
45. The Kids are Alright - The Who
46. Dynamite - Taio Cruz
47. Hallelujah - kd lang
48. Want You Bad - The Offspring
49. Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
50. Bad Things - Jace Everett (from True Blood)
51. Twist and Shout - The Beatles
52. Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
53. All The Small Things - Blink-182
54. Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
55. Like a Prayer - Madonna
56. As Long As You're Mine - Idina Menzel and Norbert Leo Butz (from Wicked)
57. Summer Rain - Belinda Carlisle
58. Don't You Want Me - The Human League
59. Pinch Me - Barenaked Ladies
60. Whatever Happened to Saturday Night - Meatloaf (from Rocky Horror Picture Show)
61. Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
62. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Green Day
63. Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams
64. Ashes to Ashes - David Bowie
65. You Took The Words Right Outta My Mouth - Meatloaf
66. If You Wanna - The Vaccines
67. The Load Out - Jackson Browne
68. Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield
69. Hey There Delilah - The Plain White T's
70. The Cave - Mumford & Sons
71. My Friends Over You - New Found Glory
72. Fill My Little World - The Feeling
73. Turn Me On - Norah Jones
74. Dance Into the Night - The View
75. Fall at Your Feet - Crowded House
76. Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas
77. Canadian, Please - Andrew Gunadie and Julia Bentley
78. This Ain't a Love Song - Scouting for Girls
79. Back in Black - AC/DC
80. International Talk Like a Pirate Day theme song - Tom Smith
81. I Need a Holiday - Scouting for Girls
82. In My Head - Jason Derulo
83. I've Got No Beef With You - Ceann
84. Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
85. Blue as Your Eyes - Scouting for Girls
86. Distant Sun - Crowded House
87. Another Fucking Love Song - Amiel
88. Can't Stop Now - Keane
89. Heartbeat - Scouting for Girls
90. It'll All Work Out - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (from Elizabethtown)
91. Same in Any Language - I Nine (from Elizabethtown)
92. I'm Not That Girl - Idina Menzel (from Wicked)
93. Flame Trees - Cold Chisel
94. Get Loose - The Salads (from Eurotrip)
95. Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
96. Under Pressure - Queen & David Bowie
97. I Do Not Hook Up - Kelly Clarkson
98. Anthem Part 2 - Blink-182
99. Run - Stephen Fretwell (from Gavin & Stacey)
100. The Last Day on Earth - Kate Miller-Heidke
101. Rule the World - Take That (from Stardust)

So there you have it - 101 of my favourite songs. And compiling this successfully took my mind off the moronic real estate agent for a while - success! 2 tasks down, 99 to go...

K xx

Kirsti-mas Part 1!

As I said briefly yesterday, I spent the Easter/ANZAC Day break in Melbourne, running around like a headless chicken. The Kirsti-mas thing I've (apparently Chrome thinks I'm trying to write 'Kirsch' or 'Kiribati' rather than my name...) stolen from my brother and his mates - he has a friend called Kelly, and her birthday falls on December 25th. So Christmas is generally known in their friendship group as Kelly-mas. It seemed only appropriate that I adopt it for the whole six day long birthday that I've just had!

I flew to Melbourne first thing Thursday morning. Thursday featured thrilling things like a trip to the liquor store to buy some delicious Rekorderlig cider, and to the post office to send the lovely Lauren some Tim Tams. Incidentally, Lauren gave me a Stylish Blogger award the other day. Yay! But since I did it not that long ago, I'm going to skip the whole telling you seven things about me part and the passing it on part. Because I'm lazy like that! (Sorry, Lauren. Doesn't mean I'm any less grateful!!)

Thursday night we were supposed to be going to Mamasita, a shiny new (and apparently amazing) Mexican restaurant in the city. But they don't take bookings. We got there at 6.30 (seriously!), and the line was already out the door and into the street. After queuing for 15 minutes or so, we were told that they could put our name on the callback list, but that it would probably be at least 8.30, more like 9.00 before we were seated. Seeing as I was starving (living in Canberra makes you eat at Nanna O'Clock, because there's nothing else to do!) and seeing as the parentals had no intentions of going home and coming back into the city in two hours time, we abandoned that plan in favour of eating somewhere else.

I can't remember the name of the place we wound up going, but apparently I chose a "very manly dessert". It was hazelnut, orange and dark chocolate cannoli with bitter chocolate ice cream. I suspect they were just trying to make my brother feel better about his choice of dessert, but it was still a bit awkward having to say "Urm, I'll have the manly dessert too, thanks!"

Friday featured going to see Thor (which I keep calling Troy. Most unfortunate, given that the latter was quite shit and the former was AWESOME!!) with Jamie. We saw it in 2D, which I was eternally grateful for because 3D gives me a headache that painkillers can't touch and is totally not worth the extra money. I got home from the movies just in time to be handed the task of making our traditional Good Friday feast of No Beef and Yorkshire Pudding. Mmmmmm, roast goodness. Oh, word of advice? Don't eat M&Ms while making Yorkshire pudding. It's only a matter of time before one of them falls in the batter, and then you'll never find the little bastard (it was FIIIIIIIIIIINE, you totally couldn't taste the sugar! And I found it before the chocolate dissolved. It was just the coating that had gone)...

