Movie Monday: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Welcome to the final installment of "Instead of the Olympics, I'm going to watch awesome British movies"!

This movie is hands down, one of my favourite movies of ALL TIME. In fact, I spent large chunks of Year 10 maths classes quoting chunks of it (and all other things Monty Python) with Emily. I don't think our teacher was particularly impressed. But hey - I passed at the end of the year, and that's what really matters!

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Reasons why Monty Python and the Holy Grail is awesome:
1. It's Monty Python. 'Nuff said.
2. The Knights who say Ni.
3. The French guards.

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4. It led to the creation of a completely kickass musical.
5. The scene with the wooden rabbit.

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6. The random subtitles about Sweden and moose in the opening credits.
7. The scene with the witch.

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8. Tim the Enchanterrrrrrrrrrrrr.
9. The killer rabbit.

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10. Coconuts.
11. The Black Knight.

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12. Sir Robin and his minstrels.
13. The scene with Dennis.

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14. The flagellant monks.
15. The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

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16. The Castle Anthrax.
17. This scene:

18. Swamp Castle.
19. God getting cross when people grovel and avert their eyes. HILARIOUS.

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20. The Bridge of Death.
21. Swallows.

Plus, the following quotes:
- "Run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!"
- "What is the land speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
- "Fetchez la vache!"
- "Bring out yer dead!"
- "Go away, or I shall taunt you for a second time."
- "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" <-- This? Is my favourite Monty Python line of EVER.
- "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" "Yes I have." "LOOK!!!" "It's just a flesh wound."
- "What makes you think she's a witch?" "She turned me into a newt!!" "A newt?" "............I got better."
- "Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King', you and your silly English kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-niggits!"
- "Listen, strange women lying about in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"
- "I'm invincible!" "You're a loony..."
- "You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"
- "One second thought, let us not go to Camelot. It is a silly place..."
- "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"
- "What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huuuuuge...tracts of land."
- "We are no longer the Knights who say Ni... We are now the Knights who say...Ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG zoom-boing znourrwringmm!"
- "I told them we've already got one!"
- "Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis requiem. *thunk*"
- "You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with...A HERRING!"
- "Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who..."
- "We want...A SHRUBBERY!"
- "I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of secondhand electric donkey bottom biters!"
- "Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"
- "Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Galahad and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise - not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!" "WHO leaps out?" "Uh, Lancelot, Galahad and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh...l-look, if we built this large wooden badger.........."
- "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."
- "How do you know so much about swallows?" "Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know."
- "Help help, I'm being repressed!"
- "And the Lord spake saying 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch toward thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.' Amen."
- "Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons! Oh, don't grovel! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people grovelling." "Sorry..." "And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you doing now!?" "I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord." "Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms - they're so depressing. Now knock it off!"
- "And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped."
- "What an eccentric performance."
- "There are ways of telling whether she is a witch." "Are there? Oh well, tell us." "Tell me. What do you do with witches?" "Burn them." "And what do you burn, apart from witches?" "More witches." "Wood!" "Good. Now, why do witches burn?" "...because they're made of... wood?" "Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?" "Build a bridge out of her!" "But can you not also build bridges out of stone?" "Oh yeah." "Does wood sink in water?" "No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!" "No, no. What else floats in water?" "Bread." "Apples." "Very small rocks." "Cider." "Gravy." "Cherries." "Mud." "Churches." "Lead! Lead!" "A Duck." "...Exactly. So, logically..." "If she weighs the same as a duck... she's made of wood." "And therefore..." "...A witch!"

So, on a scale of one to a swallow carrying a coconut, how much do you love this movie?

K xx

Movie Monday: The Life of Brian

So, how's everyone's Easter been? Like I said on Saturday, I'm pretty sure that I'll be going to Hell, so mine went pretty well! I also received the world's biggest Easter egg from my parents:

2 litre milk bottle for scale. Terrible quality courtesy of my webcam.

Anyway, if I wasn't already going to Hell for saying that you can eat as much as you want at Easter because Jesus takes the calories away, I'd be going to Hell for today's movie selection:

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Yes. The Life of Brian.

Reasons why The Life of Brian is awesome:
1. It's MONTY PYTHON. And they're brilliant.
2. The centurion telling Brian that the grammar in his graffiti is wrong, and making him write it out 100 times.

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3. Brian's mother yelling "SPEAK UP!!" at Jesus during the Sermon on the Mount.
4. The Roman character names. You can't help but laugh hysterically.
5. The opening song, taking the piss out of Goldfinger.
6. George Harrison has a cameo. GEORGE FREAKING HARRISON!!

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7. Brian's mother wearing a fake beard so that she can go to the stoning.
8. How six blokes played FORTY characters between them.
9. Michael Palin as Pontius Pilate. It's hard to single out one of the Pythons over the others, or even one of the characters out over the others, but he makes this movie for me.

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10. Singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" to Brian when he's being crucified.
11. The suicide squad.
12. The followers arguing over whether the gourd or the sandal is more important and how to show you're a follower of Brian. Hilarious.

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13. It was banned in Ireland for blasphemy. UNTIL 1987.
14. The ridiculous food Brian is selling at the colosseum.
15. When Brian opens the window completely starkers and there are hundreds of people standing outside waiting for him.
16. "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" at the end.


Plus, the following completely brilliant quotes:
- "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"
- "Now FUCK OFF!!!" [pause] "How shall we fuck off, O Lord?"
- "Blessed is just about everyone with an interest in the status quo."
- "Alms for an old ex-leper?"
- "I'm a Red Sea pedestrian and I'm proud of it!"
- "Crucifixion? Good. Out the door, line on the left, one cross each."
- "What's so funny about the name...Biggus Dickus?"
- "All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"
- "He has a wife, you know. She's called...Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks."
- "If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans." "I do!" "Oh yeah? How much?" "A lot!" "Right, you're in."
- "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone *anyone* until I blow this whistle!"
- "Stwike him, Centuwion. Stwike him vewy wuffly!"
- "From now on you shall be called Brian that is called Brian."
- "It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them." "But you can't have babies!" "Don't you oppress me." "You haven't got a womb! Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?"
- "Vewy well! I shall welease... Wodewick!"

So, who else is joining me in Hell for watching this movie at Easter? Or, you know, just thinks it's awesome?

K xx

Rainy Sunday afternoon

So, when the weather looks like this on a Sunday afternoon in Canberra:

(Pouring with rain in case you can't tell from the photo), what's a girl to do?? That's simple - bake. I decided to make my trademark triple chocolate brownies, but try using chopped chocolate instead of the chocolate chips I usually use (purely through laziness!) First you start with this:

Mmmm, dark chocolate and butter... Then you melt them together in a double boiler and set them aside to cool. Next take caster sugar and eggs and your handy electric beater, and beat them until they look like this:

Then once the chocolate and butter mixture has cooled (otherwise it cooks the egg, and that would just be grooooooooooooooooooss), pour it into the egg and sugar mixture, and fold it through like this:

Then you add plain flour and cocoa:

And chopped milk and white chocolate:

And then you mix it altogether and pour it into a pan and stick it in the oven, and after about 40 minutes, you get this:

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, brownies... And, while you're waiting for the brownies to cool so that you can cut them, you can watch Life of Brian - "He's not the Messiah! He's a very naughty boy!!" It's not quite "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!", but it'll do... ;)

K xx