Friday night was spent seeing Eddie Perfect at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Now, if you remember this post, you'll remember that I love Eddie Perfect. So not only did I laugh hysterically through the entire show (I suspect my dad thought I was insane. But his song "Self-Righteous Cyclist" was one of the funniest things I've heard all year!), but I loitered around the Arts Centre afterwards to meet him. And he was lovely, not to mention insanely talented!! I apologise for the slight note of crazy eyes - I believe I was attempting to convey to my brother the importance of him learning to use the camera on his new phone within the next 10 seconds:

Anyway, we went out for drinks after the show (me, my brother and his girlfriend, not me and Eddie Perfect. Although that would have been AMAZEBALLS... *sigh*). And, it being Melbourne, we went to a bar that was under a pedestrian bridge in the middle of the Yarra River. Of COURSE - what else would you do?! It was pretty cool seeing geese swimming past as you sipped your cider (sadly, not Rekorderlig). And to honour the cooler temperatures at night, they had mulled wine. It smelled incredible! Not that I had any...

Saturday featuring catching up with Ness for the first time in a year and a half. And shopping. Complete with burritos and Mexi-crinkle fries from Salsas *drools* And a trip to Koko Black, where I FINALLY used the last $5 of the voucher my parents gave me last Easter! Saturday night was spent out on the town with friends for my birthday. We started out at Cho Gao at Melbourne Central. I ordered a Strawberry Colada. Apparently they'd run out of the glasses they usually used, so they gave it to me in two martini glasses instead.

Yup. Cos I'm classy like that. We started with a ridiculous array of Asian tapas, including something called "Rusty Nails" - deep fried beef strips with honey and chilli and some other things I can't remember. As someone pointed out, it was only appropriate for Easter! #allgoingtohell

About the time I finished my Strawberry Coladas, we discovered that they had Rekorderlig, and the cocktail menu was dead to me. Sad... I'm not entirely certain that cider goes with maple chicken udon noodles, but oh well! After we'd finished dinner, we headed over to San Churros across the road. When we asked for menus, they said they were all out (Urm, what? How do you run out of menus??) but that there was one above the counter. I asked my brother to go and take a picture of the menu so we could all decide what we wanted. But he came back having ordered this:

Yum - the Churros Fiesta! 18 churros with six dipping sauces. Well, more accurately, 9 regular churros, 9 cinnamon churros, four dipping sauces, whipped cream and a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Quite how we were meant to eat the ice cream I still don't know. But whatever! Holy Hell, it was good. The last time I had churros was at the Multicultural Festival, and these ones were a million times nicer than ones from a stall on the side of the road. Although I didn't get to drink the better part of a whole cup of melted chocolate like I did at the Multicultural Festival. You know what? In hindsight, that's probably a good thing...

When the churros had beaten us, we headed to a bar for more drinks. There I encountered the WORST MOJITO EVER. The barman was Irish and cute and called me darlin', so I couldn't bring myself to complain. But it was vile. Apparently mojito to him = use lime cordial in place of actual lime and sugar syrup. Gross... I don't think it helped that we were standing outside on a clear autumn night and I effectively was holding a glass of ice. Eh. I drank it anyway. Given that it cost $17, it's not surprising!

It wasn't a particularly late night - we were home by 1am. I blame my rapidly advancing age. But it was a lot of fun!!

To be continued................

K xx

Eddie Perfect is a genius

I had my iPod in at work today, because I was doing a lot of admin-y collection work, and it was kind of a snorefest. Anyway, one particular song came on, and I promptly burst out laughing. I'd actually downloaded it a week or so ago, and then completely forgotten about it, so it was something of a surprise when it started playing. The song? "Six at Best" by Eddie Perfect. It's from the season 1 finale of Offspring, and it's HI-freaking-LARIOUS.

Here, see for yourself. You don't really need a lot of background here, the song pretty much says it all, I think:


The lovely Carly did a post on this when it first aired, and I've stolen the lyrics from her post:

Six At Best

Babe, I know it’s crazy that I slept with your sister
We got drunk on vodka and I totally kissed her
Things got out of hand
I felt rejected and pissed, hurt and lonely
But as far as sex with your sister goes
There’s something you should know

Your sister’s a 6, the sex was 6 at best
A 6 at the most, and maybe even less
‘Cos her desperation wrecked the mood
She made love like a starving person clutching at food
And it’s difficult to stay aroused
When you’re surrounded by a thousand owls
Baby, it’s impossible to overstress
Your sister’s a 6, and that’s being generous

She must have nervous 'cos she couldn’t stop talking
She told me ‘bout the doctor that she’s borderline stalking
In bed your sister’s less active than Steven Hawking on Prozac
And I know it’s no excuse, but, baby, it’s the truth

Your sister’s a 6, the sex was 6 at most
You’re like a 12 course banquet, and she’s just toast
‘Cos she wanted feedback on whether she was getting it right
She’s got more baggage than a Qantas flight
It was rarely hit and mostly miss
And the weirdest bit – she kept calling me Chris
And I swear to God, it will never happen again

Your sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
Your sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
Your sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
Your sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
Your sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10

And I know you think you’ve gotta be tough
That you’re never really good enough
Well the truth is, girl, that you’re not her
And in fact, you’re the woman that I prefer
And I know we don’t often get things right
I just wanted the chance to say to you tonight
You’re my everything, you’re my lover and my best friend

Your sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
Your sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
Your sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10

Anyway, when I'd finished laughing hysterically (and, you know, replayed the song about five times), I immediately texted Carly - I knew she'd understand! And I was right.

Also? I'm a little bit in love with Eddie Perfect. Not only is he a brilliant actor, but he writes all the songs himself. Plus, he's got freckles *swoon*

I rather think I might have to go and see him at the Melbourne Comedy Festival next month! (Incidentally, you can download the song from iTunes if it makes you laugh as much as I did)

K xx